3.31.2005

An Interesting Spring Break, Thus Far

I'm sitting here in Jackizzle's pimped out room, and man, Jackizzle is a real P-I-M-P, let me tell ya. She's supposed to have a roomate, but the lucky little sucker doesn't have one. Geez Jack, try living with 5 other girls in your room and then you can know what my life is like!

So what oh-so-wonderful sights have I seen at Chapman thus far? Here is a small list:
1. Jaclyn's makeshift king size bed (with a fitted sheet that doesn't fit over the ginormous thing)
2. Dolls being lynched in the hallway. Dude, I am not kidding here. It's a travesty, really.
3. Indoor soccer played outside. This concept doesn't really make sense, but somehow it works--in a crazy world, that is. Orange, CA is a different dimension, seriously!

I blame all this craziness on the Santa Ana winds...they always make people act stranger than normal. Maybe Orange is just strange on it's own...they sure like the fact that they are called "Orange" for they incorporate their name in just about, oh, EVERYTHING.

No, really, it's fun here. Jackizzle can be quite amusing at times. She's a blonde, you know? I have to give her a break, she tries hard (hehehe, I love you jack). I don't want Spring Break to end! I like this whole relaxing thing! Oh well, it's not over yet...we'll cross that road when we get there.

3.30.2005

Learning How to Read Again

I haven't just sat down and read a book for the longest time. And I'm talking ages here.

Although I enjoyed some of the required readings from good ol' Poway Unified School district (Of Mice and Men, Catcher in the Rye, etc.), the last time I actually read a book by my own free will was a LONG time ago. We're talking Ronald Dahl time here. I was in 5th grade and especially delighted with the Big Friendly Giant (and you'd say the "BFG" for short, if you were cool).

So after DECADES of not reading--ok,ok, it can't be decades plural, but it sounds more dramatic than saying "after a decade"--I have finally decided to pick up a book and READ. Reading (without a deadline or without a teacher's interpretation of the theme stuffed down your throat) is in fact, quite enjoyable. And what am I reading? Pride and Prejudice. Michelle loves this book SO much that I had to give it a try. And so far, i'm happy I did.

I think that maybe we should launch a nationwide campaign to strip mind-draining video games from homes and replace them with vocabulary-adding, mind-exercising books.

Then maybe we would produce a few smart presidents.

3.29.2005

I will not live a life unlived

I'm sure some of you have heard that Johnny Cochran died today. And at 67. What's weird about that to me is that my mom is almost 65 (I won't make you do any math, she was 44 when she had me).

I've always been a little sad to have an older mother. Not because we can't "relate." That's just a fallacy; the fact that my mom had another kid so old keeps her younger in many ways. If any of you were to talk or see my mom, you wouldn't think she's older than 50...and most people don't. She gets carded everytime she tries to get one of those senior citizen deals, they think she's a lyin' cheat...haha.

What I've always been sad about is the fact that she will die eariler in my life than what is normal.

I know that we never know when we or our parents will die. Sadly, many kids I've known in highschool have already lost one, or both. But, in normal terms, ruling out car accidents or freak diseases, my mom will go first before everyone else's. It makes me sad, of course.

That's not to say that my mom can't live till 90. And it very well may be that she will; she has an evernescant spirit that is very much alive. I guess, there's no reason for me to worry. I just can't help it sometimes. Worrying is probably one of my greatest downfalls.

Anyway, people die everyday. That's just a fact we have to deal with. Which makes me realize that I don't want to settle for a job I don't want or a life I didn't work hard for...I'm not going to settle for mediocre before I die. I will at least attempt to land my dream job so that there's no regrets.

That's really all that me, or my mom, could ask for.

3.28.2005

coming to a realization...

So, continuing from my last post, I must say that there is nothing that I can do for my sister to magically "mend" her. The only thing that will heal her is herself-- her own self-realization and analysis. That's a frustrating thing to admit; of course I want to make things better for someone I love. Thinking too much is what sometimes hurts me most. I need to do more thinking with my heart than with my brain, if that is possible.


On a lighter note, it feels very good and relaxing to be on Spring Break. It's a monday--the day that I hate!!--and I'm breathing easily. I haven't caught up on any school work as of yet, but really, I don't intend to. Hehe, it makes me happy to completely ignore the workload that awaits me when I return from paradise. But right now the sun is shining and I'm completely ignoring the clouds looming up ahead. Anyway, when I get back to school, there's no doubt that I will feel more organized, like my lungs have opened up ten-fold to allow some easier breathing.


On a random note: Why are hamburgers called HAMburgers? They are beef, after all. I just wanted to bring that to attention.
So, continuing from my last post, I must say that there is nothing that I can do for my sister to magically "mend" her. The only thing that will heal her is herself-- her own self-realization and analysis. That's a frustrating thing to admit; of course I want to make things better for someone I love. Thinking too much is what sometimes hurts me most. I need to do more thinking with my heart than with my brain, if that is possible.


On a lighter note, it feels very good and relaxing to be on Spring Break. It's a monday--the day that I hate!!--and I'm breathing easily. I haven't caught up on any school work as of yet, but really, I don't intend to. Hehe, it makes me happy to completely ignore the workload that awaits me when I return from paradise. But right now the sun is shining and I'm completely ignoring the clouds looming up ahead. Anyway, when I get back to school, there's no doubt that I will feel more organized, like my lungs have opened up ten-fold to allow some easier breathing.


On a random note: Why are hamburgers called HAMburgers? They are beef, after all. I just wanted to bring that to attention.

3.26.2005

I need a solution....

It is four in the afternoon here and the once joyful morning sun is hanging here like a curse. Trapped behind the clouds, it's just waiting to set into the horizon.


I sound a little sad because I'm sad for my sister. She's unhappy and I don't know how to mend her. It's an extremely frustrating situation. What does she need? Faith? More love? Therapy?


Life is very odd sometimes and hard to figure out. I wish I had all the answers. At one time I was convinced that I did. I'm finding out rapidly that that's not the case.


Why is it that the world always advertises its problems, but never shows me the solution?

3.24.2005

and one...and two...and three

Today I participated in an experiment. haha, that's sounds crazy when I say it out loud. It was just an experiment for my friend Tracey's class, an ab experiment! That gives me a great laugh, for I haven't attempted to do a crunch or even half a sit-up since high school (when I was forced). But today, alas, I voluteered to do the suckers.

Isn't it sad that my abs were aching after 30 crunches? Yeah, I know it's sadder than sad. Maybe I'll think about getting a gym membership sometime...hehe, I have to laugh at that too, for I know that I am FAR too lazy to ever pull that one off! Only if you gave me chocolate, which would defeat the purpose.

3.23.2005

Priceless

I just bought a SDSU sweatshirt, unnecessarily; the price: $45

I have to pay for half of my security deposit for the apartments, daddy is paying for the other half (hehe, sometimes I'm spoiled), the price: $225

I'm volunatrily paying for an overly expensive Elton John concert ticket, the price (for a good seat) : $80-$100

I'm not good at math, but geez, I've been spending a lot lately...someone needs to take my debit card away. The problem with debit cards is that you don't actually see the money being taken away, so it almost feels free. Wow, see that mindset that I have? I need therapy, seriously.

I Want to be Doing NOTHING!

So it's raining outside, just before our spring break, and we really can't have that. I want my spring break to be full of sunshine and time at the beach. While the ocean looks cool when it rains, I'd much rather have the sun out creating those glimmers in the water when it reflects light.

Maybe I should invest in books that teach you how to do a "sun dance." Maybe I'll just rely on that song we learned as a kid, "Rain, rain, go away, come again another day..."

Anyway, whether or not it rains, I am entirely ready for a break. Too much work all at once gets to me after awhile without some sort of resting period. I am so incredibly happy that by next Monday at this time I may just be sitting in my house, watching a movie, drinking some hot chocolate and just doing nothing. "Doing Nothing" is the most precious waste of time I've ever heard of.

3.22.2005

A Major Pain in My Ass

My crack whore landlord is a real bitch, we're all starting to find out. I think someone has been stealing her drugs, and that's why she's in a bad mood. I just wanna ask her "who stuck that giant lallapalooza up your ass? (in case you didn't know, that's one of those giant lollipops you can get at Disneyland). I just hate when people are intentionally rude and incredibly unprofessional...sorry, I'm getting crazy with the adverbs here, but there's no other way to describe this bitchy woman. You would THINK that she would be happy that we're buying apartments and giving this heinous bitch money, but I guess that isn't good enough!


Don't piss me off woman, cause mama said knock you out! this is a joke, of course, I know I'll probably just avoid this lady at all costs. Live throws some real black-eye-producing curve balls sometimes...

Pack Me in a Suitcase, Will Ya?

So, Michelle is going to leave for Spain tomorrow (on her birthday, by the way, so happy birthday!). Of course, I am jealous. Many would say that isn't fair, since I've been overseas at least 4 times...but it really becomes an addictive process. So now that Michelle is leaving on a jet plane to a land filled with culture and history far beyond the American knowledge, I want to come along! Can you stuff me in your suitcase, Michelle? Yeah, maybe those security bastards will find me, but we'll take that chance.



I don't imagine I'll ever really leave America for another country, but it's nice to have an escape from ignorance every once and awhile.

3.21.2005

Random Ramblings of Mine While Playing Hooky

I'm much to lazy to go to class right now, so I'm boycotting. It gives me much more pleasure to sit here and write and be lazy. I'll even insert a happy face here to further show my exuberance from skipping class ===> :).

This week I'm going to buy tickets to see Elton John in concert...hell yeah I'm happy about that! I'm ready to see big, glitterly sunglasses while listening to Benny and the Jets and dancing with a bunch of gay fans. Sounds like a great night o' fun to me. Though it may be a night o' fun that costs $100, it's still worth it to me.

Never, Never, Never give out your e-mail address to a native when going overseas...they will bug you for ETERNITY. That's not all people of course, but some people are obsessive!

On a side note, I really would like to have a movie marathon right now, but alas, homework calls my name!

3.20.2005

another good lyric

I was listening to an old Red Hot Chili Peppers' song and it had a line that I like; 'Tis a good line:

"Heard your voice through a photograph..."




See? Poetry hasn't died, it just lives in music. Except for the Macarena of course.

3.19.2005

I see an end in sight!

I realize that recently I have sounded a bit, uh...how do you say, stressed out? Yeah, that's the word of the week (or couple words). But that too-busy-to-survive week is over with! My lungs are no longer held together in a clamp-like fashion, for I can breathe easily! I just have to learn how to manage my time better. I couldn't imagine having the job of a publicist or high-up-on-the-ladder businessman. I couldn't handle those overly stressful jobs. Yeah, deadlines with journalism are stressful, but that's a bit different.

Wow, I'm rambling, I realize. At least I stopped myself. You see, my brain is learning how to function again. Maybe I should write "Out of Order" on my forehead with a sharpie...hehehe. Ok, maybe that was only funny to me.

Hmmm...I wonder what it would be like to be body slammed? How to those wrestlers do it? Yes, I know that this question is completely random...but my "out of order" brain was just exposed to way too much glitter paint at the Mt. Carmel Airbands. Oh gosh, it's like a glitter orgasm happened in there. Yeah, my analogies/similies aren't too keen right now either, I realized. Maybe I should stop realizing things and just go to bed now.

Oh sweet sleep, my only lover at the moment.

3.17.2005

Go for Gold

Keeping my eyes open is an Olympic-sized task right now for me...wow, that's sad to say when it's only 9 pm. I feel like a little old lady, where is my rocking chair?

It's just one of those weeks where sanity is out of the question. Maybe I should just be tied up in a straight jacket.

I should definitely get a gold medal for dealing with this week and still staying alive. Not bronze or silver, but gold. I deserve that much (and a Nike endorsement to go with it to make me a few million).

Sell My Soul

So I just signed my life away to the devil today. Ok, well maybe I'm not stating the truth here. Techically, I just signed a lease to live in apartments (almost like signing away your life, no?) and the lady was a bit narotic, therfore she could be the devil. See, same thing! She really was a bit of a crazy woman, though...someone who has a stick-wedged-very-far-up-her-ass-type-of-attitude. I'll call her the crack whore landlord from now on...yeah, she's definitely packing some type of hard drug.

On a random note: I purple eyeshadow!

3.16.2005

My Brain has officially gone on strike

My brain can no longer function as of right now...I can hardly even spell, and I'm like a human spellcheck, seriously. But it looks like I've lost that trait. I just took my communications midterm, who knew a test could get so freakin' specific? "How many daily afternoon newspapers are published in California?" I don't know, nor do I care. Now I have to study for econ, oh how I hate that malevolent subject...I won't even be sarcastic and say I love it dearly. I hate it dearly, I spit on this subject! And, remember, my brain is refusing to function right now, so is it gonna make an exception for a subject I don't think is relevant or enlightening what-so-ever?

There is a line in a Kelis song that says "I'll set your truck to flames and watch it blow up, blow up..." It was a song about an ex-boyfriend, but I could apply that lyrics to a couple of my teachers' cars. Maybe it'll make me feel better. Anyone got a match?

3.15.2005

And then she died...

I don't believe I can survive this much studying, I think I will certainly be layed to rest soon...damn you, communications midterm! I can't keep my eyes open, and it's only 10:30 pm, oh man, I am a big wuss.

Sleep is of great value to me right now. I think that maybe we should find a way to somehow sell sleep. I would buy some! Maybe the United States could invest in this idea and sell sleep to selected asian countries that force their students/slaves to attend school monday-saturday. Maybe our blue-whale-sized debt would be slightly relieved then.

Wow, I need to lay off the Dr. Pepper.

Easy like tuesday morning

So I'm sitting here, acting all girly and painting my nails...what a waste of time and what a relaxing waste of time it is. The problem is I'm not so talented at this task, and my skin, along with my nails, is now a striking shade of hot pink. That's alright, it'll come off in the shower.

I quite enjoy tuesday mornings. Too many songs are made about sunday mornings and not enough about tuesday (martedi in italian, stands for "mars day"). This is my time to think and remain sain for the remainder of the hectic week. And I have time to just sit here and listen to my music, Marvin is soothing me right now and making me ponder the question "What's Going on?"

My sister comes in town from England on Thursday and I'm excited for that. Everest and Brendan (my nephews) always humour (spelled the english way--hehe) me with their little Cornwall accents.

Life is not always as bad as I sometimes make it out to be. At least my nails are painted a cheery color, that should count for something.

3.13.2005

Prepare for war, bitches!

Freakin' econ is kicking my ass right now and it pisses me off. What pisses me off more is when people come up to me and say, "Oh, you're not getting econ? Well, that's common sense stuff."

Shut up you bastard. I could kick your ass on an essay anyday. I will not go gently, however. Lucifer's subject will not overcome.

I'm pulling out the cannons and I will win the war...god I'm so dramatic, I need a freakin' B in this class though! Econ, you ARE going down to Chinatown.

3.12.2005

And it all went down the drain

Feeling drained is not a good feeling to be having, I've decided.

But alas, I am drained of energy.
I am drained of sleep.
I am drained of creativity.
I am drained of time.
I am drained of # 2 pencils...there are far too many tests!
I am drained of sanity.
I am drained of relaxation.

And all that I am drained of has been replaced with stress, blank stares, zoning and a tarnished nickel in my pocket. You can't even buy Bazooka Bubble gum with that anymore, can you? That's alright, it looses it's flavor far too quickly anyway. But that's off the subject.

I need to lay off the soda and caffiene. And please, if you have a cure for chronic procrastination, please be so kind as to tell me what it is. Thankyou kindly.

Oh my heaven! ALL I would like to do is sleep...and maybe read pride and prejudice. Still, there's hardly time in the world to do that.

I need some chocolate. And a hug.

3.11.2005

my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

I still love that song. I just apply myslef to the lyrics and and act super cocky...then I laugh at myself.

I was speaking with my little buddy michael today at work and he said something to me that made me go "awww..." and blush a little (I'm such an idiot, seriously).

He told me that I didn't need to wear makeup, that I looked good without it. Every girl likes to hear stuff like that; get out your damn permanent ink and take note guys. Too bad michael's gay, and his boyfriend is a hot 6'7'' love machine. What a waste!

Oh well, guess I'll just sing the milkshake song to myself...

Give me the beat, boys...

and free my soul, I wanna get lost in your rock n' roll and drift away...

I would like to take some time today to just get lost in music. But instead I have to go to work and listen to Musac (it's a satellite radio). Too much Bryan Adams and not enough Marvin. Not the same, my friends, not the same.

3.10.2005

I'm just saying...

I really need to sleep. I have to wake up at 6 fucking 30 in the morning. There's no sunlight at that time during the day because God did NOT intend for human beings to be up at THAT time!

Geeez...Heath Ledger is hot. Sorry, I'm looking at a picture of the Australian hottie. And now I'm getting delirious. Yep, goodnight people.

Boba!!

I just got back from grabbing some de-lisssss-cious boba with Jenna, Krissy, and Annie (my lil). The funniest part of this whole mini-excursion was Krissy thinking that the little tapioca balls were fish eyes...hahaha. Poor little misinformed Krissy. Just kidding Krissy, you know more about a wide variety of things than little ol' me.

Today is georgous! The sun is out and smiling and giving me a well needed tan. It's not easy being white...kermit you've got nothing on me with your greeness! Yeah, so I have a test today, but it's in italian. Italian, I've decided is my friend, for I've gotten nothing but A's in it. I'm proud of myself there. Econ, on the other hand, is not my friend. I want to murder econ. What would possess a person to become an economist? Are they that bored? Go play some monopoly or something to supress the boredom, but please choose a better major.

I want to go to the beach! I can only go so long without interacting with the ocean and beautiful nature. And today is the perfect day to take a drive over to the beach and blast Bob Marley or random oldies. Maybe over the weekend sometime...

I like my men mixed with some humor...don't forget the sarcasm!

It's a thursday afternoon and I'm full. I went to The LivingRoom with Michelle and had a lovely mocha with a mountain of whip cream, came home and had some cantaloupe, grapes, grilled cheese, doritos and salad. Whew!

Speaking of going to the LivingRoom with Michelle, which was a fabulous meeting with her like usual, I asked her a question that I had been pondering myself. I asked, "Have you ever been attracted to someone who isn't traditionally attractive?" I was choosing my words wisely, of course. And I asked because I've found myself attracted to a few guys who aren't attractive to most. But they were all extremely hilarious, and that is the NUMBER ONE most attractive thing to me. I hate when guys assume I'm attracted to them because of their looks and forget that, yes, personality IS important and, yes, you BETTER have one. Especially having a sarcastic, humorous personality is nice.

I am superficial in many ways. But it's good to know that I'm not superficial about dating. I'm proud of it in fact.

3.09.2005

groundbreaking news....

I just watched Team America and Napoleon Dynamite. I can now say that I have finally lived.

here are a few of my favorite things...

Randomly I have the urge to tell you my top 5 song list. Come on, top 5 lists are fun! well, maybe just to me...

These are not in any certain order:
1)Brown-eyed girl--this song just makes me happy. It has one of the greatest lines ever! That would be "Making love in the green grass, behind the stadium, with you, my brown-eyed girl."

2)Heard it through the grapevine--marvin's voice is beauuuutiful and extremely insightful to his soul. I also like "What's going on," but this one is ultimately my favorite.

3)Stellar--I really love Incubus and their wonderful guitar riffs. And I want someone to sing this to me and tell me I'm "stellar."

4)Landslide--I like the old version and new one. They have a pretty poetic flair to them that feeds my literary need. And the melody is heavenly.

5)I Wanna Hold Your Hand--so simple yet the # 1 thing I would want for guys to tell me...sigh...

This list really is just my mood today. They are all favorites of mine, but are interchangable with other favorites of mine. So yeah, just wanted to give some insight to the way to my heart...

3.08.2005

we should all just scratch out our eyes

This whole body image struggle with girls thing is really getting on my nerves.

I hear a girl saying that she's ugly, fat or and other countless adjectives that describe how one is not good enough EVERYDAY. EVERY freaking DAY I hear this crap...just shoot me in the head please...it really pisses me off.

The girls don't piss me off. It's the fact that these gorgeous, yes gorgeous, girls think that they're hideous. And it really doesn't matter how many times I tell them that they're pretty. They shrug it off, tell me I'm wrong and argue with me about it. I have a feeling that if I told them they were ugly they would just agree. That is SO depressing, so fucking depressing!!!!!!!!!!!

What the hell do I have to do? I feel like this is an unstoppable rolling stone. I could build strong brick foundations to my arguments as to why they are pretty, but their ball of insecurity will still just easily break through it. Sorry for the not-so-orginal analogy, but it's all I can picture.

I realize that there's nothing I can say. These girls somehow, someway have to find out for themselves that they are worth the title "beautiful girl." I just want to pull them out of the dirt and grime they've trapped themselves in and wipe their tears and tell them "you ARE beautiful, because of your personality, you ARE one of the most beautiful persons I've seen."

People may say I have no foundation for this argument because I'm skinny (and most of the complaints I heard today were about weight). Well, don't you worry, I've felt ugly before. If not with weight, with something else...there's ALWAYS something else.

It's just not fair. It's frustrating because I can't fix it, it'll just stay unfair forever, it seems. Why do girls have to go through this crap? Why can't we all just feel that we're good enough? That's all we want...just to be acceptable.

for your information

Did you know that it's International Women's Day Today? No, I am not gonna yell out "Girl Power" today, that would make me cringe. But it's pretty cool that women are recognized today. We are important, after all...i.e. the human race would DIE without us.

Wow, I am the biggest procrastinator I know. That's like 3 posts in 30 minutes...I NEED to do some homework...

Yep, I know how I'm dying...

Girl Scout Cookies (those little devils have taken all my money), Snickers, Krispy Kreme and Hershey's will be the death of me.




I think I should sue.

feeling purified

Today I feel not so much like dirty rain water/spit...I feel more like slightly dirty river water, an improvement, no?

Maybe it's because I watched an enlightening episode of Full House--complete with hugs. Maybe it's because William made us hot chocolate complimented with chocolate whip cream. Maybe it's because I skipped econ this morning and opted for sleeping in instead.

All of these answers are possible options for why I feel better today. Also, right now I'm listening to music. And I'm writing. I realize that thee two things make me incredibly happy.

I'm 20 and alive and happy and I need to always remember that I am very lucky to be all those things.

Geez, I'm so sappy sometimes when I write. I need to quit that.

3.07.2005

in the gutter

Sometimes, oh sometimes, i just want to melt into the ground...I might as well be a big puddle for people to step in, right?

That's what I feel like today, like dirty rejected rain water gathered up on the side of the road, mixed with the spit and the grime.

It's not just because it's monday. It's not for any particular reason. My head just hurts and my eyes are aching (maybe that's from my contacts).

I feel like taking a sledgehammer and breaking up a wall to smithereens (sp?). Or take a doll and rip it's head off...wow, I sound like a serial killer. I swear, if people mess with me today I'll squirt purfume in their eye (so what? I don't own mase).

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude...I'm just gonna go to sleep and it will be the next day and things will be alright with the world. And then I'll do a little dance, cause then maybe I can smile.

mondays suck a big one

Everytime I write about mondays I realize I sound mad...it's because I hardly have time to write this post today! This is why I'm not going to italian class today; I went to little italy yesterday, does that count as going to italian class?

I just want to sit outside in a lawn chair and listen to John Mayer...the weather is perrrrrrrrrrrrfect (haha, I didn't mean to sound like a cat) and lately I've been having a love affair with John Mayer's music. Maybe someday I can have a love affair with him...hehehehehe. Maybe that was only amusing to me. Alright, I gotta go take an econ quiz, that evil class! Oh, why can't it be tuesday already?

traveling, anyone?

So far I have Michelle for Italy, Jaclyn for England and Lauren for Turkey...what's up little traveling buddies?

Do I have any takers for Spain and France? And how about India and Japan while we're at it? ok, we'll throw Germany in there too.

Now if only I had the funds. Any takers for aiding me in robbing a bank?

3.06.2005

more than calling in sick...

I don't wanna go to work tomorrow. My roomate stefie told me I sould call in dead.

This sounds like a mighty good idea to me.

the unliteral highway

The night is consuming me
and the road is so dark and dense now
All that I have are hopes that my highbeams will function well
and that I'll make it to the other side safely
and in victory
to relish in the stars and sleep in the dust of the moon
and know I have met my destiny

do you think I'm sexy?

This message is for Mr. Rod Stewart. If you really were sexy, you wouldn't have to make a song that asks millions of people around the world if you are.

I bring up this point because my mom wants me to see "sexy" Rod live in concert with her. I can't even write that sentence without laughing.

I'm getting my insults out now; if I were to insult this self-proclaimed "sex-god" at the concert, I'm sure the headlines would look like this: 20 YEAR-OLD GIRL STRANGLED BY 50+ YEAR-OLD WOMEN WITH DISCOUNTED FREDRICKS OF HOLLYWOOD BRAS. yeah, or something like that.

Just please, Mr. Stewart, DO NOT ask if I want your body...I may just throw up right there.

3.05.2005

wait, I have family?

I talked to my aunt today for the first time in a long time. Like, since graduation...yeah, that's kind of sad. And that's how it is with some of my cousins too. Like my cousin PJ, who is 3 months older than me and at the same crossroads in his life...I probably would be close with him. It's just hard when I don't have any family living a 20-minute car ride away. The closest ones live in Colorado, then Michigan, then....Turkey. So, you can say that there's a distance problem.

My new resolution is to get in touch with family members that I haven't spoken to in years. Hey, we share blood, it's the least I can do.

happiness is...

Here is a small compilation of things that make me happy, for no particular reason, simply because I want to tell you:
  • beans, cheese and rice burritos with hot sauce...I love little mexican hole-in-the-walls that may or may not be federally inspected :)
  • The color your lips turn after eating a popsicle
  • sitting at the edge of a pool with your feet in the water
  • driving on a 78-degree day with my sunroof open and a slight breeze dancing in the air
  • the smell of gasoline (this makes me sound like a weirdo, I realize
  • the ellipsis...and I HATE it when people call it the "dot dot dot thingy." You fools! Ellipsis is a cool word, so use it!
  • eating a whole box of chocolate in one sitting
  • walking around in airports ( i love the lady on the intercom that speaks in different languages)
  • hot chocolate with handmade whip cream
  • kisses on the cheek, by anyone
  • dancing like there's no tomorrow
  • tapping on windows after you've gotten a manicure
  • watching movies that scare the hell out of me...god, why do I find joy from this?
  • the sound ice cubes make in a glass full of water
  • running through a field with really high grass
  • getting and recieving hugs
  • glasses...and guys that look cute in them
  • trying to taste the rain
  • peeling off nail polish
  • talking with a friend over a cup of coffee
  • that moment in the movie theater when the room darkens and the movie is about to begin
  • the curve before the big dip in the rollercoaster

Ok, so this list is getting a little long...so I'll stop. And yes, I know I'm a weirdo, it's just the way I am. But I have one more thing to add: Watching Romeo and Juliet (with Leo) and inserting myself into Claire Danes character...oh yes, that definitely makes me happy!

3.04.2005

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

No, I'm not trying to be a pirate.

Today was pretty crappy. I guess I feel that way because I was super pampered yesterday, rightfully so, and today I got no flowers or presents or chocolate. I motion to make birthdays 8 times a year. All who agree say "aye". Maybe that would keep me happier.

Maybe I was in a crappy mood today cause I had to work 8 hours. I hate being a slave to wearing a fake smeared on smile just to please customers. Why should I smile at some of those assholes when all I really wanna do is take my medium ink ballpoint pen and stab it through their hand? Then I would really have something to smile about.

Ok,ok....I'm calmer now. I did just drive home (through the freakin' hurricane! I swear I was hydroplaning at 60 mph), and I listened to some Jimi Hendrix. I've never been a huge fan of his, but I pull out his songs whenever I'm in this kind of mood. The wailing on his depressed guitar really knows how to sing my mood. And I may not be a fan of all his songs, but I will always LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE "Voodoo Child." I really relish in the line "well I'm standing next to a mountain/ I chop it down with the edge of my hand..." That is so freakin cool. I wonder what it would be like to be so omnipotent? For a moment, when listening to this song, I can feel the power.

Right now the rain and it's hypnotic rhythm is relaxing my overused muscles, so finally I'm not so tense. I think I'll go now and let it carry me off to sleep. Maybe I'll have a dream about chopping the hell out of a mountain...

20 years and one day old...my "twenty's" officially begin

Well, today is my sister's birthday. Yep, our birthdays are one day apart. And we're one day apart from being exactly 20 years apart. So, if you did your math correctly, yes, my sister is officially 40 today. So, here I am complaining about being 20 and "old." Well, my sister is a heck of a lot older, but she doesn't internalize crap like that. She will forever be young in my eyes and her eyes too.

So, looking at life with those eyes--a fresh perspective, no less--I'll never be too old unless I personally tell myself I'm old. The scariest thing about turning 20 is that I started to create a list in my head that people do in their 20's: graduate, get married, have kids, buy a house, find a great job (for girls decide whether you should stay home with the kids or keep your job, which is NOT fair), buy a new car....ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! So I freaked myself out a little.

What I need to remember is that I'm never too old to:
  • learn piano
  • switch my career choice (this one is a scary thought)
  • move to a different location
  • party till the break of dawn (oh yeah, I'll be doing that when I'm 80)
  • have kids (there is a limit, yes, but my mom had me when she was 44, what a trooper!)
  • get married (I'm in noooooooooooooooooooooooooo rush for this)

and....

  • stay a kid (my dad is a kid sometimes; losing you inner kid is like loosing your creativity and uniqueness. I'll never let it slip away)

To end on that note, thanks Jaclyn for the talking molerat names Rufus and the fuzzy green flamingo pen...it'll help me keep my inner kid in tact! Lastly, thankyou all for a wonderful birthday, I think it may have been my best yet!!

3.03.2005

This is for my people (I'm such a white girl)

THANK you, thank YOU, Thank You for all the birthday wishes and presents--you all are wonderful. And I thank you GREATLY for the chocolate. Men? Eh, don't really need them for much...But chocolate makes the world go round.

Kidding, you fools...Only partly. Yeah, so the funniest present I got was the Idiot's Guide to Being a Sex Goddess. That's a big laugh, since we all know that I'm such a sex fiend!!! (right, even God himself is laughing at this one).

And my Dad, being a teacher, had his whole class call me and sing me happy birthday. They asked what I was turning, and being that the little pip squeaks are all 11, I said 20 and they replied with, "ewwwwwwwwww, that's old!"

Haha, thanks to my dad for the "happy" message. So, it is now 2:00 pm and I was born at 1:58 pm. I am now officially 20. Soon I'll be having hot flashes. Hey, it's fun to be overdramatic sometimes :)

Again, thanks for everything you cooooooooooool people. Truly, from the bottom of my little heart, thankyou--you made my day today.

20 years!

Today is my Birthday!!!! Yay! I'm not even gonna be sly about it. 20 years ago my mom was in labor, and giving birth to me prematurely (about 6 weeks). I would have been due on Tax day (thank God I wasn't), but instead little Ashley Johanna popped out on March 3, 1985. Yay!!!!!! Hate to be a dork, but:

Happy Birthday to me!

3.02.2005

easier said than done...

what oh what do you do when you think someone in your class is cute, but you've never talked to the guy? geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez, I'm such a little girl sometimes!!!!

Yes, yes, yes...I'm not stupid, I know the obvious answer to this question.
He has chocolate brown hair and chocolate brown eyes and I heart chocolate.

Someone please just stab me through the heart, please? Just kill my shyness.

"Hi, my name is ashley, you're cute." Is that so hard?

gas station sunglasses make me happy

I will NEVER understand these girls (and boys) who pay tons of money for designer crap. And yes I say crap because all you really are paying for is the name. Well excuse me, Mr. Louis Vuitton, I like my own name better than yours and will not pay more to wear your crappy name around. And why are your shirts $400 dollars a piece (they're probably more than that)? It's not like you use magical material made from dragon's breath and butterfly wings (but if you did, that would be pretty cool, and maybe I would pay).

I will forever be content with my $15 dollar purse and $4.50 sunglasses.

can it be the sun?

Today I woke up and saw sunlight streaming in through my windows. My carpet had been in darkness for so long, I thought it may catch on fire from this foreign thing called light!








Today I'll take some advice from the Beatles and "I'll follow the sun."

3.01.2005

the essence of life: spinning notebooks and boob size

I once heard (on tv or a movie somewhere) that laughter is the opening up of the soul. Really, I believe that. You can't control it and it gives you a personal high. People are completely themselves when they laugh. You can't mask it, you can't judge others with it--it just is.

So here I am, with my roomates, laughing. Giggling as well (hey, what do you want from us? we gotta live up to the sorority stereotype somedays). Just a moment ago we were comparing boob size...oh god, I can't believe I'm revealing this online. But it wasn't a demeaning activity, no, we were just being ourselves and giggling about the different sizes, or lack there of.

I love moments like this-- moments when I feel accepted and loved by the people around me. Then we all just laugh. We all have a great love for one another, and we're all just acting stupid and laughing.

And earlier today Rachel and I were acting dorky and laughing about spinning a notebook and how we could make it a sport. And then we added on to our bright idea: just add razor blades and you've got an instant weapon. What the heck? That's when Rachel said we were both dorks, and I agreed. But hey, dorks have some of the most interesting conversations I've ever heard.

Really now, this is what life is supposed to be about. Remember that line in the John Mayer song "No Such Thing?" The one about students that goes, "They read all the books but they can't find the answers..." Sometimes I feel that way about books and the way they so easily depersonalize life. Experience, laughing and just acting stupid (instead of trying to act intelligent all the time) teaches me more about life most of the time.

It's moments like this that make me realize that life is often times taken too seriously; just add a dallop of laughter and pessimism seems to instantly float away.

just wanna say...

WOW. Boys can be some real dumbasses sometimes.

I mean some of them are just really really stupid. Like they only use 1/10 of the 1/10 of our brain that we function from. I'm not exactly amazed by this, I just didn't know they could get this stupid.

I'm not gonna say much more here. Just stating the obvious.

the little ashley that could

Today I feel a bit like a zombie. I got enough sleep, but it's just one of those days where i can't really think or function. I need somekind of peppy song to wake up my mind right now. Where's George Michael when I need him? "Wake me up, before you go go, don't leave hanging here like a yoyo...."

I'm kidding of course! Oh man, the eighties are definitely a decade to laugh at.

So of course when I get in these zombie-like moods I break out the caffiene. Really now, coffee is a drug. There's no way around it. And I have this french vanilla cream inside, mmmmm....it brings me back to a day in 4th grade when my friend revealed to me that you could drink your parents creamer by itself, and I then proceeded to drink a whole glass of it. You may cringe at that thought, but it was "lip-smakin'" good and I had a sugar high for about 4 hours. Not that I needed it at that age.

By the way, why do we have all that energy when we're younger? I could use some now. And to think, I used to despise nap time. Man, if there was a nap time 101 in college, that would be the most popular class ever.

Back in 4th grade, I remember I had the feeling that I could take on the world, super hero style...I believed whole-heartedly that "you can do anything you put your mind to." It's a bit depressing to think how much I've changed since then and how much I always doubt myself. Sometimes I think it really would be nice to stay a kid forever. To have that ignorance about the world was definitely a blessing sometimes. Those were the days where I would play X-men all day (and be Storm, of course), roll around in the mud (and not worry about trying to look girly) and most importantly, just be completely myself.

Anyways, I've completely sidetracked here, and really I'm procrastinating from studying...but hopefully, someday, I can revisit the days of believeving COMPLETELY in myself (none of this "well maybe I can do it" crap). I'll go back to some wise words from a book I used to love..."I think I can, I think I can, I think I can." I think I can graduate. I think I can get a good job. I think I can live life without being so scared of it. At least, I'll try my hardest.

High Rollers

So yesterday, randomly at like 9:30 at night, I went to the casino for the first time. The purpose for this trip was not to de-virginate me from casinos, but to let a fellow roomate blow off steam for a horrible day she was having. What better way to blow off steam than bet all your money into oblivion?

So we enter the mansion of a casino stock full of smoke (of course), scary-looking security guards (except for one cute one) and shiny vests that look like they were used at a gay bar at some point in time (poor blackjack dealers). I then proceed to get my "Club Sycuan" card (like they think I'm gonna come back every night, those fools) and hop onto a little evil machine I'd like to call the slot machine.

The first one I played was the I Dream of Jeannie slot machine. I put my card and my dollar in and the slot machine greets me with a "hello master." I'm sure that a lot of perverts love this machine. Seriously now, this game has no rhyme or reason. It just plays cool music and chimes a bell everytime you win something. And, foolishly, I get excited when I win "2 credits." That is until someone informs me that credits are nickels. What a rip off! So, this is when the game of chance comes into play...should I keep betting in hopes to get more money? At this point I had put 3 dollars in the machine and had gained $1.80. Did I go cash in my extra dollar eighty though? of course not, I was gonna go for more money.

Needless to say, a few turns later and switch to the American Bandstand machine, I had lost all my money. It was only 3 dollars, but I lost all of it. Am I fan of casinos? Well, I realized that they are the worst kind of video games: they are addicting, they take no skill and they involve the "hopes" of winning money.

So, we left the casino, went to Jack in the Box and got a few tacos and a shake (oreo, baby!) and went to bed. Overall, the night was more about having fun with friends rather than winning money.