Why can't guys talk like this anymore?

This is an excerpt from Pride and Prejudice:

"In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

That line is from Mr. Darcy to Elizabeth. So cute! Hearing that makes me want to just melt right into the ground. I'd be a happy puddle. Now, if I could only get a guy to say that to me.

I don't quite think that will happen anytime soon. Unwantingly (is that a word?) I have become a little untrusting. Opening yourself up to someone then being turned down can really do that to you. Emotions are a tricky business.

God, wouldn't it be easier to have a storybook character to be my lover? Yes! Can't I just pull Mr. Darcy from out of the pages and into my life? Michelle would agree, haha.

Maybe I will just stay away from guys in general this upcoming semester, except for friendship purposes, of course.

I think that I will stop thinking about it and let things happen and fall into place the way they're supposed to. My God---thinking too much is my best quality and worst quality all rolled into one.

I gotta stop that... maybe I should just take up a heroine addiction and live under a freeway pass. That might just be easier. But that won't do, I'm not a fan of needles.

Bitter Sweet, Indeed

Alright, I have a few things to say:

first, I have not finished my profile yet. I need to stop procrastinating. It is my WORST habit ever. So GEEZ, I need to really get the ball rolling here.

second, a funny thing (well, to me)--if you read this post, then you know the story behind this. Today, we tried area code 209--which is New York--after some advice from a customer. WE GOT THROUGH and the girl's name is JENNY. We wanted to leave a message but we were laughing too hard. That truly made my day. And duh, Of COURSE we will call back and say something to the effect of "Hey Jenny, we got your number!"

lastly, another thing that's making me really happy right now--I'm eating my most favorite most scrumptious most delicious food in the whole entire world. Spaghetti. I adore spaghetti. Just wanna let you know that it makes me extremely happy. Oh! Like good chocolate. This is damn good spaghetti.

So, that's why my post is bittersweet--a couple good things, and one bad thing...though why am I complaining? At least it's not math homework. Then I would die. At least it's writing, which I love.

Damn the Internet!

I am supposed to writing up my profile story right about now. But what am I doing? Writing in my blog. *slaps my own wrist* BAD Ashley! BAD! I need to write in like an hour...what am I doing wasting time here?

The internet, I've decided, is like a black hole--it sucks you in (you suckers, me too) and constantly changes and amazes you, so you stay. As am I right now, when I am SUPPOSED to be doing work.

OK OK OK OK...I'll stop writing here. I NEED to stop. Seriously, I'm reaching for that button that says "Publish Post." I tell no lies. Seriously now, this is the end.

By the way, have you guys ever heard of the Free Hawaii movement? This is the first time I've ever heard of it. Maybe I'll post on that later.

Ok, that was seriously the last thing. Can't you tell when I'm being serious? i'm prying my fingers off the keyboard as we speak.

A few things:

uno--YAY...I am excited to see one of my best friends Rachel! She will be coming into town soon, it makes me smile. You know how it is when you move away from someone you care about and spend a lot of time with? Rachel is like that...and she's coming to visit. Woohoo!

dos--I NEED to think of an idea for a final project in my journalism class!!!!!! DUDE, and it has to be good. And that sucker is do next week. Insanity--that's what this class has been. But I have loved this class! We have had really good guest speakers, and my prof is the nicest guy on the planet. So...if anyone has ideas for a final project...TELL ME! It would be much appreciated. Oh, and for the project, I can do a review, opinion piece or feature. So, especially if you know of any cool movies that have come out that I can review, tell me bout it. Especially movies that are not main stream (and don't involve freakin' Tom Cruise, cause he is really getting on my nerves).

tres--if you ever get a chance and some free time, grab yourself some popcorn and go rent these interesting, cool movies: Shattered Glass and Bus 174. The last one is more of a documentary, but they are uber cool, I swear. They have that ability to just suck you into the movie...like you can't believe this kind of stuff happens in the world.

Alright, that's my spiel for today. I like Tuesdays.

Random thought monday...cause my mind is so scatter-brained today:

What's with all these shark attacks of late? Maybe it's just a thought...but stay out of the water in Florida, people!

I can't believe I actually cleaned my bathroom today, that's an accomplishment.

I also I can't believe that I have 2 out of my 3 projects done (nearly). That's an accomplishment for a die-hard fan of procrastination.

Why is there constant construction on roads around San Diego? All I wanna do is drive faster than 20 in a 40 mph zone, but all the construction is preventing that. Construction bastards!

I am so sleepy today and I don't know why. Oh yeah. It's monday.

I want to go swimming. It's really hot in my house right now.

I had pizza for dinner tonight and I made it...I'm so cool!

Why are all the movies this summer sequels or remakes? Take your pick: Bewitched, Dukes of Hazzard, Star Wars Episode III (not that I am complainign about Hayden), Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (not that I am complaining about Johnny Depp), Batman Begins...I'm sure there are more. What happened to original ideas?

And finally...when did VH1 and MTV stop playing music and start filling their stations with crappy shows about dating and celebrities. Hello! Weren't you two supposed to be music channels? Well, excuse me then, where is the music?

What is this foreign world called EXERCISE?

Oh my goodness! I cannot believe the madness that is about to ensue in 30 minutes.

I am going to exercise. Those who know me best are laughing at this right about now.

Do I ever exercise, you may ask? Um, does walking from class to class count? But, that's an obligation. I don't ever exercise voluntarily.

But today, I'm freakin' voluteering to play tennis. TENNIS! That damn sport kicks my ass. This is the second time, too. I'm on a roll! Heh, well kind of.

So wish me luck, hopefully I don't bruise too easily. Hopefully my lazy body doesn't go into shock when I try to exert any type of effort out of it. That will be funny... at least Jaclyn, my tennis opponent, will think so.

I can't believe I'm gonna go play some fucking tennis. BRING IT ON, suckers!

I find this really amusing:

Jenny (a hilarious girl at my work) and me have come up with a brillant idea.

We have a sort of "soft rock" satellite radio station at work called MUSAC...oh man. You really can boogie down to those songs!

The other day, and I swear every day since, they played that song that goes "Jenny I got your number!....867-5309." It's one of those freakin songs that gets stuck in your head for 25 hours, seriously.

So, of course, Jenny hears this and says, "Yeah, this is my song!"
Me: Why?
Jenny: Cause it says my name.
Me: Oh, I never noticed that before.
Jenny: Yeah, people always think it says "daddy" or something. (laughter) Dumbasses.
Me (with a really cool idea): Let's call it!
Jenny (whipping out her cell phone): Yeah!....oh, it says it can't connect, we need an area code.

Hence forth, everyday Jenny and I work, we try different area codes so we can call that number and get a living human being on the other end...that person's name better damn well be Jenny. It would be dissapointing otherwise.

Oh, and I know what you're thinking. I KNOW that this has probably been tried a thousand times before. Make that a million. But it's much too fun to not try. I'm sure the person with this number is thinking "DAMMIT! That DAMN song! Stop calling here you 80's freaks!"

hahahaha, amusing, indeed.

"If you are going to San Francisco...

make sure to wear some flowers in your hair."

Yeah, yeah...I'll make sure to.

I'm VERY excited. Jaclyn and I have made plans to visit the city that is infamous for hilly streets and gay men (I adore gay men, really now). Yep, we're going to San Fran! I'm excited. And I really wanna go see the Golden Gate Bridge. And ride their cute little red trollies. The trolley in San Diego is not cute.

I just LOVE to travel. I wish I could somehow make a living out of traveling. I love seeing new cultures and picking apart how they work...you know? To see the guts and the inside is where the real fun is. I hate hearing how a place looks and feels by word of mouth. I want to taste, see, hear, feel and touch for myself. I was always that kid in the grocery store parents yell at, "Ashley!!! DON'T TOUCH that stack of cans! PUT BACK the deli meat! STOP TOUCHING everything!!"

Yes....heh heh. That was always great fun.

I think that I've always just loved the experience. So I am super excited to go see that cool looking red bridge. Even if Jack and I have to drop some major g's for gas money. Damn those raised prices! It's worth the money, no doubt.

Too Much to Handle Sometimes

I feel like I'm in regular school right now, and taking more than one class. You know that feeling you have right before finals week? Well, I have that now...like a knot-in-my-stomach kind of feeling.

I have 3 big projects coming up and they have to be done in 2 weeks. That may not sound too bad, but they are all articles, and articles take a lot of time and energy to get rolling.

I have to get quotes (good quotes), interview, travel places and then write them all out, edit, and put in flowery details to seal the deal. Some of that stuff is fun, but it's hard to do 3 articles in 2 weeks.

I know I'm just complaining now, and that I will get these done--I always do. I just wish i could flash foward 2 weeks and be done with this madness.

sooooooooo tired

My mind is so tired right now. I just want to go to sleep. Like an eternal hibernation....that would be nice.

Summerschool is draining me of life a bit...and the fact that I have to go to work. I just want to take a nap!

"And I won't wait to find, if this will last forever..."

John Mayer has great songs, really now.

As it stands, this is my schedule of classes for next fall:

• Journalism 300--Principles of Journalism. Most likely they'll tell me to be neutral when reporting, to be fair, yada, yada, yada. But I'm much too opinionated! Really though, i'll like this class...journalism is fun
• Italian 100B--it'll be my second semester of italian. I'll say "ciao bello!" to all the cute guys in my class. Okay, I won't, most likely...but it would be fun.
• Geology 303--Natural Disasters. Because the song that goes "I feel the earth/move/under my feet..." is all but a little close to home now. Every Californian should read up on earthquakes.
• Communications 300--Conceptualizing Communication. Whatever that means. It's a requirement for me.
• Humanities 403--Baroque and the Enlightenment. History and all that goes with it has always been interesting to me. I shall love it.

Yep! Those are all my classes, hopefully I can get them all. San Diego State is bloated, to put it nicely, with its 35,000 students. But at least I'm not a sophomore anymore, since 2nd years have last priority in registration. Yeah, that sucked the big one.

I'm excited for fall semester. New apartment, new life, new experience.

My random thoughts for the moments:

I took a journalism midterm today...summerschool moves at the speed of light I swear!

I've been ultra lazy today, and I've justified my laziness with the fact that I took a midterm.

Whatever anyone has to say bout Michael Jackson, "Billie Jean" is a GREAT song. Seriously now. It's such a classic.

I hate people who enter the freeway at 40 mph. Did you NOT NOTICE the many signs that say the speed limit is 65???!!!! And you know the "real" maximum speed limit in Cali is like 95 (I like 80, myself). Some lady today entered the freeway at that speed, and I was behind her. Dude lady, I don't want to die...so speed up!

You can tell Californians are lazy since we always shorten our state's name. Exhibit A above. We are classic slackers.

The weather was just perfect today...the beach was calling my name, so I had to drive by. It was like "Asssssssshhhhhhhhhlllleeeeeeeeyyyyy! Long time no see!" And I was like "No, kidding friend! Once summerschool is over, you and I will chill."

No, I am not on drugs right now, I'm just expressing myself (I'm sure a lot of surrealists use this line).

Oh, God. I hope you enjoyed my series of random thoughts. Or maybe you stopped reading at the title. That's all fine with me. Yay for random thought mondays, maybe I'll make this a weekly thing, maybe I won't torture you so.

What I'm getting my dad...

Tomorrow is Father's Day, as most of you know. I'm getting my dad a card, a pat on the back and a "hey, dad, how bout I cook you dinner?"

Yeah, I'd like to get Daddy a present, but I'm lacking a little in the money area. I really wish I could figure out the secret ingredient to producing a money tree. WOW...think of all the wonderful things I could do then: buy a BMW, save Africa, buy lots of furniture from IKEA (cause that store is cool), stock up on chocolate (and feed the world's starving kids with that chocolate, and maybe some veggies too), visit every country possible and buy my dad a golf course for Father's Day.

Having a money tree would be a good deal.

But, alas, I have yet to find that ingredient. So, I remain poor. And Dad remains happy with my 1 dollar card and daddy-I-love-you smile.

Work Drives Me Crazy

Man. Work was a bit of hassle today.

First off, I had to work with two 17-year-old boys who decided it was fun to have sword fights every hour, on the hour. That's the problem with working in a party/costume store. I yelled "Get to work, fools!" countless times. Not that I'm not guilty of slacking off. I let one write a Z on my stomach for kicks (for Zorro), and because it was a bribe to get him to work FINALLY.

Almost all the drawers were off by some out-landish amount. Kids these days, horrible at math (myself included, I HATE math).

But on the flipside, Derek, one of the many kids at work, told me something that made me blush for a minute. He told me that Jon, a guy that used to work here but apparently quit, used to only come in on Mondays to see me, otherwise he would have skipped working those days. Not that I was interested in Jon...but it's always a nice thing to hear that someone has interest in you. It made me feel a little more special for a minute.

So that was the extent of my day. Oh yeah, and earlier Jaclyn and I went scrapbook paper shopping, and estatically planned to have a scarpbooking party together. We will, jack, we will (if you happen to read this).

say cheese!

Yeah, that is a picture of me in the corner. Why I put it up? I'm not sure...so people who don't know me personally can see me? I'm weird, I know. And yes, I'm playing with fire. Only cause it's fun :)

So, on another note, if I want to get an internship with a magazine or newspaper for next summer, I have to apply in the fall. That's insane! But it is incredibly fun toying with the idea of interning in a big city. Any big city: NYC, Washington D.C., Seattle...but NOT L.A. I truly hate L.A., and if you've been there, then you can most likely understand why. If you like it, I believe all that nasty smog has affected your eyesight. Oh....I just want to be a professional bum, I swear. A big city will be nice for that. Lots of shopping carts to sleep in and trash cans to start fires in.

I wonder if I will live in San Diego my whole life or if I will move around everywhere? I'd probably go broke staying in San Diego. Did you know: the average price for a house is $500,000 in San Diego? That is WAY too much. What, do they think we're all relatives of Bill Gates? I wish.

Alright, enough of this random-ass post that has no clear direction. But that is what web logs are for anyway, huh? It's like a release of the mind. No one can really judge me, at least not initially. It's just me and this blank screen, well, now it's full of all my nonsense.

Nonsense, that's one of my favorite words.............OK! Enough. I'm gonna go watch Love Actually or something (and avoid my homework looming over me at all costs).

Oh geez

Jessica Simpson (gag!) has officially re-made "My Boots are Made for Walking." I used to like that song. Well, I still like the old version, but the Jessica Simpson gag-me version is not good AT ALL.

Number one, why does she have to oversing every song? I think she has a nice voice, but she ruins it by trying to impress the audience, or whatever the hell she's trying to do. Of course, she oversang this song, like all the others. I especially hate when she adds those oh-god-I'm-sexy breathy parts between the lyrics. Just use your real voice, then maybe I will respect you!

Number two, stop being a dumbass, Jessica. In an interview she said something to the effect of, "Oh my God. I was at a party and I heard this song for the first time. I had to write down the lyrics on a notepad. I was like, I have to remake this." First of all, how did you not hear this song before!!! Maybe I just grew up in an Elvis-loving household, but I probably first heard this song in second grade! Second of all, you fool, you didn't have to write down the lyrics on a piece of paper...there are plenty of electronic databases where it could have been found. Guess that flew right over her head.

I don't think Jessica Simpson is stupid. I think she just acts stupid, and it's really annoying. She insists on wearing less and less clothing, but still retains that she never wants to act like Britney Spears, cause that's not who she is. Well, that's who you're turning into, my dear. Yeah, you have the right to wear booby tassles, if you so feel like it, but stop the "oh I am so innocent, I'm a church girl" routine. Stop being a hypocrite. Then maybe I'll just make fun of you for doing a bad re-make.

Allright, I got that out of my system.

Oh Tennis, Oh Life

Jaclyn and I are going to "attempt" to play tennis today. That should be a comedy show. Watch me get beat up by a little tennis ball, I'm sure it will happen.

arrrrrrrrrgh....that's all I can say to the idea of picking a career. I like journalism, but not newspaper journalism. So that leaves magazines, right? Picking something that seems so definite is a pain in the ass, like a tennis ball in the ass, if you will. I know what I pick as my major is not set in stone, but we can say it's sort of etched in marble. Marble is soft, and can be erased...I don't know what I'm saying. My mind is so jumbled and insane right now I'm probably confusing you.

I still love writing. But shall I make it my career? I don't know. With my major I can go into all bunch of different fields: PR, communications, adverstising and all that jazz.

Oh well, at least I get to play tennis today and clear my mind. I'm much too undecisive. Hopefully I don't get a tennis ball in the face (Jackizzle probably serves hard, that little blonde fool).

The Sky Ain't Fallin', Honey, But the Ground is Shakin'!

Earthquakes have always been really super interesting to me. Probably because they have the ability and power to take thousands of lives at one snap. Because there was ANOTHER earthquake that happened today in Northern California, I don't think I'll sleep until I talk about this.

This has been the 4th earthquake in the last 72 hours to hit countries bordering the Pacific Plate. That plate is a movin', suga, and it ain't pretty. The earthquake that hit Nor Cal today? A magnitude 7...that's not small, my friends.

What a lot of my friends have probably heard me talk about before is the Rose Canyon Fault, right here in San Diego. I think a lot of people write it off as nothing, but this fault shouldn't be ignored. The magnitude of it could literally be earth-shattering. Here is an excerpt from a report that explains this phenomenon futher:

Historic documents record that a very strong earthquake struck San Diego on 27 May 1862, damaging buildings in Old Town and opening up cracks in the earth near the San Diego River mouth. This destructive temblor was centered on either the Rose Canyon or Coronado Bank faults and descriptions of damage suggest that it had a magnitude of about 6.0.

Ongoing field and laboratory studies suggest the following maximum likely magnitudes for local faults: San Jacinto (M6.4 to 7.3), Elsinore (M6.5 to 7.3), Rose Canyon (M6.2 to 7.0), La Nacion (M6.2 to 6.6), Coronado Bank (M6.0 to 7.7), San Diego Trough (M6.1 to 7.7), San Clemente (M6.6 to 7.7).

That mother is gonna shake San Diego senseless. It's supposed to naturally move an inch per year, but hasn't moved in 350 years. So, when it does, it will be a huge quake and will hit our unsuspecting city hard. Here's a map of the fault line, and the precious places it runs through. Say goodbye to those pretty little houses in La Jolla, the Coronado Bridge and Lindbergh Field. The fault runs through all of them.

San Diego better open it's pretty little eyes. For even though the fault has a pretty little name, it's gonna cause a pretty lot of destruction.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

The minutes are ticking away until I have to start an eventful tuesday. Well, only two events--but they take up a lot of time. Summerschool, then work.

But I'm getting lazier with each tick of the clock. By the time tock rolls around, I might just crawl back into my bed.

What would I like to do today? Watch The Notebook, Bridget Jones' Diary, Romeo + Juliet and other assorted love-story movies while sippin' on some hot chocolate stuffed to the rim with marshmallows.

Or, if it ends up being hot today, I'd like to take a ride in my 84 Beamer and cruise down the 56 to Del Mar so I could get a glimpse of the devastatingly beautiful ocean. I love driving with the windows rolled down, as to achieve the messiest hairdo possible.

However, I cannot do either of those things today. I've got to go to work for the man, dammit!
Ok, so my manager is a woman, but that's besides the point. I'm speaking metaphorically here.

Humans are not meant to work themselves to a pulp. So why is my day consumed with work, papers and more work?

Yeah, I have to talk about Jacko...

Of course I have to post about Michael Jackson. Have I even payed attention to the case this whole time? Nah, of course not. But when we were sitting in class (with computers) and some kid announced in the middle of a lecture that the jury reached a verdict, we had to turn on the T.V. to hear it go down. And it went down.

But first we had to wait for like 30 minutes while Jacko drove to the courthouse. The guy on the T.V. said, "it's a long way from Neverland to the courthouse." What a great quote, on so many levels.

When they read the Not Guilty verdict, I wasn't surprised. And for those that disagreed with that verdict, you can't say anything unless you're on the jury!!!! Since I've had the experience of being on a jury, I've gotten to see how flippin' precise the whole process is. You see every detail. In many ways, lawyers are like journalists--they get all the angles of the story and must make the best argument possible. So, my point is, that jury knows more about the case than we could ever fathom. They know every nook and crevice you could dig into.

Yeah, Michael Jackson is really weird. And I wish he could just be that cute little kid in the Jackson 5 again. And all the Jacksons have the same nose job (maybe they got a discount family deal?). Yeah, they're all weirder than weird. But that's not evidence enough to convict someone. You have to hear all the evidence and be on that jury, then you can decide.

Oh, and dude, check out this site. Apparently Jacko had it created so people could follow the case. It's a "bit" over-dramatized in the beginning, but what can ya do? It's Michael Jackson for pete's sake. The cool part of the website is the button that lets you play old Michael songs...of course I was rockin' to Billie Jean! Heck Yeah!

Infactuated with the Idea of Love

So I have this dvd buying addiction, I think. I've bought 3 in the last 2 weeks, I think. But they are all movies that I adore.

The one I bought today and watched repeatedly the whole day (while avoiding my report for summerschool)? The Notebook, fo shizzle.

I looooooovvve The Notebook. But it also makes me bitter. It makes me want a love like that, but I have no where to go and no one to find it with. It's movie-love, or ideal love. Doesn't really seem real, but I want it to be real. I want to find that love.

This must sound funny coming from a 20-year-old. But I'd rather just skip the equation and head right over to the solution. God, could you just send me the guy I'm gonna marry right now? I'm sure God is snickering at that question. If only life were so easy.

And not everyone marries, I know. My aunt isn't married. But is she happy? I'm not sure that I know. It's not even about getting married, it's more about getting love.

I'm making a circular argument here, aren't I? It just doesn't make sense. But nothing rarely does until it's experienced, I suppose. This isn't about wanting what I can't have, but more about wanting what seems natural to humans--the ability to love and have love. To me, that seems to be the greatest thing a human can do.

A Wonderful Wake-Up Call

My alarm clock this morning? A freakin' earthquake! Yeah, that's right. A magnitude 5.6 that had an epicenter in the desert near Palm Springs (in Anza Borrego). It could be felt from Ensanada (Mexico, for those of you that don't know) to L.A.! Well, yep, we felt in in San Diego, most def.

Did it have to be 8:40 in the morning, though? Mother Nature is an earlybird, I'll tell ya that.

What a lot of people here don't know is that San Diego is in for a big one. It's called the Rose Canyon Fault, and it'll take a big toll when it decides to move.

Who ever said geology wasn't interesting?

A True Love Lasts a Lifetime

I've always loved the Foo Fighters. Simply, they kick ass. They have a kind of classic rock feel that is satisfying down to the bone. There's something about primal drum beats and great guitar riffs that brings out the animal in me and makes me truly smile. It makes me want to tear something apart.

And whaddaya know? They're coming out with another great album. "Best of You" is a great single.

The thing I like the most about the Foo Fighters is the lyrics to their songs: they are tough, touching, tear-at-your-heart lyrics. Really these boys (or dave grohl) have mastered the art of singing about sappy subjects (such as undying love--everlong!!) and making it sound super cool so girls and guys alike can sing along. That truly is kick ass. Eh, and I don't have to say it--I'm sure the boys and their fans know it already.

I will make sure to go buy their album on June 14th.

Procrastinating before being shipped off to work...

Why do people feel the need to act so stupid on T.V.? We need to ban all reality shows, I swear. Or maybe, heh, I should stop watching them.

Yeah, maybe that's the better plan.

I'll be glad when regular school starts back up and I'll be much too busy to watch T.V. (even though, ahem, I'll have time for the internet).

And now I have to go to hell, I mean, work. I'd rather watch people deal with snooty, I'm-better-than-thou customers than experience it first hand today. But that's life, eh?

My Childish Ways

Deviating from all my nonsense talk about the future, let me talk about the present (what an idea!).

I'm told often by people of all ages that I'm mature for my age (whatever that entails). I do have an immature side, however. I have a problem when it comes to emotions, basically when I get mad.

I don't throw tantrums, I don't spit at anyone (although that would be amusing), I don't kick or scream. I just become silent. I think I do this because it really tends to get to people. Especially because I'm usually so cheerful. Keeping a stoic face tends to get on people's nerves. After 10-15 minutes of people asking me questions when I'm pissed off, and me answering with one word, un-ashley-like answers, people get this exasperated look on their faces and say, "Ashley, what is wrong with you?!"

That's when I proceed to piss them off more and answer, "Nothing," with that same stoic face. It's like a stupid game that I play with people.

Isn't that really immature? Yeah, I realize it. But it's how I deal with anger. I guess it's my way of sending major signals that I am not happy.

I bring this up because I was doing it tonight...and I realized my immaturity half way through. I'm not sure how to go about stopping it. I guess realizing it and writing about it is the first step.

The Analytical Ashley (what's new?)

Okay, I've been refelcting on this same topic basically all week, but once I've got something in my mind I can't really stray away from it. Especially because Jackie gave me that personality quiz. Who wouldn't do some major self-reflecting after taking that?

The quiz said that I was ultimately an extrovert/intuitive/a feeler/a perceiver (ENFP).

One thing about the quiz that really got me was this statement: "Because they see endless possibilities, to select one possibility appears to the ENFP to be too narrow a focus. They hate to be boxed into a career for life and therefore hesitate and resist making decisions."

Dude....that is totally right on. I didn't pick my major until the last minute, and now that I have, I'm still questioning it.

Fuck, and here I thought I was just one crazy mofo. Somehow this quiz implies that this undecided nature of mine is normal.

Going back to that quote...of course I don't want to be boxed in and trapped into one career or one lifestyle. I want to live in London. I want to travel to Turkey to see my family every year. I want to own an apartment in New York. I want to see Italy more than once. But, I still love San Diego, and I wouldn't mind staying here as well. To say I'm undecisive would be an understatement.

I feel a little better exploring this topic. This is how I do things--I analyze the crap out of ideas until you can't analyze those suckers anymore...then I find a way to analyze deeper. That is my thought process. It kills me sometimes.

For now, I will remain an undecided girl who wants to live an interesting life. Because, who wants life to pass them by and regret the things they didn't do. Even if I had no money in the end, I want to see everything I can possibly see in my lifetime. I'll spend my last penny trying to do it too.

Taking a Breather

I just watched Bridget Jones' Diary. One of my FAVORITE movies of ALL time! I've seen that movie too damn much, but it's like a medicine--morphine if you will. Plus I just can't get enough of Colin Firth. The age difference really doesn't matter. If Colin asked me to marry him tomorrow, I'm afraid I woudn't even hesitate *sigh*...George Clooney can be added onto that list as well.

Anyway, I know that I worry too much. If you had a look at my last 2 posts today, that's pretty evident. Being 20 is confusing, that's all. I thank my parents for putting up with my behavior at times, really now. And although everything seems so scary right now I can't stand it, I also have to relish in my fear. It makes things exciting. So i'm scared and excited at the same time. Sounds normal, yes? I hope so (wink, wink).

And although you say you're old enough to be my mother, Tanya, in my family you're probably only old enough to be my sister (my sister is 40, maybe you're even younger). I just wanted to bring up that funny side note. However, thankyou very much for your advice.

Under pressure

Sometimes I want to pull out my hair, seriously, just pull it all out. It would be easier to be bald, anyway. Less hair care.

I feel (almost constantly) that there is this ENORMOUS pressure put on us to succeed. And if you fail, they might as well just ship you off to Cuba or something to hang with Fidel. You might as well just be an outcast or something.

There is a great pressure that has been placed on my shoulders--from my parents, from society, from the world--telling me that I better make the right decisions here and now. I'm 20, people! I know I bring up my age a lot. But I find it funny and ironic that many view 20 as an adult age (in terms of consequences), but when it comes sense about life, no one would take a 20-year-old's rantings seriously.

And, I don't really expect people to take me seriously. I'm young and foolish, what can I say? Even my keen logic doesn't save me from experimenting from time to time. I blame it on my age.

What is success, anyway? Wealth, family, love, pride? What I define as success may not be another person's success. The bland definition of success in the dictionary goes as follows: To accomplish something desired or intended. Then, those dictionary bastards had to add this quote in there: “Success is counted sweetest/By those who ne'er succeed” (Emily Dickinson). Yep. I can relate with that freakin' quote. The grass is greener, right?

I just feel the pressure to succeed where my sister has failed (that's a harsh thing to say, I know, but I feel like it's expected from my parents). Kind of like, one kid failed, so if the other does, we're failures as parents. Which is so not the case, but I can't help feeling that way.

That's the real pressure I feel--the pressure to not fail. There hasn't been a moment in my life where I've really messed up. There have been small hiccups here and there, but overall I've been the good kid. Maybe that's why my parents are so hopeful.

Maybe I don't want all the hope placed on my shoulders. Maybe I just want peace of mind. In another way, however, the pressure drives me to keep on going. Maybe the pressure is a blessing in disguise. I imagine I will get gray hair from thinking about it too much.

The Competitive Edge

Today in my journalism class we are going to have a pretend press conference and the students will be the reporters. Gotta Represent!

I like this class and I like this teacher, but I have to ask myself: Will I like this profession? I'm not sure. It seems bloodthirsty, dirty and competitive. At times, those aspects are appealing and intriguing to me. Who doesn't want to get dirty every now and again? Who doesn't enjoy the occasional roll in the mud?

But I won't ever deny my genuine/undecieving nature. For instance, I've never stolen anything. I just can't--it's against my inner moral code. I won't even steal candy, you know? The guilt isn't worth it for me.

Not that you have to be dirty liar to be a journalist. You just gotta know how to play the game. And journalism can be a bad ass profession--when you have the power to reveal the truth and be the watchdog of the government, you're one cool mother! Word.

I know I would love interviews, though. Whenever I meet new people, I ask then a trillion questions, it's like a line of fire. It's in my blood to be an interviewer. It comes in handy when I wanna reveal secrets, haha.

Lastly, Does anyone know what they want to freakin' do at 20? I'm young...I want to relish in my laziness and explore the world before I make up my mind on my profession. It's just that everything is sooooo overpopulated now that you gotta start early. It truly is survival of the fitest. Damn you Darwin! Can't we all just get along? Apparently not.

A New Look

Like the new layout? Thought I would spruce up the place just a bit. I get bored when there's no change. Plus, come on...I LOVE PURPLE!!!!!

Purple is sleek, gorgeous and debonair. It is the rare color the sky turns when the sun splashes into the horizon at the just the right angle. It is the most luscious flower in the middle of the misty jungle. It is the color used to drape the shoulders of royalty and dynasties for centuries. It is as mysterious as the planets, far off in the galaxy. It is the best color EVER, well, my favorite anyway.

If I were to choose a color to paint the portrait of my heart and what it feels, it would be in purple. So, enjoy my purple page. It brings the deepest hue of joy to my cheeks.

A Chinese Proverb:

Dude! I totally just spilled coffee on myself. Ok, that wasn't the proverb, sorry! But I did. That really sucks. If it had been hot coffee from McDonald's, at least I could have sued. But who am I gonna sue now? Oh, yeah, back to the proverb:

If I keep a green bough in my heart, a Singing bird will come

This little ol' proverb here has been hanging (framed) in my room since FOREVER. It has a little picture of the green bough and bird and everything. The bird even has music notes coming out of it's mouth (get it? singing bird?! I crack myself up). It was put up way back in the day (back in 1985, fools) when I first came home from the hospital. I'm sure my parents bought it to fill up space.

The point of this speil is yesterday I FINALLY, for freakin' once in my life, looked at the damn thing and internalized the saying. Took me long enough.

I guess you can interpret the meaning many different ways. My way goes something to the effect of "if you believe you can do it, opportunity will come knockin'." Yeah, I don't know how to make that sound less cheesy. The point is, I can relate with this proverb in my life right about now. I'm approaching a crossroads, and it's the scariest thing I've EVER seen. It's my future up ahead, am I'm still wondering if I'm gonna make it in the "real world," if we wanna call it that. I'm not yet worried about marriage, nope, or families or any of that. The thing that is scaring the HELL out of me is the idea of a career. What the fuck am I going to do? Where am I going to live?

The frightening part is that I've never had things so undecided before me...the path is usually clear. But this one is covered with moss and haze and branches and spiders...any road block you could imagine.

This is where the proverb comes in. It's my job to believe I can get through it. When you believe, the path makes a way for you, or rather, you make a way through it. You don't take no for an answer.

Alright, alright. I'll end this proverb nonsense. But it's funny how something that's been hanging in my room since the day I was born didn't strike me till right about now. Maybe when I need to hear it the most.

Oh, the Joys of Frisbee Golf

Man, I had an amazing day o' fun today. First thing I did? Well, went to church, but after that, you might ask?

PLAYED FRISBEE GOLF!!!!!!! Hells Yeah! It was all Jaclyn's idea! Where does she get this stuff from? Apparently there is a frisbee golf course in Balboa Park. I don't make this shit up...it actually exists.

I really suck at Frisbee Golf. Like, terribly suck. But it was fun, none the less. What was even more fun was watching the freaks around us be really into the game. They needed to ease up a little, come on now, it's just a frisbee! But I guess that's like telling someone at USC or Notre Dame that it's just football. I should probably just keep my mouth shut.

After the oh-so-enticing game of Frisbee Golf, Jack and I played....DUN DUN DUN...Super Mario Brothers!!!!! That was the part of the day that really excited me. I love those damn Nintendo songs...still in my head at this very moment. You just can't beat old Nintendo. I'll trade in your Tomb Raider crap for the Mario Bros. anyday! It just doesn't get better than flying turtles and really cool sewer systems you can travel through.

And yes, Jackie, I will support your mission to make the world better at spelling. Can we pleaaaaaaaase start with the damn politicians? Our president may be too far gone to help, however.

Check this site out:

It must have been 2 months ago in my Communications 200 class when I looked over to my left and saw my friend Jackie L. furiously scribbling away at the paper before her.

"What are you doing?" I asked, obviously not enticed by the lecture.
"Writing down ideas for my site, Flavor of the Week. It's about pop Culture," Jackie replied, with a mischevous grin. She must have about 50 freakin' items on that list.

Well, like I said that was 2 months ago or so. Now I've come to find out that Jackie has indeed been very studious and dedicated and has finally put that site up. It really is cool, and if you still read this Jackie, you should know that I really enjoy it. So, to anyone who stumbles across this page in the vast online universe, take some time and check out Jackie's ode to thing that are, er, not-so-pop-culture.

I wish we had more people in the world like Jackie--unsuperficial, down-to-earth, world-cultured, fun-to-talk-to type of people (I need to lay off the hyphens!). Then maybe we would have a president that AT LEAST uses correct grammar, if nothing else.

Down with Bank of America!

Seriously now, Bank of America sucks. I know many of you know this. What's sad is that it finally just hit me.

So "maybe" I've been using my ATM card a little much (it was pertinent at the time to buy Mona Lisa Smile, maybe I could have done without that expense). And "maybe" I forgot to, ahem, write down all my expenses in my checkbook (as to keep record, which is apparently IMPORTANT). And so "maybe" I made a few mistakes. Yes, I know that I am at fault here.

However, my jaw dropped when I found out that I was 145 FREAKIN dollars in the red! I have never had a negative amount in my account before...having over 100 was like a kick in the stomach. Turns out I didn't write down one check to the tune of $107. Yep, that screwed me up.

Usually, my laziness doesn't do actual harm, it just leads to procrastination. But this time, my laziness came back to bite me in the ass.

So where does Bank of America come in, you may ask? Well that's the freakin' point. Those suckers didn't do a thing. While it was my fault, my account was in the red for 3 days before I noticed it, and would have continued to be in the red for longer if I didn't check. I got no call or letter from my dear bank. Those blood thirsty fools just wanted money!!! And they sure got theirs...they slapped a $64 fee on me for having "insufficient funds."

Well duh! If you would have told me the first day they were insufficient, I would have fixed the problem before you fools added to my debt and took all my money away.

Well one thing is for sure, I learned a few lessons:

• Bank of America sucks balls, to be nice about it. I think now I'm leading toward Washington Mutual, bitches!
• keeping records of finances is damn important. DO NOT let laziness interfere with balancing your checkbook...I'm an idiot sometimes!
• I need to cut back on the spending. Buying a movie is not a neccesity, nor an emergency. Therefore, I cannot treat it as such.
• American money is really ugly as compared to foreign currency (ok this is not a lesson learned, but I had to bring it up anyway).

Can't I just go back to 2nd grade when balancing my checkbook wasn't an issue?

The Boss Lady

So, for those I didn't tell, I got promoted at my job. That's a funny one. It's funny cause really I'm a lazy-ass. I give off the impression of working hard, but it's quite the opposite at times.

It's not like I make that much extra...how much are they really gonna pay you at a place called Party City? I mean, come on. Us "hard-working" employees play around with silly string when no one is looking. Yep, I'm getting some real blisters on my hands from that.

I just find it hilarious that they want me to boss people around when:

1. I hate acting all high and mighty to other people...especially those I was "equal" to before, they can't really take me seriously. I can't take me seriously!
2. Like I mentioned above, I'm a lazy-ass. A class act slacker. When it comes to getting a real job after I graduate, sure, then I'll kick my butt in gear. But a customer service job? I'm not wasting my precious energy there, suckers.

I only said yes to the promotion because, well, do I even have to say it? Money makes the world go round (well, I believe love does too, but yeah, both do).

Anyway, I'm rambling. I just wanted to share the news with others. And I'm not totally insulting myself...I deserve this little raise after 2 almost 3 years there. It' about time. Like I mentioned a million times before, I just find it funny.

My Plans for Tonight

To be all classy about it and such, I must say that my journalism class kicks some major ass. I really really love it. Weirdly enough, I even loved going up to random people and interviewing them yesterday (as was one of our assignments). Maybe I could get a hang of this reporter thing. Well, we'll see.

The only part I don't love is the FUN fact that I have to read 70 pages of the book tonight for tomorrow's class. Whoop-de-do! That's fun times on my list. Now, I know it's summerschool, and Mr. G has to cram a hole bunch of crap into a little amount of time, but come on! I go to San Diego State! Give me a break! (hehehe, that's our excuse for everything. I swear no one will be believe SDSU's classes are hard if we keep saying that. We dig our own grave, that's for sure). But yeah, that is my fun activity planned for tonight.

Instead, I'll probably eat some tacos and watch me some Love Actually. A much more productive plan, don't you think?