8.30.2005

Too Fast, Too Furious (the hurricane, that is)

I've been a little irritated today for some reason. I'm not sure why. Girls do that sometimes.

Classes start tomorrow for me at 9 am sharp. I know that's not an early time for some of you. But for me--well, it's my wake-up time. Haha. Summer is officially over!

******************
On another subject---man, Mississippi and Louisiana, I'll pray for you. I had no idea how bad the damage from Katrina was till I went home today and watched the news (we don't have cable in my apartment). Too many deaths in the south. And I seriously gasped when the reporter told me that 80% of New Orleans is under water. Are you kidding me?

And then comes all the looters. And that makes me mad. The whole thing makes me pretty mad. It's one of those things you can't really do anything about.

I feel lucky to be in Cali right now--that is until we're engulfed by flames again or attacked by moving plates beneath us.

Nothing is ever certain in this world. That's why I laugh at people who plan too much. What are you planning for? The unexpected always happens. Always.

My mastercard commercial:

Buying overpriced books for upcoming fall semester: $200-$500

Succuming to eating a really good bean, cheese and rice burrito from Trujillio's: $3.50

Buying a fan because it's freakishly hot right now: $14

Buying a neccessity--a John Mayer poster: $9

Spending time with my girls in the apartment and dancing to John Mayer songs around the poster like obbsessive girls: PRICELESS!

There's some things money can't buy, but for overpriced books and John Mayer Posters, there's Mastercard.

Oh, and by the way, we went skinny-dipping last night. What?! It may be childish. But what a stress relief. The only problem we had were the unanticipated groups of people having bonfires last night. Eh, they didn't see us. Oh, and don't get any ideas--only girls were allowed. Plus there was red tide (for those of you that don't know, it's when the water glows because animals are being killed in the waves, or something like that). Yeah, that's priceless.

8.29.2005

Am I in Hell?

Oh my Jesus! It is way too hot today in San Diego!!!!!!!


I'm sure some San Diegans will commit suicide if this heat wave thing continues. We don't take well to anything above 75 degrees.

(note: this is in red to represent the level of hotness outside. REALLY hot)

What I Consider the Black Death

It's times like this I'm glad I don't live in the South. Hurricane Katrina is seriously showing no mercy.

You guys say that we have nasty earthquakes. This is true. But I think I'd take an earthquake over a hurricane anyday.

When I was 13, my dad decided to take me on a cross-country road trip. For one part of the trip, we drove from Colorado to Minnesota. Yeah...my dad was crazy, I'm realizing, now that I can drive.

When we reached Minnesota, the sky was turning black and tornado warnings came onto the radio for the town we were in. That was some scary shit, let me tell you. We got the heck out of that town as quickly as possible. Picture this: a thirteen-year-old-crying, a father doing 95 mph on the freeway (that part was cool) and cops (yeah, the Po-lice) whizzing by us (probably doing 100 to 105. All of this happening whilst the sky turned into one gigantic black hole. That was the freakiest part. The sky looked like some version of hell, and I closed my eyes to keep from looking at it.

So you tell me earthquakes are scary? I'm sticking with California, thank you. No tornadoes, and certainly no hurricanes for me.

8.28.2005

The nerd in me just can't wait!

There's a certain fervor in the air around my school tonight. If I could trap all the energy I feel right now I could solve the energy crisis in California.

Freshman have moved into their dorms, the parking lot is getting fuller, book sales are rising, crowds are flocking to Trujillio's (the GREATEST taco shop, yum!)... anticipation is building...yep. School's about to start.

It is official.

And.........I feel slightly stressed and slightly not. I am a mental patient, that's for sure. I've been so busy as of late. Helping my sister (who is having a hard time right now) was pretty exhausting.

So, I am going to bed. I am exhausted. I need to rest up for those classes. Wednesday is the day I've been waiting for. I love the first day of classes. Even when the prof keeps you to read the whole damn syllabus. I even love that.

Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait.

It's good to be back at school. I sound like a big nerd, I'm realizing. That's alright. I am.

8.24.2005

Before taking the next train...

...I just want to say a few words.

I'll be gone for a few days in Santa Barbara helping my sister move.

When I get back, the world will feel like it's rotating just a little bit quicker. All of a sudden, I will be placed in a blur of school, work, buying books, paying tuition and getting started on the semester as a whole.

But I am excited. Here's for an interesting week!

Talk to you cool cats later.

8.23.2005

And so it begins...

You know that transitional period between utter laziness and busy craziness? I'm in that period right now. I've signed up for a lot of stuff recently: 17 units, a higher position in my sorority, my job, taking care of a new apartment, etc. All of a sudden, I feel a bit overwhelmed by it...and none of it has began yet.

I'll feel better once it does, cause then I'll know how to manage all my time. But right now, I'm left in anticipation of what's ahead. School just needs to start so I can feel on track. Right now I feel scattered.

And I'm teetering back and forth on whether I should let someone in (someone who could be a love interest, maybe). Do I even want a boyfriend now? Do I want another responsibility? Love shouldn't feel like a responsibility. I'm jumping too far ahead. And why am I even commenting on love? I know nothing about it! Ahhhh! I sound confused. hahaha, maybe because I am.

WHY do I worry so?

Maybe I should meditate or start yoga classes. Uhhhhhh...no. Maybe not. Maybe I'll just ease my worries with chocolate. Sounds like a good plan.

8.22.2005

horrible...just HORRIBlE!

I was watching South Park on dvd last night. Oh how I love that show! I love it for how politically incorrect it is!

But they had this real life sequence in it that was just wrong--it was a sequence where the creators were cooking bacon, and had this cute little pig (that looked like Babe) in the same room with them. Then they held up a piece of meat to the pig and taunted "Who likes bacon? Who likes bacon?" and proceeded to feed the bacon to the pig.

OH MY GOD! That is sooooooooooo bad. But I love their work, none the less. I just can't believe they did that. But then again, they always find ways to push boundries, don't they?

And I love bacon. Now I don't know if I can look at it the same.

8.21.2005

In Your Eyes...

You know what movie I watched last night? A Walk to Remember. I know, it's a chick flick. And it's one of those I-love-you-so-much-even-when-you're-gonna-die-of-cancer kind of chick flick. And it's not my favorite. But there's this one scene that I absolutely love. It's scene where they're in the play, and Shane West looks at Mandy Moore while she's singing, and at that moment, realizes that he loves her.

It's the way he looks at her that I love--this deep, passionate, oh-my-god-I-just-realized-you-are-beautiful kind of look. THAT IS SO CUTE!

But don't think I really want a boyfriend right now, cause it sounds like that, huh? I like romance, but sometimes I don't like attatchment. Maybe I'm afraid of the responsibilities. See--there's this guy that really likes me. His friends have told me, and...I can just tell. You know when you can just tell? It's the way a person looks at you, the way they pay attention to your every detail.

I just don't know if I'm ready for that. He's super nice, super smart and knows how to crack some good jokes--yet, I don't know if I feel an attraction.

I'm the kinda girl where it take months for me to really like someone and really wanna be with them. I like to feel comfortable--I like falling in love with their personality rather than just jumping into a relationship. It's just the way I work.

And, I kind of wanna see my options. I want to go to class and look at all the cute, smart guys and play around a bit. I'm not really in a place for settling down or being with one guy.

And I do best when the attraction is simply natural. Not forced or planned--like set ups or blind dates. I feel like everyone is rooting for me to be with this guy cause they all like him, cause we're all friends...but that's not good enough. I need more than that.

I think too much. I say that a lot and it's because I do. I NEED TO STOP ANALYZING. I need to stop!

Alright, if you happened to read this whole thing, cool...you read more into my crazy, unsure, mind. Nice to meet you. I'm gonna go now. Jaclyn is packing for school and I'm gonna help her. You gotta be there for the people you love. I know I will.

8.19.2005

Oh Man...

I'm tired. But apartment is booooooooooooty-ful. And I am very pleased with it. I feel as though I've been away from my blog forever, away from writing forever...and that's driving me a little crazy, cause writing does clear my mind.

There's been a few good things that has happened in the last few days and a few bad:
  1. I ran into someone I used to date. That was akward. And I'm not gonna lie, I still have a few feelings for him. Dammit! That was a bad thing.
  2. I ran into a wall with the side of my car. Big scratch marks the size of the Nile River are now on my door. Lovely, huh? My dad will really like that one once he sees it. yeah, bad thing.
  3. Good thing: My neighbors are cool...though one of them keeps hitting on me. How do I know? Well, he keeps calling me beautiful and such...that might be a give-a-way. I won't completely shun a prospect, though. You should always keep an open mind.
  4. Good thing: We had some yummy margaritas the other night and had ourselves a partay!
  5. I love my roomates. I knew this before, and they are good friends of mine. We all clean up after ourselves and we all get along wonderfully. I truly love them.

Ok....so this is a random post. I've hardly had contact with the outside world in the last week, so I'm not up to date on current events...that's too sad. But things are generally going good. And...I'll be back soon with my normal, weird, crazy posts. Talk to everyone later!

8.13.2005

I popped her balloon (heh heh)

Customers really piss me off...but I usually find a way to somehow shut my mouth, smile, and take their senseless crap. I want to keep my job, you know? But today, I had to say something.

We have balloon orders you can make ahead of time at my work. Obviously, mistakes are made, and not all balloon orders are made on time--hey, we're human. Today was one of those instances. Usually, customers are pretty understanding. Not this time.

This little nice asian man comes in the door, hands a worker his pre-order slip and asks "Is my order done?" We realize that, no, it is not done, and get to work blowing it up in 5 minutes without any problem. The balloon order is for 8:30 p.m.

That's when the daughter comes in--pretentious bitch that she is. Of course, she makes a huge ordeal about how the balloons are not done, how she is SO disgusted by this, how she is in a hurry and "You people are wasting my time" and other crap about how she's disatisfied. 'Alright Lady!' I think in my head, as I finish the last balloon.

That's when she asks to speak to the manager. I think to myself "hmm...I thought you were in a hurry," but don't say such realizations out loud. The manager comes and talks to her while she rambles on for another 5 minutes about how she's really mad and disapointed. "This was supposed to be done at 8:30!" She screams. She's shamelessly trying to get a discount, and is milking it for all it's worth.

That's when one one of my co-workers looks at his watch. "Hey--" he says, "It's only 8:24."

Now I have the Golden Ticket. "Stephen (my manager)," I say, interupting the bitch, "It's not even 8:30 yet. It's only 8:24."

The lady gives me the look of death. I stare back. She huffs in the most dramatic of ways, "That doesn't matter! It's supposed to be ready before."

"No it's not," I say," It's supposed to be ready at 8:30."

"You know what! You shouldn't argue with your customers!" She yells, stomping out of the store. She knows she's lost this argument. The Wicked Witch has left the building, we all laugh.

Normally, I keep my mouth shut. And yes, we were at fault. But I hate people like that. You think you can belittle me and treat me like dirt simply cause you're the customer? Too bad lady. I ain't taking your shit! I am a person, after all...somehow people tend to forget that.

Anyways--that's my story for today. Had to get that off my chest. I NEVER treat people like that when I'm the customer, never. And, you know, if she would have asked nicely, I would have given her the discount. That's how it works with me. Treat me nice, and I'll treat you nice. Yell at me, and I'll take you down.

************
Starting tomorrow, I won't be around AS MUCH as usual. I'll be moving and such...and I won't have internet in my apartment (or electricity the first day, for that matter). *Sigh* There's a lot to do! But I'll be posting soon...plus you guys have like a million gazillion other blogs to read anyway. So, see you, er...talk to you all later!

Ashley :)

No real words to say

So, my uncle is in intensive care right now. I know I haven't talked about him here for awhile...I guess I don't know what to say about the situation anymore.

I guess we as humans have to understand that life certainly has a cycle that can't be ignored or postponed. It's becoming clear to me now.

There's only been two other times that I've experienced the pain of death. The first was my Grandma--she had Parkinson's Disease and cancer. The Parkinson's came first, and left her unable to walk and do the things she enjoyed, so she was actually happy to get cancer. She actually smiled when she got the news. After 6 months of Hospice and pain, she was gone. But, there is something comforting in knowing that she had a long, fufilling life. Though it doesn't take away the pain, it's more accepted, it doesn't sting as much.

What really stung was my second experience with death. A childhood friend, Garrett Roads, was killed in a car accident at the age of 17. That one stung hard. It may be the reason I'm so against war, and the idea of sending 18,19 and 20 year olds overseas to die. After seeing the magnitude of hurt Garrett's death caused, I have realized that death isn't something to be taken lightly--especially when read off as a list in a magazine or new program.

So then we come to my uncle. 52 and not old enough yet. He's just not old enough to pass. My dad is on edge. This is his younger brother--someone he has always looked out for and protected. This is killing my dad, for he can't do anything. All he can do is sit back and watch a tragedy unfold.

And all I can do is pray. All I can do is hope for the best. All I can do is think about my cousin, and what he's feeling right now.

I guess there's not much more I can say about death excpet that it just comes--you're never ready for it (although my Grandma was, we weren't) and it never waits for your approval. It just hurts. It's like losing a part of yourself, it's like stabbing a part of your heart.

What can I say? I'm praying for you Uncle Paul.

8.12.2005

Just a Question...

WHY do guys have nipples? Think about it...they don't feed babies, so why? I asked a few people at work and one person answered "Well, maybe males will evolve and eventually feed babies." Er, ok...I don't think that's it. I really do believe God has a sense of humor, and this is an example.

You can tell I'm delirious when I talk of such frivilous subjects. It's just, I have SO MUCH to do in the next 2 days. It's making me crazy. Basically, I'll be moving my LIFE 20 miles south soon. Oh, the madness.

Excitement, Anxiousness, Happiness, Exhaustion and Delirium all mixed into one weekend...what a party! No wonder I'm talking about nipples.

To end this weird post that I should just delete, here's a quote that made me laugh on a rerun of Will & Grace, when friends accused them of secretly wanting to be with one another:

Will: Grace, do you want to sleep with me?
Grace: No...I don't sleep with gay men.
Will: See, that's a problem, cause I do.

I love the writers of that show.

8.11.2005

Hello, my face is up here!

I went out to dinner with the girls tonight...afterward, we decided to go into the jacuzzi (which was good for my sore muscles, since Jaclyn tried to kill me with the ball in our tennis game today).

So, it was just me and the girls, chillin' in the hot water, until this random guy comes along and jumps into the jacuzzi. Now, he was just a random ball of akwardness if I'd ever seen one before. You could tell he was a little uneasy around girls, fidgeting with his hands and all. So I felt sorry for him a little. That is, until, he stared at my chest for a good 5 minutes while talking to me.

Now, don't ask me what he was staring at. I have no cleavage, let me tell you! But he was definitely staring.

Talking to Girls 101: DO NOT stare at a girl's breasts when talking to her. I know this is a no-brainer, but apparently for some guys, it's not. An occasional glance isn't in poor taste...but you are not in a staring contest with my boobs--no they cannot stare back and no nipples cannot be counted as eyes.

I just want to clear that up. Good thing I didn't have a heavy object with me, I might have thrown it at his face. Of course, we left the jacuzzi quickly.

Ahhh...the tribulations of being a girl. Sometimes I wish I were a guy--to frolic about gleefully topless. You guys have it lucky.

This is a little silly...

But I'll do this whole "get to know more about me" thing. Here we go:

10 Years Ago Today: haha, you guys are gonna laugh at this. Keep in mind that I'm just 20. I was starting the 5th grade and really into Janet Jackson. My best friend at the time Marisa and I would dance around to her songs, pretending to be her.

Five Years Ago Today:Just starting the 10th grade. I had a big crush on my biology teacher Mr. Miller who was 28 at the time. He was fillipino and had the cutest smile--and he was a breakdancer. Too bad he's married now.

1 Year Ago Today:Getting back from a vacation in Turkey.

Yesterday:Packing. Picked up my mom from work. Errands all around. Nothing interesting.

Tomorrow:I work from 2-10.

5 Snacks I enjoy:ohhhh...Reese's is wonderfully sinful. Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream, pretzels, anything with chocolate and trail mix.

5 Bands That I Know the Lyrics to Most of Their Songs:Marvin Gaye, the Foo Fighters, Incubus (ahhh..I love "Stellar"), the Temptations and the Beatles. There is definitely more--I love music in general.

5 Things I Would Do with a $100,000,000:Travel EVERYWHERE, give my parents a big chunk of the money, buy some really nice artwork, get a new car (possibly a mini--I love those!),save some money for my future kids.

5 Locations I Would Like to Run Away to:Turkey, England, Italy, Ireland, Australia.

5 Bad Habits I Have:procrastination (I'm sure I'll find a way to procrastinate my death), laziness, not returning phone calls, eating WAY too much chocolate, being really honest (can sometimes be a fault).

5 Things I Like Doing:playing sports I suck at cause it's funny (i.e. tennis, bowling and basketball), driving by the beach just to catch a glimpse of the turquoise waves, eating mexican food after a day of swimming in the ocean (Roberto's!), gazing at the beautiful stars (I could that for hours), talking with a friend who lights up my day (and getting hugs). I love affection!

5 Things I would Never Wear:Ugg boots (it's ESPECIALLY stupid if you live in So Cal), a skirt that doesn't cover my ass (cause, uh...I'm not a stripper), leotard (nope...not doing it ever), bright bright lip stick, tie dye (I just don't like it--though I can be a hippie sometimes).

5 TV Shows I Like(d):Will & Grace, Full House, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Kept (I totally watched it), and Whose Line is it Anyway?

5 Movies I Like:Ever After, Office Space, Love Actually, Garden State and My Best Friend's Wedding, oh and Bridget Jones' Diary (I know, that's 6).

5 Famous People I would Like to Meet:Kate Hudson, Sean Connery (the BEST James Bond), Hayden Christensen (he can be my hot lover!), Ewan McGregor (he just seems super nice)and Marvin Gaye (if that were possible, I would give my left leg to see one of his concerts).

5 Biggest Joys at the Moment:Laughing at stupid stupid jokes, dancing around my room with a friend singing Motown, eating chocolate ice cream, hugging people that I love, talking with the girls.

5 favorite toys: Rubio's Kids Meal toys! Yay! Ummm...my computer (duh), a pencil (to draw, write, etc.), my radio/cd player in my car,and Hayden Christensen (WELL, he should be my own personal toy).


Alright, there ya go...that took forever and a day! If you read my blog, and you wanna fill this thing out, I tagging you...TAG! You're it sugar pie! But I'm not gonna force anyone to fill out this mother of a questionaire!

8.10.2005

A Change is Gonna Come

Wow, I'm moving into an apartment soon, and I'm a little scared of it. It's that fear of the unknown. I'm excited too, but in a frightened way. I guess the word for that would be anxious...eh, I'm not gonna check a dictionary now.

I'm moving in with two really good friends of mine. I mean, these are friends I spend a lot of time with and share a lot with. If there's one thing I've heard over and over from people about moving into apartments, it's not to move in with best friends. Well, I'm kinda breaking that rule.

Will we not see each other enough? That's another concern. A simple door can be a big separator--one of the girls, Rachel, has a boyfriend that's she's always with. That can be a separator as well.

I don't know. I'm just clearing out what's causing a mini traffic jam in my mind right now--all the worries and all the fears.

I love these girls, and ultimately, we'll grow apart only if I let it. And I won't let it.

I just haven't lived in an apartment before. This will be so weird. I lived in a house before--with a lot of girls. And it's different. I've been told it's really different.

I guess I'm excited cause it's different. It's a new phase of my life...that's always exhilirating.

And I know, I KNOW, that I'll have a lot of changes in my life--especially setting changes. Cause 1. Everyone does and 2. My family especially does. It runs in my blood to embrace change. My dad moved from Michigan to California. My mom moved from Turkey to the United States. My sister moved from the U.S. to England. We're not the kind that stays in our hometown. And I'm not gonna move around just cause my family does, but because I want to. I've always loved travel.

Whew. I just gotta learn how to accept change. A Change is Gonna Come, right Sam Cooke? Yep, that's right.

Where did the time go?

It's times like these I wish I had a maid. Or magicial powers. Can I please get a Harry Potter wand? But then again, if I had a wand, I would just magically make myself a replica of Ewan McGregor.

I have four days until I need to move all my crap, and is it packed up? No. Everytime I start to pack, I get distracted (i.e. "Cool, they're showing Pulp Fiction on T.V.!", or "Yeah, I'll play tennis with you Jaclyn. No, I'm not doing anything important"). And now, I have to work double time.

Serves me right. I believe that I will never get rid of my procrastinating nature. It's in my blood.

On another note, I called Cox Communications yesterday to set up internet in our apartment. The guy proceeded to tell me that we won't be able to get internet in our apartment until the 26th of August because it's a newly built complex. So yeah, that'll be fun...especially since I have to register ONLINE for classes on the 23rd. Just my luck. Oh, and I'll still post, just obviously not as often...I'll just go to the library. That'll be hilarious.

And I just want to say: If you talk to me on the phone and have never seen me before, please do not hit on me. This goes to Cox Communications guy, and the Olive Garden guy took my order and the mechanic that fixed my car and called me "hey beautiful" on the phone. Again I stress, you've never seen me! You have no idea if I have a second head. Or a wrestler for a boyfriend. Or three eyes. All I'm saying is, it's not smart. And all I want to do is give you my order or ask a question...not flirt over the phone or act as your personal phone sex operator. Thanks.

8.09.2005

The Craziest Dimension

I just need to clear my mind, so I'm writing on here. That's what I mainly use this blog for. Some people meditate, and I do this. Yeah, it's fun to have an audience of sorts soemtimes, and it's interesting to hear what you have to say about my thoughts and my life.

But when it comes down to it, none of you know me. The internet is a strange place, that's for sure. You're reading these words and hearing what's flowing through my mind at the moment. That is so strange. And while you're hearing my inner thoughts, you really have no idea what my laugh sounds like (let alone my voice), what my mannerisms are (I play with my hair or my watch when I get nervous), or what I'm wearing right now (haha-nothing! No, just kidding).

This is the weirdest freakin dimension ever. And that's what it is, kind of. It's an alternate dimension. It's completely seperate from my real life--where objects can be touched and faces can be seen.

It's just crazy, that's all.

So, although I like hearing from people miles away (that's CRAZY that I talk to people in Texas, Indiana and so forth, but kind of cool), I really come on here to make myself sane.

And now I feel ready for the day to start. I have a lot to do today.

But thanks for listening to my crazy talk--cause that's what it is. Maybe you guys are a little crazy and weird like me. I simply appreciate that someone takes the time to read about my life and comment on it. Makes me feel special in a way. So, you know, thanks.

8.08.2005

What's a girl to do?

MAN! Why do all the unbelievably hot guys have to be gay or taken? Please answer me that?

Michael brought his boyfriend, Greg, into work today--6'7'' of beautiful blue eyes, blond hair and hotness all around. I am so jealous!

Should all girls just become lesbians? I swear!

AND to top things off, Greg kept complementing me--"Ashley, you are so cute and fun! Why have we not hung out with you outside of work before?!"

After conversation over which actors are hot (Honey! Christian Bale was on that list, ya know?!) and some shameless dirty jokes were thrown about (I love talking with gay boys), Greg had to leave and I made sure Michael knew what was on my mind:

"Michael, you and Greg are so cute and lovable! You two are such a waste to females! I am so completely jealous!"

I am jealous. It's just not fair!

Someday we'll find it...

...the rainbow connection. The lovers, the dreamers and me..."

Secretly I love that song, for it's melody, for it's simple "why can't we just get along?" message.

Well, I guess it's not so secret anymore. And hey! Kermit theeeeeee Frog sings it. You gotta love it :)

Farewell My Friend!

Andy (whom I call Enrique, cause I like to give nicknames) is one of those friends. The kind of friend that brightens your day with his adorable smile. I truly love Andy--for all his quirks and crazy ideas. He's also incredibly intelligent (he's goes to Rice University), and that's something I'm jealous of (haha).

Today, Andy leaves to study abroad in Mexico for a year. Poor guy, he has been so frightened of this step, and I would be too! I talked to him on the phone yesterday and tried to make him laugh...and I did for a little while, but I could sense that raw nervousness in his voice.

So, although he's not going to read this, I just want to wish him well. But what I keep telling him over and over is that he's SO loveable, they'll simply adore him in Mexico.

I keep using the word adore when explaining Andy, I know. And there are very few people that I do adore--he happens to be one of them. For me, that speaks volumes about his personality.

and here he is....being his unique crazy self! My friend "Enrique!"

8.07.2005

Ever After

I love that movie. What can I say? I am a chick, after all.

There's this line in movie that goes something like this:

Prince: Will you meet tomorrow (at some place)?
Drew Barrymore: I'll try (with her cute smile).
Prince (with these smoldering eyes): And I will wait all day.

Now, why don't guys talk like that anymore?! Though, if a guy did talk like that to me now-a-days, I might get freaked out and say "Uh, dude. You don't have to wait all day. I'll give you a call or something. Geez."

This is how I am, half-realist, half-hopeless romantic. If that makes sense. Probably not.

Maybe the right guy will make me a complete hopeless romantic....hahaha, yeah right.

I'm just a walking contradiction, aren't I?

Too Young, Too Fast...

I've always been the innocent one in my group of friends. The one who has experienced the least, the one who is super cautious. I can be spontaneous, sure, but usually I've got things planned.

I guess I just take important things seriously...what may not be so important to you, is important to me. For instance, kissing. Kissing a stranger is nearly not as wonderful as kissing someone you have feelings for. At least, for me.

So at work yesterday, I was a little shocked to find out that the majority of 16, 17, and 18-year-olds at my work are sexually active or have been at least once. Maybe this is a shock to me because at 16 I just couldn't fathom this! Although I knew it went on, I suppose I ignored it all together.

So...I just have to wonder, has it always been like this? I know that sex among insecure high schoolers who may or may not be educated about all the dangers has always been going on. But has it always been this many? Maybe it was just well hidden in the 50's. Maybe, during my high school years, it was just as rampant...I just didn't know.

I'm making this sound like a disease, huh? There are, in fact, some high school students that may be emotionally ready for such a big step. But the majority, I'm sure you would agree, is not.

I asked one of the girls (I feel like a therapist of sorts sometimes, cause people just spill their guts out to me) why she had sex so young (this is a 16-year-old):

girl: I don't know. I wasn't ready. One thing just lead to another...you know? You make out and it leads to it.

me: uh huh, I understand...with all the touching.

girl: yeah, I regret it.

me: sounds to me that it was more for your boyfriend than for you.

girl: yeah, it pretty much was.

me: well, I hope that you were at least safe.

girl: we used a condom.

me: good...and anything else?

girl: what else do you need besides a condom?

me: my god! Birth control, spermicides...plenty! If you're going to put yourself in such an adult position, you've got to cover all your bases. Imagine, my dear, getting pregnant at 16.

girl: I didn't really know all of that.

The reason I find this so offensive, I suppose, is that I remember how insecure I was a 16. How insecure all my friends were at 16. If you're so unsure of yourself, how can you give your whole body in such a way to someone else?

Again, I was always the innocent one...so maybe I don't understand. All I am saying (over and over, haha!) is that it seems awfully young to me.

8.06.2005

Another GORGEOUS day in San Diego

75 degrees, with a slight ocean breeze. The perfect weather for rolling down your windows and cruising to La Jolla Shores or Del Mar (my two favorite beaches in the whole entire world! OR at least California).

Aren't you jealous?

Yeah, so am I. I have to work today. Such is life.

I don't know what's worse--living in Seattle where the sky is constantly gloomy and depressing, or living in San Diego, where the weather is perfect, yet you're stuck looking at the sunshine from inside a retail prison.

Oh! How I want to just work on my tan.

8.05.2005

Pencils, check! Clothes, check! and so on, and so on...

I am packing right now. Packing for school, packing for my life to start up again, and my room is a complete mess/disaster/tragedy. I REALLY need to clean and organize and get it all together.



AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!




That was necessary for my well being. I just needed to scream in a silent world, because if I screamed in the real world, my neighbors would think the worst.

Simply, I'm coming on here to organize my mind.

Alright, alright, alright...back to packing.

9 more days and I'll be in a new apartment. It's official, cause my mom has started to mope again and constantly ask "You're leaving me?!"

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeez, Mom, you know how to pull out the big guns, don't cha?

Under the Sea

Remember that song? From the Little Mermaid? "Under the Sea! Under the Sea! Darling it's better, down where it's wetter, take it from me!"

More and more I realize that Disney may have put sexual connotations in everything.

Anyway, that's not the point of my post.

Did you hear about the submarine that's stuck, well, under the sea. Yes, I know, submarines are supposed to go under the sea. But this one is actually stuck in a fishing line, and air supply is running out (I suppose it is a very small submarine).

That, seriously, would be my worst fear. I have this great fear of deep water. Not water in general, because I really love water. But I am thouroughly frightened at the thought of not knowing how deep the ground goes below you. And learning about underwater trenches and subduction zones freaks me out even more. Isn't that weird? Fears really are irrational...I think for me it't mostly a fear of the unknown.

I make fun of my mom because she is afraid of escalators...yes, escalators. I have no idea why. But I figure, I probably shouldn't. She definitely has an irrational fear, but then again, so do I.

8.04.2005

Bittersweet Symphony

Life has a melody to it, doesn't it? With every breeze, with every step, with every person and with everything there is a certain drum beat to our existence.

And everytime I hear that someone dies in Iraq, my heart skips a beat and the music is suddenly switched off.

I've been given the lecture that "America can't pull out now!" I've been told that there are strategies and logistics that must be performed and sought out. I've been "reminded" that war is a necessity as old as birth itself. I've argued about life time and time again--but you cannot convince me that this is worth it. You CANNOT convince me that this is worth it at all anymore.

I wonder, for the soldiers that have died--ALL of them--did they want to leave like this? Did they believe in this war so adamently that they wanted to DIE for it? I wonder.

And when I hear the ages, I want to scream: 21, 22, 23, 18, 19...and my age, 20. I wonder what they wished for in their lives? To get married someday? To have children? Maybe they did have children. Maybe those children are lonely now. And their wives. And their husbands.

How many more mothers have to cry over a fallen son? How many more fathers have to grieve over a fallen daughter?

And war...I don't know what to even think of war. In a century so much more tolerant and sophisticated than all the previous centuries, this is what we resort to? How can humans do this to one another?

I understand what you're thinking. In a world of pride and power this is what happens. But look at the cost. Take a LOOK at what we've lost here and show me what we've gained. The loss is so much more outstanding. It's a hideous thought.

I guess that I don't know what to say on the issue. I feel as though we will always have war because we know no other way. We stick to what we know, don't we? In a world of power, lives are always lost...

How many tears have to be shed into the wretched dirt that has been drenched with blood so many times before? We know how this story ends, so why do we keep reading the pages? More death, and what is to gain except power and lonliness?

There is nothing I can say to explain the true horror of death. I could use all the similies and metaphors in the world, but no literary device would suffice. I think it's agreed that the only way to explain death is through silence.

I guess all I can say to end this thought that has been building inside of me is a quote from one of the greatest presidents, Abraham Lincoln. I'd think you'd agree:

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power."

8.03.2005

Hold me closer 'Tony Danza!'


Now, I know...the actual words to this great Elton John song are "Hold me closer tiny dancer," but for this post, it's only fitting to say it my way. Let me tell you my story:

Today, Michelle and I went to see an art exhibit for Maxfield Parish, who has some wonderful paintings, if I do say so myself. I like the way he depicts nature.

Look at those clouds...there's not much else to say about them except they're beautiful. Heaven is in those clouds.

ANYWAYS...this is not the point of my story!

After the art exhibit, Michelle and I decide to eat at a restaurant right next to the art musuem. It's called The Prado. Really good food, but a little expensive. Michelle and I decided to splurge a little.

The (gay) fabulously funny waiter (who keeps complementing us on our beauty and calling us "little darlings") asks us if we come to the restaurant often.

Michelle and I answer no.

The waiter says, "Well, you should come around more, darlings. It's a wonderful place, and we get famous people all the time."

"You do?" I ask.

"Yeah," the waiter answers coyly, "Like the one behind you."

Michelle and I totally think the waiter is playing a "made you look" type of game with us, so we just look at each other and laugh in a "yeah right" sort of way.

"No really," Mr. Gay waiter urges, "Look behind you."

I can't resist temptation, so I look--It's Tony Danza! All I could think in my head was "Whoa! Who's the Boss!" Geez, being star struck makes you stupid in an instant. Tony leaves the restaurant as Mr. Gay waiter says, "I told ya!"

Although Michelle and I saw some beautiful art at the exhibit....all we could talk about on the ride home was how we saw Tony Danza. So cool!

So once again..." Hold me closer, TONY DANZA!" That just makes me smile.

8.02.2005

Sparkly Wonder

Just when I think it's starting to go dim, life gets a little bit brighter again...a little more everyday.

I remember when I was driving up to San Francisco. Jaclyn and I passed by these remote, midwest-looking parts of California. One thing I liked about these places, if nothing else, was how clear the sky was.

Have you ever seen the sky in a place where city lights don't drown out the clearness? The stars looked like freckles...like someone took some shiny paint and splattered it among the black canvas hanging above. I've never been so mesmerized by the sky, looking up through the sun roof, letting my fingers touch the nippy night air.

Stars are my favorite thing about the sky...more than the moon, more than the sun. I wish I could drape myself in a blanket of stars.

Maybe I'm finding a way how to for once in my life.

Three (old) movies I saw this weekend:

1. White Noise--thank you, freakin' White Noise, now I can't even try to look at my television when it goes all staticy. No way, no how. But the acting was good, although sometimes I can't think of Michael Keaton as anything else but Beetlejuice (whatever happened to Gena Davis?)

2. The Manchurian Candidate--this was good. I always end up loving Denzel movies...but I can't put a finger on why...hmmm...maybe it's because Denzel is a kick ass actor (i.e. Philadelphia) and I love him? Yep, that would be it. This movie definitely plays with your mind, and makes you think that crap like this may actually go on in the world.

3. The Sixth Sense--yep, for the first time. Why do I do this to myself? I hate scary movies...but that damn little Haley Joel Osmond! He sucked me in with his cute little face and famous lines...damn him! Now I'm walking around my house feeling the air to make sure it's not cold. I will say this, however--it was the first scary movie to give me a good feeling at the end. The Shining definitely didn't give me that.

ewww...I'm shuddering thinking about The Shining, so I'm gonna stop. But an interesting mix of movies, eh?

8.01.2005

How to cure my Laziness?

Today I was awakened by a phone call by my lovely friend Michelle. Reading this, you may think that phone call was 7, 8, maybe 9am. Nope. It was 11:00 am!!

I cannot believe my laziness of late...sleeping until 11:00 am? That seriously is just funny. It's because I've had nothing interesting to do lately, nothing that challenges my mind. I need that, I need it for peace of mind, I NEED school to start before I go insane. I wonder if I'll ever actually be able to retire...I hate being this bored.



haha...this man cracks me up (it's a representation of me going insane, except, I don't have any face hair)


However, I know what my posts will look like once school starts. They look like this. You see...when school begins, I'll start complaining about how I dont' have enough free time. I need to find a happy medium.

I'm afraid, however, that I will not find that happy medium this semester for the sheer fact that I'll be taking 17 units--5 of those units dedicated to Italian. And Italian (or any language for that matter) will take up a digustingly huge slice of time.

Oh well...I am just excited for the first day of classes. I love the the first day, simply because I love to observe. I observe the professor, the new students, the room, the new class...it all makes me so happy.

Well, at least I'll live in apartment (instead of a sorority house with WAY too many girls), thus getting more homework done, which equals more free time. Hopefully that theory works.