Enter the Scary Caves

"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek." 

Moving to a new city brings up a lot of fears, doubts, and feelings I pushed way deep down into my body. They are now bubbling up as I start a new life in a new place. Those fears include trusting people again, becoming open hearted once more, and shedding the baggage of the past. 

I didn't talk about all my sad days in New York on here because I hate being that depressing broken record. As you know, I stopped writing. I spent many months feeling very small. I had lost my muchness--the thing that makes Ashley, Ashley. 

I'm giving myself permission to be big again and let my energy grow, expand, and take over the damn place. In doing so I must enter the scary caves. This entails: 
  • Not being reclusive despite feeling betrayed and hurt by people in NYC. Trusting the goodness of people again.
  • Deciding to not ruminate on the past.
  • Writing more often to clear my mind and unveil my darkest and scariest thoughts, a very spiritual practice for me. 
  • Letting myself explore, smile, create. Letting myself live again. 

Boston, you're letting me hit the "reset" button and I thank you for that. Now, it's time for me put on my hard hat, tie that rope around my waist, and descend into the abyss (time to go all in). 


Boston: Where Revolutions Come to Fruition, Including My Own

In 11 days, I'll be hauling all my stuff out of my Brooklyn apartment and heading north to Boston. Like so many adventure seekers and settlers before me, I see Boston as a symbol of freedom and coming into my own. Boston is a land where revolutions come to fruition, and I see that happening within myself.

I've been envisioning and writing down the good things I expect to happen in Boston. They include:

  • Letting romantic love come into my life after running away from it for so long. 
  • Learning to trust people again after a harsh year with an aggressive roommate.
  • Regaining confidence after experiencing a long bout of unrequited love, which no doubt magnified my insecurities.
  • Loving life once more.

I do not expect this move to be a fantasy land, but a space where I can start over with the best mindset I've had in years. I have survived the jungle of New York and come out incredibly strong. I know what I want, and I know the steps I am going to take to get it.

NYC, you fine-tuned me in a way that no other city could. I am better for it, but I am exhausted.

Boston, I am so ready to take refuge in you, like so many settlers before me, with all the same dreams of true independence, with all the same dreams of a revolution.


Favorite Thing Thursday

Lately, these have a been a few of my favorite things...

1. Paramore's New Album

This band has gotten surprisingly mature and clever as they've gotten older. I'm digging the new sound. Goodbye to that angsty Twilight-esque music!

2. A talk on Stoicism, which might be my favorite new philosophy.

3. Natural Deodorant 

There have been some studies coming out linking antiperspirant to breast cancer. I've known 3 young women who have all recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, and it's making me take a look at the products I am using, what I'm eating, etc. This natural deodorant actually works (I find it wears off a little toward the end of the day, so you may want to keep it in your bag). Truly better to be safe than sorry! You can find it at Sephora


What to Do When He Doesn't Text Back

I sort of cringe at my title, because texting as the ultimate form of communication nowadays seems so lame, but it’s just the way we do things now. But I digress, onto my post...

I wrote in a previous post how I feel more open and ready for love than ever before. It's funny that when you remain open to just the idea of it, suitors will indeed come your way. You may not want to date every suitor, but they will start coming...did I just use the word suitor?  

Since I wrote the above mentioned post, 3 guys have come my way. Two of them I wasn't so keen on, but the third, I definitely liked: he was well travelled, good looking, and had a lot of ideas about life I agreed with. Plus, we met on the plane and WHO doesn't like that story?! 

There was texting back and forth--A LOT at first. And then there were a couple failed meet-up attempts. Finally, after one such failed attempt (because of his busy work schedule), I wrote a final text message that clearly stated how I felt and what I wanted. 

A lot of people will tell you not to do such a thing. They say it seems desperate, and that the woman is supposed to play hard to get, and that it scares some people off. Well, I do think it scares some people off--the wrong people

He never got back. 

In the past, I would have really fixated on this dude. I'd forgive his half-assed attempts of trying to get together, instead of asking for what I wanted. I'd let the texting continue (maybe he liked the attention?). I could be strung along for months. All of this because I liked a few traits about him and decided, in my mind, that he was special. This is an insane thing I used to do in my past. Why? Because subconsciously I was afraid of real intimacy with a man so I would choose to fixate, love, and fantasize about men that were unavailable to me. 

Well, this has been the year of breaking up my old habits. And so I had the BALLS to send a message  expressing the truth. 

I'm actually not mad at the guy, despite some bad manners, because he truly is a likable, fun person. However, I had to face the reality of the situation: although he was texting me for awhile, and although we got along swimmingly on the plane, he just wasn't coming through any longer. Maybe he lost interest. Maybe his work life is too demanding. Who cares? The point is you can't expect someone to meet you where you are if they are simply not in that place. It's like being in Albuquerque and becoming livid over a person who's hanging out over in Phoenix and physically can't meet you in Albuquerque. Why get mad? 

So what to do if you send a gutsy text to which he never replies? 

You move on. You brush it off and realize that everything is as it should be. You grab a bottle of wine with your gal pal and cook dinner together, and you laugh your ass off. You realize that although you liked him a lot, he's not the only cute, well-traveled guy out there. You start asking for what you want more often because you realize you're becoming a complete boss. 

You remain being open and ready for love, because what you're asking for will come to you. 


Picture credit


The World from Merlin's Point of View

The above shot is from my friend Solene's apartment in Versailles. Besides the glorious view, the thing I love the most about this picture is the little cat you can find at the bottom of it.

Little Merlin would climb up on this windowsill and watch the world go on beautifully around him. It's hard to tell from the photo, but the square below would get packed with midday markets, people eating and laughing over crepes, motorcycles whizzing by, and the lovely unfolding of Versailles daily life.

Merlin would look down on all of these happenings as if he were the mightiest little lion watching over his vast kingdom. Merlin taught me once again to stop, look around, and simply notice life.

I would stand behind Merlin the Mighty (his new name) to watch it all, and we would gaze together at the sunset, eager for what the next day might offer us. We never took this view for granted; moreover, I think this view will forever challenge me on days when I'm taking life for granted.


The 10,000 Hour Rule

I've been reading a book called Outliers which touches on the idea of the 10,000 hour rule. This rule states to become an expert at something you must practice it 10,000 hours. Obviously, musical instruments and sports come to mind, but this can be applied to anything.

On my flight back to the States a few days ago, I talked about the book with a guy next to me and he asked "What have you done for 10,000 hours?"

I thought for a second and realized that the answer is writing. This blog has singlehandedly prompted me to write up a storm for a good 12 years. 12 YEARS I'VE HAD THIS BLOG. 

I've not written as much the last two years--the entire time I've been in New York City. Unfortunately, that shows me how New York City suppresses my creative energy. It's also the amount of years I've been full time at my job, so I've also just been BUSY.

I'm slowly inching my way back into the joy of writing as it's something that releases anxiety and brings clarity to my life--it's a form of meditation for me. I feel a tad rusty, but it's already feeling great hearing that 'tap tap tap' on the keyboard. It's a reminder to make time for the things you love, a.k.a., the things you are willing to practice for 10,000 hours. If all of a sudden you've stopped practicing something you've invested that much time in, things may be off balance, and it's time to take restock of how you spend your day.

As I've spent the last 2 months on the road, I now think it's time to write write write all the thoughts, experiences, and conclusions floating around in my head. Hello writing, it's me again, Ashley!

What have you practiced for 10,000 hours? 

Photo credit


Catch Me If You Can (Current Travels and Future Goals)

Good day, bloggers.

I've been a busy, busy lady. I've been traveling up a storm! I started with a week in London, and now I'm currently sitting in Derbyshire, pictured above. Not a bad view, eh? It could be worse (wink).

I've not just been traveling, I have been work traveling. This is just as exhausting as it is exciting, but it's so worth it. Somedays I pinch myself to make sure it's all real. I remember when I used to sit in an office, day after day, bored out of my mind, wishing I could literally jump on any plane I saw flying overhead. Now I'm actually sitting on said planes. While I often miss the camaraderie found in the office environment, I wouldn't trade my jet-setting, train-hopping ways for anything.

I revel in the realization that the things you really want from life will come to you if you work hard enough and you believe it will actually happen.

The next chapter of my life will soon find me in Boston, where I finally feel open and ready to finding a true partner in travel (a.k.a. Ashley's ultimate love interest). I don't talk about love often on this blog, but I feel the stars aligning in a way that tells me I'm ready for a certain stage in my life. I think timing plays a huge role in a good love story, so I feel happy writing these words out loud: for the first time in my life, I feel completely open, ready, and willing to go for love. Meaning, like all good things, I'm ready to put in the work towards this goal, and I believe it exists. That's a lot to say for the latest of bloomers!

But you better believe, he's got to be just as much of a traveler as me :)

For now, you'll catch me in the Lake District, Wales, Amsterdam, and France, if you can even catch me at all.


I'm Shipping Up to Boston!

If you are friends with me on social media, then you know I have announced I am moving...


I first fell in love with Boston about 2 years ago. It was a lovely June trip with perfect weather and a spontaneous Red Sox game thrown in the mix--I was sold.

When I first moved east for my job (also about 2 years ago) I was allowed to pick what city I wanted to live in; however, Boston already had two advisors residing in it, so I knew I'd have to choose a different city to call my own. Having visited New York before, I went full force NYC.

It's been a crazy challenging two years in the biggest American city. I've been torn to pieces, a typical story for all that have come to live here. Tired, torn, challenged to the max, and ready to relax, I had a talk with my boss about moving to another city. I had Boston on the mind, but knew I needed to visit for a longer stay. I chose March for my visit, knowing the weather wouldn't be INSANELY cold, but also wouldn't be terribly comfortable. The week I stayed, I got hit with freezing temps, a blizzard, and crazy winds...


I got in on a Friday, and announced I was moving to Boston by Tuesday. Not even a full week had passed and I knew it was my home.

I'll have a lot to write about Boston in coming months, but until then, I'll enjoy my time left in NYC. Actually, I don't have a lot of time left, as my travel schedule goes as follows:

April 1-4: Miami for a Bachelorette
April 4-13: NYC
April 13-16: New Orleans for a Wedding
April 16-26: San Diego to visit home :)
April 26-May 2: NYC
May 2-June 6: London, Northern England, Wales, Amsterdam, France (ooohhhhhh yeahhhhh)
June 6-August 15th: NYC

NYC, you and I have less than 3 months left. We'll make the most of it, you crazy sonofabitch! (I can never say that you're not fun).

Mostly, I'm looking forward to changes. I'm looking forward to a healthier lifestyle. I'm looking forward to a life unfolding the way I choose.

I wrote this blog post after I first visited 2 years ago: 


You have joined the ranks of Cities I AdoreCities I Would Live In, and any other love list I can make for cities. You've got beauty, you've got style, you've got history, and you've got that sexy attitude. Clearly the full package, I can't help but wonder if I will indeed live in you one day. Like Rome, London, New York, and other cities I keep close to my heart, you are a new favorite I will dream of on the rough days, my beautiful muse...

Until We Meet Again,
Ashley xoxo


Looks like I'm shipping up to Boston.


2016: A Good Traveling Year (and Looking to New Things in 2017)

My most prized accomplishment in life is travel, so of course I had to put together my favorite end of the year post (it's coming a little late).

In an effort to ignore the fact a crazed megalomanic is taking office, let's talk about escapism!

In 2016, I did a lot of US travel, with a sprinkle of international travel. I went to one new country, one new city, and lots of new little towns thanks to driving through Upstate New York and Western Mass.

Here's the breakdown month by month (in case you are REMOTELY interested):

Janaury: Came back from a trip from San Diego over the holidays. Stayed in NYC for most of cold, snowy, slushy January. I experienced my first blizzard this month!!

February - March: Work travel to Upstate/Western Massachusetts/New Jersey...lots of hopping on trains! Below is a view I've seen numerous times taking the train back and forth from Albany.

April: Back to San Diego for work (two week trip!).

May: I had to slip in an international trip, because if I didn't, WHO AM I? London and Berlin is where I took off to with two of my close NYC pals.

June: I was off to Turkey for my cousin's wedding. I have a lot to write about Turkey here on this blog, but the words are not quite coming to me just yet. What you do need to know is that Turkish people are still the loveliest people on the planet, and somehow, they are also the strongest. I think back to how great my visit was in June, and I know that someday I will have more trips to Turkey.

July: Stayed in NYC (in that SWELTERING city heat). Yes, I jump in fountains when it's too hot.

August: Short weekend trip to The Hamptons

September: Upstate New York, Virginia, and Washington DC (I'm really getting used to driving around the East Coast!).

October: BACK to San Diego/Orange County for work (3 week trip!)

November: Berkshires, Massachusetts for work (it's seriously gorgeous up there).

December: Back to San Diego for healing an almost broken ankle and overburdened heart. And what a healing month and a half it's been in California (not to mention a cheeky New Year's Eve trip to Vegas).


2016 KICKED MY ASS. It was a year of tears, busy work schedules, discomfort, heartbreak...and yet, I am so thankful for it! It's not enjoyable going through one of the hardest years of your life, but what comes out of it is such intense clarity on where you want your life to go.

2017, I have some plans for you! I'll be in Miami and New Orleans for a second time (my friend's bachelorette and wedding). I'm also taking a long trip to the UK/France come May. I have some more travel up my sleeve, but I'm just plotting it out right now.

Most importantly, August is my NYC expiration date and I am planning my next move. I do have one city in mind above the rest, but I will announce my new city when it's official (don't want to go announcing things on the internet before they are set in stone).


Here's to life in all its forms. I welcome the sadness, I welcome the happiness, I welcome everything that makes me a strong, beautiful, fearless woman. I have not felt more independent than this moment, knowing that I can take it all and still stay standing. 


Thanks for Loving Me the Way I Am

*Clinks Glasses*

Me: I think after New York, I'll live in X city or X city. I like both, but I'm not sure which one to really go for. UGH, I don't mean to be so indecisive...

Rachel: Yes you do! It's who you are and that's ok. You like living in different cities. 

Me (laughing at my own silliness): You're right, thanks for loving me the way I am. 

**Everyone should have a life long friend like Rachel** 
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