the Blogger Nation

I feel a little better today--a little more free spirited. Maybe cause it's Sunday. I really do want school to start, though. I'm excited for my classes for fall and excited to get going in general.

I was watching The View the other day, haha....maybe not many guys watch the show, and to my surprise, they were talking about blogging.

It's funny how mainstream blogging has become all of a sudden. Come to think of it, I didn't even know what a blog was until fall of 2004, or around that time.

The internet is just this huge force...and while it has many good things about it (i.e. me expressing my feelings through this blog) it also has many bad things about it (i.e. I could be playing tennis instead or something active). But I do both, I exercise and I sit around--they balance out in the end.

I wonder how out-of-shape and anti-social the next generation will be. For shy kids, the internet acts as an excuse to remain shy. It's easier to have virtual friends vs. the real thing...but obviously, it's not the same. I hope kids realize that these days.

I sound like an old geezer or something, huh? "I hope those darn kids exercise more, dab nabbit!"

I tend to ramble in the morning....so I'll stop. It's just funny, like I stated before, how much of a presence blogging has become in people's lives now.

Losing My Mind...

I've been aggravated lately.

I think it's because I'm waiting for something to start, but my life is just in limbo right now. I really want school to begin. Although I'm lazy, I like the feeling that somehow I'm working toward something better in life...right now I'm doing nothing, and it's driving me crazy!

School, although hectic and stressful, gives me a feeling of completeness almost.

I'm kinda like my dad, I'm figuring out--he hates having breaks, he wants to work all the time. And while I like little breaks, this huge 3 month break is killing me. I even took summerschool, and it's still killing me.

What the hell am I complaining about? I don't know!

And right now I have to cut this short cause I have to go to work. Man, maybe that's why I'm in a bad mood. Cause I'm doing nothing but working at a job that is super repetitive and mediocre. Oh well...school will start soon and maybe I'll regain my sanity.

The terrorists in my life...

I'm sure you've heard...they caught those suckers that attempted to bomb London the second time. Cheerio!

And speaking of terrorists, let me introduce you to my nephews:

The little blond one's name is Brendan. The one in the back is Everest (who is only 6 and is going to be SUPER tall). To call them little terrorists would be...accurate. These boys LOVE to wrestle, and no doubt, they always view me as the prime target to take down. Plus, the fact that they are both getting stronger, taller and faster...and I? I have no muscle (what-so-ever), am only 5'4'' and was never the fast kid (hey--I was the artsy one. never the athlete).

So, today, after I woke up at 10:45 am (haha, I looooooooove to sleep), my Mom said this to me:

Mom: Ashley, April (my sister) wants to know if you can watch Brendan and Everest for two weeks during your Christmas break while she goes to London.

Me: What? Whooaaaaa...no I can't do that!

Mom: It's only for two weeks...

Me: ARE YOU CRAZY?! That's two weeks!

Now, I love my nephews and my sister, and I may be selfish, but my Christmas break is a time for me to relax. I'm taking 17 units this upcoming semester, and as I told my mom, I'm gonna want to rest!

Sorry, sis, but there is no way I'm forming gray hairs when I'm only 20 years old.

Where are ya? Tomorrow! You're only a day away!

Today started off alright, but slowly turned kind of badly. I guess I have nothing really to complain about. For God's sake, there are soldiers in Iraq dying and here I am complaining about being alive.

But it's been "one of those days."

First thing that went wrong today? My starter decided not to start. Stupid little bastard. It all kinda went downhill from there. My mood never really recovered for the rest of the day.

Michael (someone I adore) noticed I wasn't my usual talkative self with him and asked "Ashley, are you alright?"

No not really. But you know what I always answer? "Yeah, I'm fine." Then I just went silent. That's a bad habit of mine I really gotta stop. Of course he knew I wasn't alright.

oh well...at least I'm home. Dorothy was right. Just click my ruby red shoes thrice (I wish I had ruby red shoes...that might have made my day). Say it with me: "There's no place like home."

At least I look at bad days this way: tomorrow can't be nearly as bad.

Play Ball!

I am going with my dad today to watch the Padres play St. Louis (and hopefully not lose). I am going cause it's a new stadium in San Diego. It's called "Petco Park," which makes me a little sad--must everything be named after company giants now-a-days?

But I am looking foward to going downtown, getting an overpriced hot dog, looking at *some* of the hot baseball players (what? you think I actually am gonna watch baseball? Basketball and soccer are WAY better sports) and of course...spending time with my dad.

I'm not gonna live in San Diego forever (I want to move and see the world!), so it's good I'm spending time with my dad now. Especially with my uncle's disposition of late.

I grew up as a daddy's girl. That just doesn't change.

Home Appliances Excite Me

No, not in that way, sickos. What I mean is, I'm super excited to move into my new apartment soon. YAY. Everytime I buy a bed frame, trash can, lamp, and other assorted, usually mundane items, I get really happy.

I miss my girls...it's been too long (a WHOLE 3 months, haha). But it seems long. I can't wait to decorate our red and white kitchen! I can't wait to put together our beachy bathroom (yay Rachel!).

Geez...I'm such a girl sometimes.

On another note, I really don't like Richard Roeper right now. What a fool. A complete and utter fool. It is people like him that keep this societal image of beauty a permanent fixture for years to come. I want to throw things at his face. (and by the way, I first saw this article at the blog Vicarious Living).

Now, I know that often I give my praises to beautiful men, and there are some men that are truly beautiful, but I would never go as far as Roeper did. I've dated guys of all sizes, thank you very much, because, for me, the most attractive quality in men has always been humor. Yeah, Brad Pitt is a stud (with really cute dimples), but if he didn't know how to crack a proper joke, I'd turn him down in an instant. You think I'm lying.

Roeper, you're not cute, nor was your article funny. You're a good writer, but that's besides the point (haha). Take your head out of your ass and learn to know real beauty.




(on an unrelated side note: I'm still praying for my uncle--every hour, every day).

Everybody's Changing and I Don't Feel the Same

The title is a song by Keane, you may have heard of it before. It sort of goes with my mood--a sort of melancholy presence that's kind of hanging over my body.

My uncle isn't doing well. It's a weird thing to say someone you know is dying. It happens everyday, but it's so strange to hear when it hits close to home. It's so aggravating when you can't do anything about it. Time is slowly slipping away, another grain of sand flies by, and my uncle still does not have a liver.

All I can really think about is my cousin. He's my age (20) and is slowly losing a father. If I didn't have my dad with me, I don't know what I'd do. I mean, part of the reason I strive to succeed is because of my father--the reason I do well in school, all of that. I want to impress my dad. I want to make him proud. It's almost like P.J. (my cousin) won't have that anymore. I don't know, I guess he will, but it won't be in a tangible form. I want to succeed and I want to see my father's smile when I do.

But it's more than success, obviously. It all boils down to love.

This is such a hard matter to talk about verbally. Talking about it too much forces tears, and I can't handle that now.

So, I'm writing it out. These words are my tears splashing on the page.

I never really kept a diary when I was younger. It's different now. It's necessary now.

Could you imagine what it's like knowing that the breath you're taking now could be your last breath? That's a reality for any of us, really. But for my uncle, is a reality he's paying closer attention to.

As I am writing this, scribbling away what my heart is afraid to say out loud, I know that my uncle may not be here tomorrow.

Everybody and Everything is changing. Do we ever feel the same after?

Look Mom, I VOTED!

Today, San Diego has an election for a new mayor. It's kinda a long story having to do with fraud and lies in our city council, then the eventual resigning of our ex-mayor Dick Murphy. What a dick-head. sorry, just had to add that in there.

I'm not as educated about this election as I usually am...and I found out why. It's all about economics and who can take San Diego outta the hole (we're bankrupt). I hate economics! I got a C in economics! This is why I'm a journalism major. So, I wasn't nearly as interested in the platforms this time around. It was like a foreign language to me.

But, anyway, I still voted. Voting is important, kids! And I got a sticker for it. Come, if nothing else, do it for the sticker. It has a itsy bitsy American flag on it and everything...ahhhh, how cute.

Oldies Truly are Goodies

I was at work the other day (yeah, I've been working a lot), and Smokey Robinson came on the radio.

I said, "Oh! I love this song. I love this artist."

A 16-year-old co-worker, Anees, had a look of puzzlement on her face. "Um, who is this?" she asked.

Me: Smokey Robinson, of course.
Anees: Who?
Me: You don't know who Smokey is?
Anees: Well, no.
Me: God child! Do you know any oldies at all?
Anees: Not really.
Me (hoping she answers yes) : Do you know who Marvin Gaye is?
Anees: No.
Me (putting my face in my hands) : You don't know who Marvin Gaye is?!
Anees: I listen to rap and R&B. You know, like Usher.
Me: Usher would not be here if it weren't for Marvin Gaye. R&B wouldn't be here if it weren't for Motown. You gotta know where you came from.
Anees: What's Motown?
Me: Oh my God.

Come on now, I knew who Marvin Gaye was at 16. Don't most kids? Maybe not. Maybe I've just always been a big fan of oldies. Maybe I need to accept that everyone isn't. But how can you not like Simon and Garfunkle? They might be too slow for some people. And how can you not form a smile when listening to Marvin Gaye? If you didn't, you'd have no heart. And you couldn't be my friend.

Today, right now, I'm listening to "Leaving on a Jetplane." The Peter, Paul and Mary version. I love oldies. Truly now. Next, I'll shake it with The Beatles.

Just Squeeze...

This "fruity" link (from hatleyman's website) is the funniest thing I've seen all day.

Well, today I went grocery shopping and helped my dad change the starter in my car, so maybe I didn't really see anything interesting. BUT that's beside the point!

Check it out.

After seeing that, maybe I'll go grab myself a plum and squeeze it, haha.

On a side not: school really needs to start soon cause I'm getting perpetually more lazy by the day. Make that the hour. Give it a few weeks and I'll be hibernating. I would LOVE to sleep for a whole season.

Who I Resemble (I guess)

I was once told (by many) that I looked like Stephanie Tanner (haha, what's her real name?) from Full House. That was back in the day, yo. "How Rude!"

I've also been told (from a girl in my journalism class) that I look like Chloe Sevigny. She said, "Oh my god, the first day you walked in and I was like 'she looks exactly like her!' And I kept looking at your face." Yeah, um, that was a bit freaky. Here's a pic of that actress, you can decide:



So today, Nikki (from my work), told me that I look like Scarlett Johansson. Haha, my sister has said that too. But I don't see the resemblence so much. I don't mind if they think that, she's beautiful (and she's a good actress).

Well personally, I just think I look like...well, me. And my dad, and my aunt. It's just funny to see how other people see me.

Fashionably Clean

My roomate Rachel (well, soon-too-be roomate) said recently that she bought a toilet scrub brush that will match our shower curtain.

Oh man, that cracked me up. I suppose it's important to clean in style (eh, Rachel?).

I love her though (she KNOWS it) and I am soooo excited to move into our uber cool apartments (with miss Stefie as well). It's been good living with the parents over the summer, but after awhile I begin to want my space.

It's not too far away now...23 days (until John Mayer and sugar, haha Rach).

If I were ice cream, I'd be all liquidy right now...

haha, well duh. But that's the only way I can describe this CRAZY heat wave. It's insane, I say! Now I know San Diego isn't as bad as the rest of the country (it's like 95 degrees here), but you have to look at it in proportions, people. It's usually 75 degrees in San Diego (just about), so this is a significant change for us. Translation: San Diegans have been really grouchy this week cause of the heat wave. I think we will all internally combust.

Plus, it just doesn't help that I don't have air conditioning. Now, I normally love my 84 BMW. But this week, it is not my friend. Damn leather interior! You know when your skin just sticks to the seat and you kind of have to pry it out of the car? Yeah, that's my skin this week. Not to mentioned the fact that I get burnt everytime I sit down.

So, of course, I didn't do much driving today. Instead, before going to work, I watched Mona Lisa Smile with my dad. Have you seen it? We definitely had a conversation about women in the 50's and what was expected of them.

I sometimes wonder to myself, why was I born in 1985? Why not 1885? Or 1785? As time goes by and I learn more about the past, I start to realize why. Who would want to deal with all the crap women dealt with in those times? I sure as hell wouldn't want to be considered merely property.

And it was crazy (but I guess normal) for girls in the 50's to go to college and then simply become a housewife. I just couldn't imagine that.

And I still have friends today who say such things as "Well, maybe I just want to marry rich and become a housewife. That would be the life." These are girls in college, dammit!!!

I'm not putting down women who are housewifes. It's noble, my mother was one for the longest time. But why are you in college if you're not gonna put that degree to use at all? What a waste.

To wrap this up, I'm glad I was born after the women's liberation movement. But there's still a HUGE battle women are still packing their guns for--self image and beauty. When we will learn to truly love ourselves? Well, OBVIOUSLY this rise of plastic surgery and edited magazine pictures don't help.

Oh well, one step at a time. Right now I'll just focus on trying to keep cool.

Lazy Thursdays are my favorite ♥

Thursdays I don't have work. Therefore, thursdays I do not have the will to do a single thing. I revel in my laziness, really. I know I'm gonna have bust my ass when fall semester starts, and when I get out of college--so I'm being lazy now. A great theory, no?

Lazy Ashley=Random Ashley, so here are some random points:

I have the Beatles stuck in my head. Well, that's what ya get when you play them all day, huh? Not that I'm complaining. I love their music. I have "day tripper" in my head. "She was a daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay trippa...a one way ticket, yeah." Ha, just thought I'd sing that for you, virtual style, that is.

And i'm eating one of those cup of noodles. I know, it's really bad for me. It has like 50 times the amount of sodium I'm supposed to be having in a day. well, whatever. Live while you can (if I don't kill myself).

I tell my friends I love them. All the time. Do you? Just wondering. People must think I'm a lesbian when I tell that to all my girl friends (haha)...or that every guy friend I say that to is my boyfriend. Oh well. I wouldn't stop it. If you love someone, tell them. Is that so hard? I love doing it anyway. I just love saying to people that I love. Maybe it's a girl thing to do.

Last random point--it's funny that it takes a bomb or some disaster to remind us that people (ALL around the world) are important. Sometimes, we really belittle life, I know I do. Plus Londoners are cool. I swear, we will be the deciders of our destiny. The fate of the earth really does lye in our hands.

Reflections as the Storm Clouds roll in

I was driving around today, doing some errands, and some chick on the radio said there would be hail today in San Diego. I looked around outside, feeling the freaking humid 90+ degree whether, and asked myself "is that woman high? Riiiiiiight, we're gonna have hail. Sure!"

That bitch was right. After a few short hours of watching dodgeball (haha) a huge tropical storm came to pay San Diego a visit. That's crazy!

In all seriousness, though, there's something else I've been meaning to post about for awhile. It doesn't have to do with hot actors, Oompa Loompas or my complaints, but rather, mortality.

I know I complain a lot, especially on here--it probably seems like it. This is a place to scream out what's crawling under my skin, when I usually won't talk about my problems out loud. Yeah, I'm one of those people. I keep my feelings hidden often, until it's something big, and it all comes out. That's why this may be therapeutic in a way for me. I'm finally letting it out somewhere.

Back to mortality...and my uncle.

Uncle Paul is probably my favorite uncle. He's got this spirit about him that's infectious. And he's sooooo funny.

That's why it's sad to know he's dying. That clenches my heart when I say it out loud.

He has Hepatitus C, and he seriously has 10 days (less now) to get a liver, or he's gonna die soon.

I'm not being over dramatic, or anything. This is the solid gold truth. Here and now, as I sit and watch my dodgeball, and try to go on with my everyday activities--putting on stupid makeup, thinking about superficial things, going to work--Uncle Paul is becoming a distant dying light. A light that was once so bright and blinding that you couldn't see anyone else when he was in the room.

It makes me sad, it makes me feel selfish not to think of him every second of the day. But, I know that he wouldn't want me to worry so.

I should stop talking about my Uncle like he's already dead. He wouldn't allow that.

I just wish there was someway I could make this better. For the sake of my dad who will lose a brother. For the sake of my cousin (who is my age) that will lose a father. But it sounds bad to pray for someone else to die (and give their liver) so my uncle can live.

Man...mortality is a hard subject to talk about. But if I talk about it with my dad, he'll cry. So I come here, to pour out my emotions in hopes of feeling semi-better. Hopefully more than before.

You may say I'm a dreamer...

I will really never give into having a mediocre job, as to avoid stupid customers who think they know everything and repetiveness. It is my incentive to reach further.

A couple days ago, I was having a talk with a girl named Nikki at my work. Nikki's cool, I've always liked her spunk and her don't-mess-with-me-attitude. Haha, people assume that she's mean, but she's really just a big softie. Anyway, we were having a convo about future jobs. Went something like this:

me: You know, I wouldn't mind working an 8-hour shift if I loved my job.
Nikki (rolling her eyes at me and giving me a look): Ashley, seriously. Who loves their job?
me: A lot of people. I will.
Nikki (in a highly sarcastic tone): Yeah, OKAY Ashley.

I reiterated this to my dad this morning. Yeah, I've always been a bit of a dreamer. But I don't care. My dreams can become reality through at least trying. My dad was happy to hear it, even if Nikki wasn't.

I know I can be naive. I'm a realist about somethings, sure. But, if we let cynicism and realism take over every dream, we would have nothing unique, now would we? There would be nothing of inventions or singing careers or good ideas in general.

I'd rather be naive and a "dreamer" than never attempt.

Alright, alright, I let out my thoughts for today. Oh yeah, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was good (damn that cute little kid!).

I think too much...

First, I just wanna say, ignore my last post. I sounded blonde for a moment there...Jesus Christ!

Second, I need to stop driving. Cause when I drive, I think about life way too much. I'm sure you do too. Geez, I should really pay attention to the road. And I think about weird and serious things. Weird things such as: why don't we have an extra eye in the back of our heads? Cause that would be super cool. And, what if there really was another dimension...that would be sick!

Yeah, I'm weird.

But, like I said, I also think about serious things. Like today I thought about relationships.

It's funny for me to talk about relationships. All my good friends know, I haven't had many--they really don't last long. Plus, I don't think you could really call them relationships. Let's see...this past year I (kind of) dated Dave. Haha....that lasted maybe a week. So sad.

Then, a few months later, I (kind of) dated Donnie. I lost interest with him quickly, though he was nice and kind and all that jazz--it wasn't enough. I need someone who's gonna argue with me...dammit!

Then came Daniel (dun dun dun). Probably the first guy I've ever wanted to start a relationship with. And what happens when I do? He doesn't want to start a relationship with me. He wasn't "over his ex-girlfriend." Gee, that's nice. Couldn't you have told me that before? Like, before you kissed me and played with my emotions?

I'm an honest girl. I just want someone to tell me the truth. So of course I get liars.

It's funny to look back at who you dated and what went wrong, isn't it? But when you're in that moment, when you're dating that person, you're judgement is clouded.

I'm a smart girl. And a logical girl at that. But I look back at how much effort (A LOT) a gave to dating Daniel, and I wanna slap my wrist. I was Sooooooooooo stupid! I hate that. I hate looking back and seeing just how stupid I was. I shouldn't have tried, he wasn't worth my time. I deserved a hell of a lot better.

I guess you could say it was a "lesson learned." Everything is. But that doesn't take the sting away. Maybe it'll eventually go away. Maybe it bugs me now because it was just a couple short months ago.

Whatever. This is why I always think I'm better off alone. I'm not unhappy alone. So why do I let guys come in my life and mess around with my head?

I just tell myself that a new school year is coming up, I'm happy about that. I'll focus on my studies and my friends. And if someone comes along, then that's fine. I'm not gonna let some lying asshole come into my life again and shift my focus away from what's important. I know I'm being a little harsh, but this is how I feel right now.

My feelings will probably change. It's always good to know that I don't need someone else to make me happy. I'm pretty cool on my own :)

Yay Christian Bale!

Of course, when I go to see movies, I'm gonna come back talking about the hotness of the lead character (haha, I was about to spell lead like "lede," the way my journalism teacher spelled it). And Christian Bale is very cute (but I've been thinking that since he sang "Santa Fe" in the Newsies).

If you can't tell, by the way, I'm doing better, I'm out of my little mood, whatever that was. I'm such a girl...geeeez. But at least I tell people when I'm in a bad mood. Kind of like a warning, like "don't mess with me today or I'll throw something at your head." And people usually know when I'm in one of those moods because it doesn't come often. Maybe I hide my emotions a little too much. Yeah, probably.

At least I know that I'm honest. I can't stand people who lie, CAN'T STAND IT!

Anyway, back to Batman Begins...it was wonderful. Not the typical superhero movie. What separated it from other Batman movies was the great character development. And, I've always liked dark movies...they grab me. Sometimes I like to see the grungy, dirty parts of life. Maybe because I've grown up in suburbia, nothing dirty here.

Anyway, I'm rambling...so I'll end this. But many thanks to Christian Bale for pulling me out of my pissy mood. I WISH he read this. Haha, wow, you know it's been awhile since I've been kissed when I start lusting after all the unreachable actors.

Though, sometimes I'm just happier alone...MY GOD! I'm gonna stop rambling now, this post has no clear direction. Bye now!

If only I could slam a door

I'm in a bad mood. This doesn't come that often for me, but today, yeah...is one of those days. I just don't feel energetic, except to throw things at the wall. I just don't feel like doing anything, except to lay around and sleep. No, it's not that "time of the month." Maybe this is just a girl thing. Do guys have these moods? Maybe it's just an Ashley thing.

I don't even really feel like writing right now. Whatever...

Maybe I'll go see Charlie and Chocolate Factory today, maybe that will cheer me up.

Anything but Ashley

I don't know why I feel like doing this, and you probably will get bored reading it, but I'm gonna list all my nicknames. I figure I can look back at this and say, "Oh, so that's what people called me." Assuming that I still have this blog in 10 years (that would be weird) or that I even care.

So here we go, other ways to say Ashley, according to family and friends:

Ash--the most common nickname for me, cause well, it's really easy to say.

Lee--this comes from my mom. It's the second half of my name, obviously. My mom is lazy, haha.

Smashley--this comes from my sister. I have no fucking idea why she calls me this. She just always has. She says "smash" for short.

A.J.--many people have used this. Jackizzle knows.

Ashtray--yep. So eloquent, don't you think?

Ash Cash--this one is recent. maybe it's alluding to the fact that I'm a pimp (in the female way of course). Ok, so maybe not.

J-Unit--yeah, people actually use this. People who have lived with me and, I guess, think I'm a gangsta. What can I say? Growing up in the suburbs of San Diego was a hard knock life. The way you pronounce this, just so you know, is "JJJJJJJJ-J-Unit!"

Ash-a-lee--I hate this one. It makes me wanna gag. But someone always finds a way of using it.

Ashy--if you know me, please don't EVER use this nickname!

Ashley Jay--I get this one ALL the time. That's what happens when Ashley is the most popular name in 1985.

Well, I think that's it. There's a few with my last name too, but those aren't interesting. My favorites are probably "ash," "smashley," "Ashley jay" and "j-unit."

Nicknames crack me up.

I feel good!!! (cue James Brown in the background)

I got an A in journalism. That mother was a hard earned A, let me tell you. My blood (um, not really), sweat (kind of?), tears (I didn't really cry) and sanity (yep--my sanity is gone) went into this class. To put in a way that's less cliche, I worked really hard in this class. I absolutely deserved my A, and it feels good.

And this is what Mr. G had to say to me (written on my final project):

"Ashley, I am going to miss reading your stories, which is why I hope you'll write for the Daily Aztec (my school's newspaper) and keep coming to me for coaching. You show a masterful ability to employ techniques. Your writing sings. All it needs is a little refinement."

That was really cool. My writing sings? That was really nice of him to say. And, sometimes I doubt my abilities...if I can actually make it in the business, if I'll actually have a good job, you know? So it takes a professional who has been in the business to tell me I did great--cause he knows what it takes. It eases my worries a little, that's all.

I got an A in Journalism! Wooooooohoooooooo! Go Ashley! Go Ashley! *doing a dance right now*

I Left my Heart in SF (I love how cheesy that is)

Oh man. San Francisco was fun. Definitely.

Where do I begin? Obviously there's too much to tell, so pictures will help me say more:


Ah, driving....I definitely got used to a lot of driving. This picture was taken in L.A. (I know, it's not my favorite place, but the sun was setting in a cool way...I had to take a picture!)


Meet my friend. His name is caffiene. He likes to kick you in the ass when you get delirious. And trust me, you tend to get delirious after 7 hours of driving. Who knew the middle of California looked so much like the Midwest? Craziness.


This is inside Alcatraz. I got bad feelings in that place (well duh, it's a freakin prison). But it was cool to see the place where Al Capone and other crazy mother fuckers were locked up. Why are criminals so intriguing? At least to me, they are.


Can you see it? It's the SF Golden Gate bridge. Not as big as I thought...but still cool.


Ahhhhh....I love chocolate. This is my heaven. Jack and I had a wonderful sundae with WONDERFUL hot fudge. I can still taste it if I try real hard.


Dude. We totally rode up this hill and it freaked me out! Look how steep that sucker is! Seriously, San Francisco is not a good place to have your breaks give out in.


Having some fun in Chinatown. That's Jack on the left, Stefie in the middle and me on the right. This is my favorite picture of the trip. Gosh we look cute! (I'm such a dork, I know)


Just driving around San Fran. The look on Jackizzle's face in the background is simply priceless.


The last picture: Me kissing a key chain that says "I left my heart in San Francisco." It's only fitting.


What else can I say about the city?

• it's not as cold as I thought it would be, but it is summer.
• The hills are steeper than I thought.
• No, I did not see tons of gay people, thanks.
• The houses were so beautiful...I could see myself living there (except for the cost and the earthquakes, of course).
• I loved the piers.
• There were SO many European tourists!

I guess that's about it for now...maybe I'll actually tell stories later. Plus, I am REALLY tired. I did get back at 3 this morning. Man! I am definitely going to bed.

Goodnight world. Goodbye San Francisco.

Farewell for now...

Hey everyone...just want to let you know that I'll be gone for 3 days. I'm going to San Francisco, yay!!!!! And I'm leaving at 7 pm...probably getting there by 3 am. Jaclyn and I are a little crazy, we know.

I'm really exited though! Golden Gate here I come!

See (er, I mean talk to) you all in 3 days!

Ashley

Cross My Heart...Stick a Needle in My Eye and all off that nonsense

I vow, today and forever, to NEVER let myself fall into the trap of holding a mediocre job. Why go for something I kinda like when I can go for something I love?

I know, I know...that's such a middle class point of view. Go for your "dream job" and "follow your heart." I have no idea what it's really like to work hard for the money. Although I pay for a lot these days, Dad still helps me out when I need it. In many ways I'm spoiled, and I know it. I don't truly live from paycheck to paycheck...so really I should stop complaining about money.

What I'm getting at here, however, is that I don't wanna ever settle. No matter how scared I am to take a plunge into the deep end...I need to go for the job that will make me grin as wide as the Chesire Cat.

Hand over my heart! Really now...I'll take a blood oath. Or at least I'll sign my name in red html (haha, kind of the same?)

Ashley Johanna

My Legs are Seriously Red

All I can say is stupid white girl. Stupid STUPID white girl. I know that I'm white, and sometimes I really don't think before I act...this is one of those days.

My legs are so sunburnt today, heat is just radiating off of me. I've never seen this color red before burned into my legs. It's pretty bad. I've been branded by the sun, and it fucking hurts!

And dude, all that is replaying in my head is this one guy that told me "You're chance of skin cancer increases 10% everytime you get sunburnt."

Dammit. I'm sure this one has increased my chances by 30% or something. I kind of just wanna take a bath in ice water...sounds horrible, but if you had my legs right now, you'd agree in 0.2 seconds.

Lesson for today: If your white, wear sunscreen. The sun is prejudice and especially does not like white skin...let me tell you! I'm definitely feeling the consequences now.

STUPID white (red) girl!

L.A.: City of Eternal Fakeness

I just wanna make one thing clear, cause I always get questions about L.A. from out-of-staters: I HATE Los Angeles...and most Californians do.

You want me to describe L.A. for you? Think of a place so smoggy you can't see the huge mountain range in the distance (oh yeah, and you can't breathe). Think of a place sooooo fake that you have your choice of getting a boob or nose job for your 18th birthday present (thanks daddy!). Think of a place so dirty if you fell and scraped your knee on the sidewalk you'd be deathly afraid of getting sometype of viral infection. That "magnificent" land is a little city we call Los Angeles.

Really now, if you're thinking of taking a trip to California, skip over Los "make me wanna throw up" Angeles. Rodeo Drive is the worst mix of fake breasts and bad-smelling designer cologne. Santa Monica is an alright beach, and maybe one of the only decent parts of L.A.--but it can NEVER compete with another California Beach. Hollywood and Beverly Hills just makes me wanna gag myself. If that's your thing, sugar, then go for it.

Los Angeles, I wanna stress, is not real California. More than half its population has lived in California for five years or less. They come from Minnesota, Texas, New York, Singapore, Bulgaria and who knows where else! The point is, these people just ain't from California.

The only part of L.A. I've ever actually liked was UCLA and Westwood...only cause I know those people can carry a decent conversation.

My point to all of this is, whenever L.A. does something stupid, which they often do, please don't go blaming all of California. L.A. is by far the suckiest city in Cali...and yes, more so than Barstow or any other tiny town you can think of. L.A. makes me cringe and I wish visitors wouldn't waste their money to go see it, only to be let down.

If you take a trip to California, visit the real parts of the Golden State: Santa Barbara, SAN DIEGO, San Francisco, Sacramento and even Orange County.

Then you'll meet real Californians--ones that that know the meaning of "laid-back" and could really care less how much that Gucci bag is. The best Californians just need the beach and some authentic Mexican food...oh yeah!

Holding back those tears (sniffle, sniffle)

SO....the whole London thing makes me sad. London is a great place with cool accents. The food isn't wonderful (and they say American food is fattening--try clotted cream), but that place is really cool. Plus I want a really hot English boyfriend someday, he could do all the talking (yeah I know, dream on).

Besides all that, I really can't stand to hear about bombs and other forms of unnecessary death. Like yesterday in journalism class we had a guest speaker who was a unilateral AND embedded photo journalist in the war. I commend him...what a crazy, scary place to be. But looking at his pictures (ALL pictures--some of blood and death) made me really feel like a spoiled little brat, over here in America, eating my ice cream, complaining about government. I COULD be overseas dying.

I guess guilt is a part of looking at those photos...and anyway America has to keep some sense of normalcy whilst its kids die in a war. That thought thoroughly depresses me.
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Anyway, today was my last journalism class. We all turned in our final projects and went to Farrell's (it's this kick ass restaurant). I had the MOST fattening stuff ever...it was wonderful! Chilli Cheese dog, onion rings, a side of ranch and for desert--this orgasmic mountain of vanilla ice cream with peanutbutter, bananas and hot fudge. Oh my gosh, I am so full!

As we left the restaurant I told Mr. G that his class was really cool and really challenging (which it was, that mother kicked my ass). And he gave me a hug and told me I did great.

I will really miss that class. I'm happy summer is FINALLY starting for me, but I loved that class. Oh well, life is bitter sweet, no?

Headlines? Me?

Today, just as class was letting out, my journalism teacher, Mr. G, said, "Ash, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Thoughts in my head: Hmmm, this could be good. Maybe he wants to tell me I did good on an article. Uh, wait...this could also be really really bad. Am I in trouble?

Then Mr. G said, "You really have a knack for writing heds and deks (journalism jargon for headlines and those mini-headlines that go under them). I was wondering if you would like me to call my colleague up at the Union Tribune to see if you could shadow him for a day. You know, see the day in the life of a copy editor. You'd be good at that."

Thoughts in my head: WHOA! Are you serious?! This is really cool! WOOHOO!!

I said, "Uh yeah, that would be really nice Mr. G."

I am dumbfounded that he did this...I am dumbfounded that he likes my headlines that much. I don't even try to make good headlines for this blog, so don't go checking, but I definitely am flattered by this.

And ANY connection in the world of journalism is soooooooo wonderful.

Ever have those days when you are just excited? I'm having that day right now. Pure excitement is a wonderful feeling.

What I consider brave...

Now just to warn you, this will be a very random post. My brain does weird things in the morning, especially when under the influence of coffee.

I consider a few things very brave: firefighters, the PO-lice, crazy protesters and all that jazz.

You know what else I consider brave? Posing nude. I guess that's sort of a given though.

I don't know why I randomly started to think of this today, but I did. Think about how brave you have to be strip off all your clothes before a crew of camera men (whether it's a movie, Playboy cover, or...um...a porno) and allow them to gawk at you while you reinact certain positions for the camera. Think about it. Either you're brave or you REALLY need money. But even if you need money, you're still pretty brave.

Think about all the insecurities that must come off with your clothes. You have to look confident for the camera, you gotta sell those pictures, honey!

Look, I don't know why I'm bringing this up...and to my close friends that may attempt to take me to therapy after reading this, NO I am not thinking of posing nude. That is reserved for special people who have a VIP pass (sorority sisters--cause they live with me, haha, and maybe a few others).

I am simply commenting on the brave act of being naked (in the literal and figurative sense) in front of a whole bunch of people. That takes guts. So, to Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra and other assorted porn stars, I must commend you! You're either super courageous or super crazy!

All my affections go to Journalism

I realized today that I am really gonna miss my journalism class. I mean, I complain about assignments and working on articles--but really, it's fun. And so much better than being in a Calc or Chemistry class, God forbid.

And my teacher is super insightful and knowledgable. I mean, the guy worked for the Washington Post and the Union Tribune--that counts for something, no doubt. He is a fantabulous teacher, and I will really miss him.

Just writing this is making me sad. I have TWO more days. That is.... i n s a n e! As I wrap up my final project, and make my way over to pure laziness, otherwise known as summer, I tear up a little knowing how much fun this class was.

I know that I teeter-tot around with the idea of being a journalist. I'm still not super sure...can i ever be sure at this age? However, this class has made me realize that I love to write, that I am worthy of being a journalist and that I just might be someday...we'll see.

Thanks Mr. G for making me feel like I can write to my heart's desire. And thank you for telling me it's worth something (at least worth an A, wink wink--as if he reads this).

I CANNOT believe I will be a Junior in college...CRAZINESS!

What I learned this weekend?

Yep. The fourth of July brings out the best in people. Here's what I learned this weekend:

• While stuck in traffic, waving to people in the cars next to you (and recieving a few dirty looks) is a really great waste of time.
• While at a park, ready to watch fireworks, people around you will not appreciate if you sing assorted American songs in a drunken manner. Singing a patriotic song off key is a lot like burning the flag--still allowed, but not encouraged.
• Do not take Ashley's dad to go see Star Wars movies. Ashley's dad will just continuously make fun of the "Wookies" and other assorted aliens. But, Ashley didn't care...she got to see her lover Hayden Christensen.
• Do NOT drink a 240z bottle of Dr. Pepper before a 30 minute fireworks show...you will have to pee VERY VERY badly...don't forget the fourth of july traffic you will have to wait in.
• DO NOT take your dog to a fireworks show...Now that's just stupid. And cruel.
• Do not eat a corn dog and down a chocolate malt within the same 15 minutes. Your stomach will not be happy and will rebel against you.
• Remember to go "ohhhhhhhhhhhh" and "ahhhhhhhhhhhhh" while at a fireworks show. It's what's expected of you. And come on, everyone does it...
• Getting hit in the head with a football is NOT FUN
• and finally...please leave the National Anthem for the professionals. There are certain high notes God did not want us to reach for when we so OBVIOUSLY cannot.

Yep, there are valuable lessons to be learned here. Oh, and I just wanna say that our Founding Fathers were pretty bad ass. Those 18th century rebels!

Happy Fourth!

Men, Consider Yourselves Lucky!

Thank your lucky testoterone-drenched stars that you don't have to have a period--and deal with tampons, cramps, random mood-swings and craziness due to that time of the month.

That's all I really want to say today.

(I sound angry, huh? haha, I'm not. Actually today is a good sunny day, I'm gonna go see Star Wars again for a dollar, then go to the Del Mar Fair with Jaclyn. I'm just venting my frustration with "womanhood", that's all).

do I like them gay or straight? hmm...

I had a talk with a guy named Julius at my work today (I call him "Orange Julius," hehe) about how many guy friends I have. I have 2 really good ones, basically.

Then I thought some more, and realized that they're both gay (as in homosexual, just to make that clear). Not that I haven't noticed it before, haha, but it hit me that none of my good guy friends are straight. I have some guy aquantinces that are straight...but I don't hang out with them.

That's when I told Julius that I think I'm just more myself around gay guys. Like there's no reason for them to really judge me, or no reason for me to impress them, because there's no way they're ever gonna hit on me. If that makes sense.

Straight guys that I become really good friends with, well...I end up dating.

So I wonder if this is just a problem of mine, or would you even consider it a problem? A person is a person, no matter the sexual orientation. Maybe I like the fact that a lot of gay guys I know don't care about acting a bit more feminine.

What's funny is, Julius is straight, and I'm pretty comfortable around him. He's not like the normal staright guy though.

Here I go stereotyping! I need to stop this post...it's going nowhere. Just thought I'd do some inner reflecting.

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on a different note...I love the weather in san diego tonight. The sky is strikingly clear and I could count all the stars twice over if I wanted--and make little designs with them, or just spell my name in their dust so I can shine brightly next to the moon. That would be fun.

Michelle has my back, yo

YAY. Meeeeshelllllle (it's so fun to say her name like that) gave me a great idea for my final project....seeing as my brain is SO fried you could serve it up between two buns and call it a hamburger (translation: ash cannot think for herself).

Meeeeeshelllllleeee (haha) told me to review the movie Before Sunrise and its sequel Before Sunset. This is a great idea, seeing as I wanted to do a review all along. Plus, I like how it is a package deal--I can compare/contrast and analyze the two movies. This will make for a great article. Also, metaphors with the sun are a piece o' cake. I got this one in the bag. Thanks michellle. Do you want me to sing you a song? Ok...

"Michelle, my bellllllll! ....I love you I love you I love you (for picking an idea for me!)"

Also, Ethan Hawke is pretty hot. Therefore, I approve.

Write in my Heart

Staring at this blank page, and this blinking cursor (that is mocking me, saying "hey you! write faster!"), I realize I really adore to write--it unclogs my minds.

Yep, writing is like Drano for me, to ungunkify all the gunk in my head, accumulated from all the stress and worrying I put on myslef. Serves me right for being over-analytical. Being contemplative is a part of who I am, and I embrace that.

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On a different note, Jaclyn had an MRI on her ankle today, I forgot earlier to ask how that went. I need to do that tomorrow. If her ankle doesn't heal properly, her soccer game may be affected (she's plays soccer at her college). So Jack, "I'll say a little prayer for you..." to bring up that wonderful song. But really, I will.

I still have to think of an idea for my final project...THINK THINK THINK! I just want to rest. Just one more week of school and it's pure summer for me. YAY.

Alright, time for beddy bye. And dreams of Hayden Christensen...he can be my lover any night.

Taking a step onto the soap box...

Sandra Day O'Connor is retiring from the Supreme Court. Although she wasn't the most liberal on everything, she definitely fought for some liberal social causes. Now we're gonna get a huge conservative appointed into her spot, no doubt.

Now, I have many friends who are conservative--I respect their views. One of my best friends is a huge supporter of Bush. I cannot be, however. To look and see how divided this country is and tell me that Bush is a good president is a contradiction. He's a good president to those that agree with his harsh views, but I really wish he could have been voted out of office.

I say this because he likes to ignore half of the country--the half that wants gay marriage to happen. I use this issue alone because it is the main reason I just don't like him. Don't tell me you're not mixing religion with government when you say you want to create an amendment to the freakin constitution that prevents it. Don't even deny it! OF COURSE you're mixing religion with government!

And don't give me that weak weak WEAK argument that it is simply "tradition" for only a man and woman to be married. I HATE that stupid, weak, non-convincing, poorly-made argument. Why do I say this? Because it used to be "tradition" that women couldn't vote. It's used to be "tradition" to allow slavery. It used to be "tradition" to deny interacial marriages. Tradition is often changed because it is built on fallacies and hatred.

And that is why this stupid "tradition" should be changed.

I don't mean to get all worked up over this. I just feel like our country has taken a huge step backwards from where it was before. If we continue down this path, we'll lose what our founders fought so adamently for. Like the Roman Empire, we'll fall...without even expecting it. It's ARROGANT to believe that America will be in power forever, not at the rate we're going.

Hopefully, HOPEFULLY my generation can clean up the mess other presidents have left behind. Hopefully we can get our country back to one that is mended and not so divided. We'll see.

Whew! Take a breath....

Ok, I'll step off my soap box.