Ebert and Roepert and Ashley (the best critics)

Last night I was watching the news and they said that the amount of people going to movies has declined from last year. It was funny to see them search through all these reasons: the movies are getting bad, people just buy dvds now, etc. Maybe I was the only one to think this, but they left out the most important reason (those dumbasses)--THE PRICE!

Insolent fools! hehehe, no just kidding. But really, the price is a huge factor. I spent $9, count em, $9 the other day to go see Star Wars. I've heard recently that they're going to raise it to $10. Maybe this is just the crazy price in California, but I definitely don't go see random movies anymore...they have to be referred to me by a friend or they have to have some hot actor in them (haha, come on...you like the hot actors too!).

I just had to bring this factor up to attention, since the TV reporters missed it...idiots!

Anyway, I shouldn't complain too much, because often times I go to the military base and watch movies for free there. They said that they might start charging a dollar soon ( like that will put a BIG dent in my pocket).

I just don't want movie theaters to go away (the news brought up this point). There's something magical about the atmosphere there that you can never duplicate--right down to the crying baby 2 rows ahead of you. That's why we love movie theaters, we love everything about them.

And where else would I see Hayden Christensen's face 20 feet high? Just a dvd wouldn't suffice. So please, guys, stop raising the prices and keep the movie theaters around. You'll surely see a change in attendance.

Work, Sleep, Work, Sleep...a Viscious Cycle

There are a lot of friends I've been meaning to call lately, but I haven't had much time. Work has been consuming my every minute. Yeah, now I make more money, but at what cost? People aren't made to work this much, so why do we? Why do we grind ourselves down to the bone to "have a living?" What kind of living is it to only work and pay bills. I don't see much life going on there.

I guess that's why I am going to college. Hopefully when I graduate I will get a job that makes me happy. I wish we could be a little more like Italy and set aside 3 hours every day to have lunch with the family. They seem to have their priorities straight.

To my friends, I will call you this week! Seriously now, I'm not kidding. I know that I need to get my priorities straight.

Oh, and yay! I get to go to Ikea today and shop around :) Heck yes Memorial Day Sale!

Pink is for Boys, Blue is for Girls

I just wanna ask: what makes girly things girly and boyish things boyish? Who decided that lace is a girly, delicate item? Who decided that sports are more of a boy thing to do? Who decided all of this and why do we follow it?

Yesterday I was at work and this nice man and his nice daughters came up to my register to pick out balloons for her birthday party.
"Tell her what colors you want," the nice man said.
The girl searched her mind for a second and started with a list, "Pink and purple. Oh and blue."
"Are you sure you want blue? That's a boy color. You don't want that," The man said to the young impressionable daughter.
"Alright Daddy, you're right," agreed the daughter.

Hmmmm....I know this isn't a big crime. The dad isn't spreading racism or anything like that. But this is how the separation between what is girly and what is boyish comes to be. It I find it funny that he asked his daughter to pick colors, and when she did, told her that one of those colors was a wrong choice. Of course, that's when I had to but in and tell the dad that I could put some baby blue balloons in there, which is somehow more girly simply because it has the name "baby" attached to it. He quickly agreed with that. Doesn't want his daughter to become too butch, now, does he?

I just have to wonder, what if it were the other way around? What if blue was a prominent girl color? What if pink was the color of choice for boys all across the land? Would the world be destroyed? No, because all of this color nonsense is socially derived.

I'm not saying the color thing is a big deal by any means. But it's sad that we are the ones telling our kids what is macho and what is feminine. We are the ones who create the bullies when one boy isn't macho enough or one girl isn't feminine enough. This is how it starts.

But it seems a little hard to change. Yesterday I told my dad that if my little sons (if I have some, ever) want to wear a pink shirt, they can. He just about fell off the couch. "That's just mean," he said. "Do you want your boys to be picked on?"

So how do you change society? Really I'm not sure. I guess it just takes time.

Write My Way to an A (Hopefully)

Man, I just went to the coolest class ever. I haven't been this excited about a class since Women's Studies freshman year. Today reminded me why I like to write, and that it really has a way of exciting me that is all it's own.

Our cool prof, who also teaches at USD, likes to be called Mr. G (which reminded me of the Eddie Murphy movie "G") and professed his love for Star Wars in class. That's bad ass! And get this, he went to Brown University and had his first internship at the Washington Post. What the heck? This guy is teaching at San Diego State? I won't question it...I suppose we get some really unexpected teachers here because San Diego is such a great city and everyone wants to live here. Yeah, we are a party school. But we work just as hard as we party (hey, Econ kicked my ass, I KNOW it was hard).

As Mr. G was reading the syllabus, I actually got excited over the upcoming assignments. It's been awhile since I felt this way about a class. I mean, I spent 3 hours and 40 minutes in this class and it flew by like it was only a half an hour. Needless to say, I'm excited about such an exciting class.

And Hallelujah! I get to write! It's like telling a singer they get to sing for their assignments. This will be fun.

The World is a Magic 8 Ball

A not-so-exact quote from Kingdom of Heaven, which I saw tonight:

"Where will we end up? (the girl asks, and beautiful Orlando answers) The world will decide. The world always does decide."

That's a good answer to a question I often ask myself. Where will I end up? Will I be rich? Will I be happy? Will I be homeless? Will I make a difference? Will I be selfish? Will I be selfless?

The world will decide, I guess.

Did you know: Barbara Walters is 75. I didn't quite know her age. But she's pretty high on the age scale. Not everyone likes her, I'm sure. Her voice is pretty annoying. But I respect her for what she's done in her life. Think of all the souls she's interviewed. From the good to bad (remember Fidel Castro?), I have to respect her inquisitive nature and contribution to the world of journalism. It's pretty cool, to say the least. Especially because she made it in a time when women were not supposed to be on top or in the spotlight (in a man's job).

I want a life like that. Not famous, but fufilling. I'm guessing that she's fufilled, of course.

And I want love. Maybe love equals a fufilled life. Or so they say.

It's a weird place to be young. To have all the world before you and all the opportunity brushing your finger tips, but all the fears and disasterous thoughts that go along with being in such a position. It's scary. I know I need to take a step foward, but which way do I go? And will it be the right way? This kind of questioning can drive a person mad and be exciting at the same time.

It's almost like going into battle. Am I prepared? Is my shield big enough and are my weapons better than the person battling me?

I guess the answer won't be found until I actually go into battle. What is there to learn hiding behind the brick wall? Eventually that wall will be breached by the enemy, so fighting is in order.

The world will decide. The world always does decide.

Bigger is Better

Well, kind of. I saw Star Wars last night with my buddy Michelle (who proceeded to cry over certain parts she KNEW would happen, haha).

Star Wars, in a few words, was PRETTY FREAKIN' COOL. So, the dialogue wasn't grand and made all these usually wonderful actors sound like novices. But the graphics were amazing and the plot, well you know, the plot was BAD ASS.

Plus, um, Hayden Christensen is freakin' hot! If you're a girl, I don't need to tell you twice! Oh yeah, and if you're a gay guy...I don't need to tell you once! Hehe.

Outside of the movie world (which is a cool world I wish I could somehow get lost in), I start summer school TOMORROW. Craziness. I just ended school last week and now I'm gearing up to go straight back. Insane! I need a private jet or something to beat all the traffic. Or a helicopter. Problem is, we dont' have a airport at my school. Aw shucks. I'll just land on a building or something. Watch out Adams Humanities!

I'm excited for the upcoming fall semester. Maybe cause of my sick ass roomates. Rachel and I are working out color schemes for our apartment. It's so much fun! I miss everyone, but I will see them soon enough. Plus I love hanging out with Jaclyn. And I don't see her enough. I'll have to kidnap her and take her to SDSU with me...hehehe, watch out jackizzle!

Life Gives Me a Headache

Sometimes I forget that my mom is 64. It really does slip my mind at times.

Today, I remembered. I had to take my mom to the emergency room today. Nothing serious was wrong...she just had some sharp pains in her head. Better safe than sorry and all those sayings, you know?

It's just always been engrained and engraved and welded into my mind that my parents will magically be there for ever. Like we somehow like in a Tuck Everlasting world and all we have to do is drink some potion and poof! Hello life forever! That, however, is not the case.

It's something I know, but at the same time something I almost choose to not acknowledge. It's a little too painful to think about. Like, when my parents made a living will and told me that they would prefer to be cremated. I just burst into tears. They probably could have said that they wanted to be buried, or flung off a cliff, and I would have had the same reaction.

It's just, where would I be without my mom? I can't even express that thoughts in words here. It's too complicated to discuss.

Well, I know that someday, somehow I'll have to accept it. But right now I'm gonna rest my head and my thoughts. It's amazing how tiring being in the ER for 4 hours can be.

Unpacking is a Workout

I am so tired. When you move from one world to the next, tiredness tends to bring ya down.

School and home seriously are two different worlds. I like to have some quiet, but I don't like it this quiet. What happened to the study full of my girls? We could just sit there and talk for hours.

Also, it's really hard to go from packing, to moving, to working without any real rest. It's only 9:50 right about now, and I'm dozing off as I type. Can you say ashley is a little old lady? hehe, I'm so tired, I'd probably slur that a little myself.

I miss my roomies (from both semesters) and I have yet to see my friend jackizzle. Us white girls need to get a tan Jack! We shouldn't delay such an important task as darkening our blindingly white legs! We don't want people to think we're un-Californian, now. Soon they'll be calling us rednecks.

Wow. I am going absolutely crazy. It's the lack of sleep. And I'm still deliriously pondering how in the heck I passed econ. The world may never know.

I'm still glad to have a break from the insanity. Becoming sane again is an important task as well (as well as the tanning, that is).

A Little Closure...

Usually, I don't name that many names in my posts. But, here and now it's appropriate.

I will miss Daniel. It's hard to see someone you grow to care about in so much pain. You think you can help, but really they have to help themselves. There is no other way. (And for those of you who may be lost to what the heck I'm talking about, I'll fill you in later).

Talking to him lastnight on the phone was like a formal goodbye. I knew what he was going to say and he knew what I was going to say. It helped resolve this issue for me. It's just such a sad situation for him to be in. I wish I could help.

However, I feel completely empowered. I was like a battery slowly fading out and losing my power; now I've been recharged. How lovely a feeling that is. I'm stronger than I thought. I can handle the cold hard truth better than I thought (and I found that I seek it out).

If nothing else, I learned about myself through this experience. I'm a pretty down-to-earth, honest girl. It's just good to know.

But I did take other things away from this experience. I got some wonderful kisses (heck yeah!). And whether or not he knew it, he really made me smile.

I am SHOCKED

I passed Econ!!!!!!!!! How? I don't really know...I am completely bewildered. What the hell? What the heaven? What the purgatory? There's no one that can actually explain how, where and why I passed this class.

God took pity on me. This is a walk on water moment; something that cannot logically be explained.

Except for the fact that those tests weren't technically true to form. My prof curved those mothers so much--well, yep. That's how I passed then.

This is my last ECON post...EVER! I don't have to take this class ever again! WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!

My End-of-the-Year Thoughts

I am officially done with finals!!!!! My lord, my lord, that means that summer finally begins. Well, kind-of. I start summer school in about a week, haha.

But I am totally excited for my class! I FINALLY get to take Journalism 220. That's my major...whoa! You mean I finally get to take a class that is related to my major?! I'm floored right about now.

Everything is changing right about now. We're gradually all moving out of the Sigma Kappa House. We be droppin' like flies...hehehe. It really is a bit depressing. It's funny how you don't ask for change, it just invites itself. Many times it is a guest that is quite unwelcome, like mean Aunt Mildred or something.

But change is good. And although I'll be away from great people over the summer, it'll make me appreciate them more when I return. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. AND I get to see some super cool friends from highschool that I miss dearly (Jackizzle! Lala! Where have you two been?).

So, I'm left here sitting and waiting for my grade in Econ. You all know I love that class (gag!).

Overall I'm excited about the future. Scared, but excited. What? I'm a junior? And when it comes to love and relationships, I know that I have plenty of time to find the right niche. That's life, eh? It's about skipping along paths that you think lead somewhere, but really have dead ends. Then you pick a new path. Obviously I'm still unsure about this whole "life" thing. But I'm finding out that A LOT of people are in my exact same boat.

Let's take a sailing trip, friends!

I Am Extradordinary

Thanks Rachel, you are right, as always.

I know that I am not unworthy of love. I know that I read too much into things. I know that I've let myself get way too sad this week. Sorry to everyone that I snapped at in my aggression and grumpiness.

It's just hard to find out the truth. It seems easier to try to live in a dreamworld, a Shakespeare world. But, that wouldn't actually be living, now would it? So at least I'm attempting to live, even if it's painful at times.

I just need to remember that:

• I don't need a guy to tell me I'm worthy. I am worthy, and if he doesn't see that, then he's missing out. He COULD have had a great relationship if he only tried.


• I don't need to go into ultra-sadness mode. I remember watching Big Fish, when the main character was going through the dark forest, and almost thought he might die. Then, he realized, that the only way to live was to believe that he could survive. So, he pulled himself out of the darkness and made his way to the light. So it's alright to be sad, but I need not let it overtake my every minute.


• I don't need to worry nearly as much as I do. Logically, it's easy to say this. In the real world, sometimes I can't really help it! But at least I've identified my worrying nature and I can cut back from there.


• I don't need to lose myself in sadness. Have I forgotten that I am such a cool chick, that I have a ton of really cool friends because they love me and I love them back? I need to recover and bring back my Ashley J-ness nature. I like to make people smile about their lives...I haven't been doing that much this week. I need to snap back into shape!

I won't ever forget who I am and that only I have the power to change my mood/life. No one else can have that power over me.

If you can't see how wonderful I am, than you must be so very blind, my friend. Because I am extraordinary...don't let yourself miss out!

And now I'm finally smiling. Thanks rachel, for that slap and talk. You are someone that will be in my life for quite I while, I can feel it.

Eye of the Tiger, BITCHES!

I'm not gonna worry too much...I know I do, but I'm trying to stop myself. Not everyone believes in fate, but I do. I don't believe that God paves the way for you or makes it easier for you, not by any means. But I do believe that he has certain plans for you and makes certain people for you. Through deduction and searching, you eventually live out those plans and find those people. Well, that's my theory, anyway.

So going back to finals week, since I'm in it right now, here's what's happening:

I have taken 2 finals and I have one to go. Which one, you may be itching and scratching to know?

MY ARCH NEMESIS: ECON!!!!!!

But econ is going down to Chinatown. It will die beacuse I will kill it! And then I will stab it repeatedly for good measure.

The stats, you ask? I have a 75% in econ right now, before taking the final (don't ask me how that happened). I am going to beat down this mofo! Then I will NEVER take an econ class, EVER AGAIN! AS LONG AS I LIVE! That alone keeps me on track to beating the shit out of this class. Sorry for the profanity, however, bad language is necessary at times like these.

I will prevail...I will never let a class beat me *cue "Eye of the Tiger"* Beacuse I am the champion! Yay........ok, that's enough. It's just a good feeling to know that I will pass this horrible class. After all the worrying, I will pass. Thank the Lord in heaven!

Alright, you can end the "Eye of the Tiger" anthem now. Rocky would be proud.

A Few Things Gone Unanswered

I'm sitting here, in the still of the morning, pondering these questions. Could you answer them for me please?

Are you so afraid of falling in love that you'd be willing to give me up? I'm not saying that we even will fall in love. I don't pretend to know anything about it. I know that I'm naive and innocent. You don't have to remind me of that. But, I don't think you even comprehend the amount of love I'm able to give to a person. I don't think you understand how passionate I can be about the things that I love. If you gave it a chance, then maybe you could begin to understand. If you gave it a chance, then maybe you would realize the power it takes to part the Red Sea, or survive the flood.

But right now, you won't even let me build you an ark. You won't even let me try to mend the wounds. I see a broken person before me. Who is a little hollow and full at the same time. You're hollow to wonderful emotions because you've filled yourself up with the bad ones. You've let it eat at your heart, and your heart has fallen to pieces.

Would I be stupid in saying that I'd like to pick up those bloody, torn, raveged pieces and glue them back together? What if I could be the one that's able to do that?

Until you let me, you'll never know.

I'm willing to take this chance in getting hurt. I'm willing to cry if it comes to that. If I can make you smile one more time, then it will all be worth it.

What? Why? How?

I found out today that my sister is jealous of me. How weird is that? It's weird because growing up, I was jealous of her. She's outgoing, outspoken and gorgeous. I was always the shy girl (still cute, but undeniably shy). I've become a little more outgoing now...though I'm still infamous for hiding in corners every once in awhile.

The funniest thing about my sister being jealous of me is that she's older than me. Not just by a little, my friends, but by 2o years. Yeah--she's my half sister. It's crazy to me that she would even be jealous of my world, for we live in different worlds. She has kids and a husband...that is OBVIOUSLY not my world.

I really don't know what to say about this situation. It makes me a little sad because she didn't tell me directly, she told my parents, who proceeded to then tell me. Life is freakin strange at times. It confuses the hell out of me then laughs at me while I try to figure it out. Damn you life! I'm sure God is laughing for he knows what will happen next...I am afraid to know what happens next. But maybe that's what makes life exciting. :)

A Formula for No Stress

I really would like to go back and take my Italian final again...my mind has a greater ability to function right now rather than at 8 in the morning. That's why I took my Italian class at 5 pm...don't they get this?!

Today started off badly, but slowly progressed into a rewarding, fun day. I went to Trujillio's twice today. That's right, that means I went more than once. MMMMmmm...this is truly what you eat in heaven. Except in heaven it's free and there's no waiting in line. And no $5 limit on your credit card. Yeah, that's heaven.

You know what else is in my heaven? A pool. Minus the chlorine and possible pee. Ok, well maybe an ocean would be more my style. Basically I would just want something to swim in. If there is a such thing as past lives, I was of course a fish of some sort. Or something that lives and breathes the water. Words cannot express the way in which water calms me. It literally massages my muscles while unwinding my tightly waded mind. Maybe it has something to do with being in my mother's womb, surrounded by tranquilizing fluid.

I don't know. I just know I love water and I got to swim in it today.

Oh, and I watched episodes of Southpark today. hehehehe...that show cracks me up like no other. Sometimes I truly love being politically incorrect. How deliciously joyful those shows are!

So, you see? Mexican food+swimming+Southpark=one hell of a good day. (and I got to spend it with a good friend, thanks rach) ahhhh....now I am going to go to sleep and maybe dream of gliding through the water (and maybe kissing a certain guy).

Give me some Comfort Food, please!

Sweet Jesus that was a hard test! Now usually, I excell in Italian, but that test just strangled the life out of me...oh well. It didn't help that it was 8:00 in the freakin' morning.

This weekend just keeps swinging back and forth between cool and not-so-cool. It's not fun being on a pendulum-like system. I want consistency dammit!

Yesterday when I was super stressed and about to pull out my hair, Jenna took me to Costco's to relax a bit. How is Costco's relaxing you ask? Free food samples, bitches! Like little scavengers/homeless children we scurried across each aisle, keeping our eyes out for each stand and swooped in for the kill when we found them. I can't complain when I get free food. Then, Jenna bought me a huge-ass piece of Costco pizza. That's a slice of love, my friends. On a side note, I hate when people soak up the pizza grease with their napkins. If you're gonna eat pizza, eat the whole damn thing! Including the fattening grease from the pepperoni. That's the best part, anyway.

Well, hopefully the rest of today turns out better than this morning. Maybe I'll go get a burrito from Trujillio's...mmmmmmm. Comfort food is the answer right about now.

Say a Little Prayer...

Everytime I tell myself I'm too busy to write in this little thing, I always end up writing in it. Do I really have time right now to be dilly-dallying? Nope, not so much. But the way I see it, this blog is the eye of the storm; the tranquil place between giant worlds of madness. This is a place to purge my thoughts and feelings. My, how cathartic (thanks Jenna).

It's good that I find solace in writing, especially today. It's not necessarily a bad day, just a bit depressing when looking at the list I have to accomplish:

• First, go to work
• Sign up for Summer School (for a class that only has 15 spots!)
• Rush over to SDSU and say goodbye to my friend/roomate Stefie. She's leaving early and I will miss her (no tears)
• Take a Communications Final (Yipee)
• Study for an Italian Final on Saturday

My, what a wonderful to-do list that is. Not my best day...but we'll see. Things always have a way of turning out differently than you think. I just wish i had room on my list for "relaxing" or "eating." I guess those things have to take a back burner today. Oh well, I'll probably just eat in my car as I'm scrambling around.

Where's a Rosary when I need it?

Freakin' School!

I cannot focus! What to do, what to do? This is not a good day to be not-focusing. What with FINALS coming up tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And what freakin final to I have tomorrow? FREAKin' comm 200...those tests are so FREAKin' specific it makes me want to rip up the test when I'm taking it and scream , "What? Do you think I am a computer? You think I can handle this much information?!"

If I am a computer, then my circuits are short-circuiting right about now. Yep Yep.

I WILL pass econ, that is my main concern. And someone PLEASE tell me why I have an Italian Final on Saturday at 8 in the FREAKin MORNING! That is just evil. That is just plain mean!

The Natural Tendencies in Me

It is soooooooo beautiful out today. The breeze is just the right amount, the sun is giving off the perfect amount of heat and the world is giving me a hug today.

Wasn't that a put-your-finger-down-your-throat-and-throw-up kind of sentence? Yeah, sorry for the sheer gushiness of it. I'm simply having an excellent day.

On another subject, isn't it funny how little we actually use cold hard cash anymore? I went shopping today and whipped out my debit card like it was change in my pocket. But for one of the transactions, I actaully bothered to open my wallet up (like it's hard) and notice the pretty little 10 sittting in there. Ex-Prez Hamilton was staring up at me and saying (through his paper mouth) "why the hell aren't you using me dammit?" So I abided by the ex-president and spent my paper/linen money. Wow, it's been awhile since I've spent some good ol' commodity money. What? Money backed by actual reserves? What a concept!

This is why credit cards are dangerous. Witnessing myself giving the cashier a 10 sent a signal to my brain...in turn I realized that I was spending 10 dinero. When I give out my credit card I usually don't pay attention to how much I'm spending until I check my receipt.

This also means that I have nonchallantly signed the reciept given back to the store. For all I know, the reciept could say something to the effect of "Aeropostale is in partnership with the devil and we now own your soul." I wouldn't even know! That's so sad.

Maybe I should kick my lazy ass into shape and make a trip to the ATM machine more often...God forbid I have to walk anywhere! Veronica (a member of the sorority, who is wonderful) said that we should make moving sidewalks, so we don't have to walk anywhere. Hmmm...yes Veronica, let's make America even lazier than we already are!

Walking and paying with actual cash are concepts that are a little hard for us Americans. It's funny how the world changes subtlely and slowly, but in big ways.

Oh well, as long as the sun is shining and the trees are rustling in the breeze I will be happy. As long as we continue to preserve nature, life will go on.

thanks rachel

rachel just made me feel 100 times better about the situation. Thank God in heaven for rachel...I feel calmer now.



Don't mind me and my absurd mood swings.

lost in the mix

I don't want to like someone this much when there's a good chance that they can hurt me.







I suppose I'll just wait the situation out. It just sucks though. Why can't things just fit together as easily as puzzle pieces? Maybe the edges need some more rouding out before I can see the picture being put together.

Brains are useless!

Please...someone take away my over-analytical brain. I don't need it, it's quite a burden! I'll sell it for $99.99. You can have this sweet deal!

I worry too much. I think too much. It's just too much. I exasperate myself over situations that shouldn't be exasperating.

I should learn how to listen to my heart, that's where real knowledge is found.

Growing Confusion

Wow, a lot of things in life are quite confusing. Trying to understand love and all its reprecussions can be included in that statement.

I feel as though I am in a maze right now. My shallow breathing is my only guide as I make my way through the prickly, dark green walls. The hedges are so high at this point that I'm left unsure and a little doubtful. How does one get out of this place?

I know how this little maze was built. In my mind of course; furnished by fear. I can't help but be a little fearful of the future. I'm envious of those that can just "roll with the punches" in life. I've always been the one to avoid the punches and avoid pain. Here, I feel as though I am placing myself right in the center of the flame. I am completely vulnerable to getting burned.

I'm giving myself a bit of a headache. It's like I'm happy about the situation and worried at the same time. I want to go back to 2nd grade! My only concerns then were when recess would come and if I'd get that extra piece of chocolate from my mom.

Why must every upside have a downfall? I need to stop asking stupid questions.

Being excited and hesitant all at once is a weird state to be in. Where is the end of the maze? A straight line would be oh-so-easier right about now.

Precautions

Last night was fun. I can definitely say that. I may have "possibly" gotten a few more kisses. Yeah, or maybe I'm lying.

But I'm scared. I am very scared that I will end up getting hurt here. And it's not like I've even experienced hurt like that before. I've just been told of the kind of pain one experiences from break-ups and heart-breaks. WOW, life is easier sometimes alone...but lonier.

Ahhh...I'm repeating myself here and acting like a crazy. There's just part of me that wants to hold back and part of me that simutaneously wants to move foward. This just doesn't work well with physics.

This must be what it means to trust--to open yourself up to someone even though you may get hurt, even though there is a chance of both of you falling apart. I know what I have to do...I just need to take in a deep breath, go with the grain and stop worrying (um, easier said than done).

Shake my Booty!

Tonight is my formal and I get to dance the night away. Really now, I love to dance! Luckily I have a date that actaully twirls you when dancing (because, listen guys, girls HATE when you just stand there like a dumbass! Don't just act like a pole, move a little dammit!).

So I've got my dress (from highschool prom, yeah!)
I've got my smile (can you guess who my date is? I'll give you a dollar)
And I've got my dancing shoes (metaphorically, of course. I'm not dancing in heels, heck no!)

On a different note, I've realized that it really is the simple things in life that really make living worth while. It's funny how much of a high kissing someone (that you have feelings for) gives you. And to think, if I had been too afraid to do it, then I would have been missing out on this great fun.

Note to self: Never let fear sidetrack your wants, dreams and wishes

um, yeah...let me clear my throat

yeah...let me let you all in on a little secret.


We kissed.


Oh it was everything I wanted and more. I've been stressed lately, but this has been a great end to the week. Wow, may is a great month right now. :)

To Jackizzle my little blonde friend--

I just wanna take this time to say:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACLYN!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND NOW YOU ARE OLD LIKE ME...woohoo! 20 years old!

We should celebrate at Rubio's! I'll give you a call today (of course).

The Campus is Getting Silent

Yes finals are definitely coming. You can tell when those bastards are coming--due to several signs.

The library becomes full, the campus isn't as active, students begin to look like zombies...wow, it's almost like someone unleashed a serial killer here.

And now there is this Berlin Wall of stress stationed right smack on SDSU. Let's knock it down, shall we?

Anyway, I'm not really thinking of finals, but rather the other f word, my "formal." Yay, dancing is a stress relief and THANK the God in Heaven I get to go to it. Having a release makes me a happy camper. This dance will vicariously be a stress ball for me to squeeze the shit out of. Yeah, I'll look at it like that.

I'm tired; I think you all can relate with that.

My Future as Told Through Bubblegum

God Almighty! I just got a fortune from Bazooka Bubble Gum, it said: "You have the ability to become outstanding in literature."

Literature=journalism, right? Bazooka Joe, you are my hero.

It's a sign, guys. It's a sign.

All I can hold is my hope

I'm listening to Fur Elise right now and it's really calming me. Beethoven is my hero.

Man, the past two days have been a bit stressful. Econ is single-handedly stressing me out. I feel like a towel that has been wrung out numerous times and is dry, yet I am still being continually wrung out. I can't take the pressure any longer. My other classes are fine.

I think I'm stressed out from dissapointment in myself. Does that make sense? I know that I could do better, yet I have chosen not to. Ouch! I'm giving myslef a lecture and it's an annoying one. I just want to know that I can overcome this class...I've never done this badly in a subject and it makes me sad. I'm a smart girl who has knowingly let myself become stupid in this area.

Ok, I need to stop the negative. I still have the final to take. There's a small glimmer of hope. I can barely make it out through all of the doubtful haze, but it's still there.

Hope for tomorrow and hope for school to end and my sanity to return.

The last post about econ, I hope

This war with me and Econ is never-ending, I SWEAR! Econ sucks a big one. It is the most horrible subject/topic of conversation/thing EVER created. Or close to the worst thing ever created, at least.

This WAR is not over. I am going to call this war Desert Storm. I am the Americans and Econ is the Iraqis (back in the early 90's). The Iraqis have really made the Americans mad, but haven't they learned from Japan? You don't fucking wake the sleeping giant. And now I am going to have to drop a freaking bomb on Econ's ass and blow it to smithereens. Don't fuck with the Americans, fool.

So, that was a bit dramatic and I don't endorse war (I'm a liberal, did ya know?). But Econ and I cannot co-exist in this world. Therefore it must die and I will kill it. End of story.

COMO ESTAN, ECON? YOU WILL DIE!

Burrtios are WEAPONS, fools!

Ok, the burrito/school fiasco makes me laugh. I know Mt. Carmel would have pulled one of these...you know it too (all you Mt. Carmel Alumni). People are much too paranoid, but at least they fueled my morning entertainment. And it happened in Texas, that doesn't surprise me. Afterall, Bush comes from Texas. Can't we just sell them to mexico? Don't get me worng, I have a few friends in the Lonestar state, and I have NO IDEA why they stay there.

On a more local note, this week scares me (the way Texas scares me). I have a TON of work to do...oh madness! Swiftly the days go by and closer finals do cometh. I know everyone is feeling this pain right now.

Summer looks so good from this standpoint. It's just across the bridge now, a hop skip and a jump away.

Day of Rest (Hell Yeah!)

I am definitely calling in sick today. I threw up twice last night, and although I feel better today, I think it was my body's way of saying "Slow down Ashley and fuckin' rest!" So I am going to listen.

The only thing is, I don't know what to do with myself today. What does one do with all this free time? It's amazing to me. This is why I think I could never be just a housewife. Yeah, I would want to take care of my kids personally, I suppose, but I would need something else on the side. (But this is me also naively assuming that I would have a lot of free time as a house mom, kids are murder).

Anyway, I'm extremely happy that I get a day of rest, seeing as yesterday I had a headache so bad I would have knocked Canada further North from my head being so big.

Thank the Lord I don't have to deal with evil customers who feel it neccesary to fight with me over 30 cents on sale days. I would have thrown up on them today. That may have been sort of fun.

I'm going to take a random drive to the beach today--either La Jolla Shores or Torrey Pines or Del Mar. Yeah, that sounds like the best day ever.