Uh oh.

I have a sliiiiiiiight crush.

Why do these stupid things spring up on me? He's the guy in the red sweater--which was completely adorable by the way--and he's sincere. Guys like him catch my eye instantly since they don't come around often.

Oh yeah. His name is Carlos.

We all know that I am a dork, I accept that. So you can make fun of me for my guy-crazy ways lately, but whatever. He's too cute to pass up.

Siiiiiiiiiiiinging in the RAIN!

Today was a great day.

And to top it all off: Stefie and I are bad ass motherfuckers. Want to know why?

Well, I come back to my apartment tonight (after eating two slices of banana cream pie, mmm...) and notice that it is raining still. It was quite lovely. Stefie then suggests, jokingly "We should go play in the rain."

"Ok!" I shout.

Stefie and I spent almost an hour splashing about in the rain and puddles. We even passed by two girls that said "Uh, don't get us wet. You guys are nuts."

We replied, "Don't worry, we embrace our insanity."

Needless to say, I am completely and utterly drenched right now. And I love it.

So again I must say--and you must agree--Stefie and I are simply BAD ASS.

Yay for rain! Boo on annoying boys!

YAY. It started to rain! It gets me all giddy inside. I realize that from an outsider's point of view, this would seem like a sarcastic statement. Why no, my friend. I looooooooooove rain. I looooooooooooooooove water. The end.

Besides the rain...I have a "bit" of a dilemma. I hate letting down people...even when I don't know them. There's this guy in my class...right? He likes me. And you may ask, how do you know, Ashley? Because, come on, these things are so easy to tell. And he sits by me. All the time. No matter where I sit in class...I've tested this theory. Oh, and he ran into me at a party...and we went through the whole fake "Oh yeah...I think you're in my class," deal. Usually it ends there, but he then decided to follow me around the party, talking to me in his drunken vocabulary.

Anyway...you may be asking "Why not give this guy a chance?"

Here are some reasons:
1. he's 25. But that's not it. He's 25 and he just joined a fraternity. Not endearing at all.
2. he's a bit annoying.
3. and most importantly...he's not funny. Or really smart. That gets you an F in my book. Cause, yeah, he's attractive, but so what? That only gets you so far.

So...I've been ignoring him, basically.

Sometimes, I wish I went to school in a quaint mid-west town. I like my school, don't get me wrong, but there is a problem with it: It's extremely superficial. I can't stand people who don't care about politics or reading or art or anything of intellectual value. At least, a lot of the students here like to give off the impression that they don't care about that stuff.

But "that stuff" is really important to me.

But, you know, I'm preaching to the choir here, since all of you are kick-ass, anyway, and don't care about such superficial things. And that sentence had WAY too many commas.

This, again, is a long ass post. So I'm going to leave you kids alone (haha, you're actually all older than me) and I'm gonna go dance in the rain.

I'm just glad last week is over with...

Saturday ended up being a lot better. I was wrong about the whole week being bad. I forgot that I love certain people at my work...and they didn't fail in making my day a lot better (and making me laugh, a lot).

Then there was today. hahaha. Today would have been fine...except for the, oh, 5 hours I was sick to my stomach and throwing up even water. Oh yeah, that was fun.

It's raining tomorrow though! I loooooooooooooove that it's supposed to rain. That puts a smile on my face.

Oh, and I have to tell this story, cause it's amusing:

I was working on Saturday, right? So this guy comes in, with his friend, to buy some balloons for his birthday party. He's turning 30. I don't know if he had had a couple shots before he came in...but this is how the conversation went:

Guy: Hi there...I'd like to get balloons.

Me: Alright. Who's birthday is it?

Guy: Mine.

Me: Oh, you're paying for your own balloons then?

Guy: Yeah. Pretty Much. Oh, and make sure not to put pink string on the ballooons--I don't want anyone thinking I'm gay, you know (cause apparently pink=homosexual to this guy). Sorry for being picky.

Me: That's alright. If there's anyday that you can be picky, it's your birthday.

Guy: Yeah, that and your wedding day. Oh, and the day you lose your virginity, too. (keep in mind that there are kids standing around the counter when he's saying this).

Me: (polite laughter) ummmm....

Guy: Oh sorry. I'm kind of inappropriate, huh?

Me: Maybe a little.

Guy: You know...I'm turning 30. But I'm not married yet. That's kind of sad, huh?

Me: (no answer)

Guy: But you can come to my party if you want. You know, it's a free-for-all.

Guy's friend: Yeah! It's a free-for-all. (I don't know why he chose to speak at this moment).

Me: Uhhhhhhhhhhhh, I think I'll still be working.

Of course that was a lie. But the guy was starting to freak me out. He was, um, blunt.

But yeah, that was the most interesting thing that happened this weekend. That and my fun date with the toilet this afternoon. Yeah, that was a blast.

This week, I believe, will be a better week--because I say so.

I'm much too grumpy to think of a title.

The photo was bugging me, so I got rid of it. When I get a good photo of me again, then maybe I'll put it up. I won't put a depressing one up next time.

I want this week to be over!!!!!!!!!!!! Please be over soon! I'm much too restless to wait it out.

Maybe I shouldn't be so pessimistic that saturday will be bad too, but I have to work all day saturday. Yeah...can't you tell I'm in a bad mood?

Pretty much...I'll stop boring you with my whiny/childish attitude. Next week should be better anyway--my birthday is coming up. And not just any birthday. It's my 21st birthday! yay! And it's supposed to rain next week too, and I adore the rain!

Something to look foward to, at least.

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* I need to just go to bed.

Stuck in the Middle

So yeah...this week hasn't been the greatest.

I've just been in a rut lately. I'm not sad...just stuck. I'm not satisfied...I'm insatiable... I'm hungry for something else. You know, all of the above.

I know I look sad in my photo (yeah, it's new, again), but it's more of a contemplative photo. Kind of. I don't know.

I really neeeeeeeeeeed to travel. Somewhere. Anywhere. I don't like being cooped up in one place. When I get enough money (when I have my "steady" job, hopefully), I'll travel to Europe every chance I get. Dude, I'll travel to Virginia or Maryland or Canada every chance I get. Anywhere new and different.

All I know is that I'm young, selfish, confused and a little crazy--and I just haven't figured out life yet. You think you reach a peak, then realize there's more of the mountain to go.

But my shoes are worn, and it's time to lay down for the night and rest. Wrap myself up in dreams of stars and moons and far away places.

There's more to come for me...I just haven't reached it yet.

On Drag Queens and Stress

I am delighted with myself today. And I am a little stressed.

First, on why I am delighted: I made a drag queen doll for Michael, my co-worker. I always joke that's he's a drag queen, and that after we get off work he heads over to Lips (a drag queen bar in San Diego) and turns into the fabulous Michelle. Soooooo, yeah. I took a male barbie, got a skimpy, shiny dress to slip on him (which barely covers his, ahem, bottom half) and colored his face to give the illusion of makeup. It's a masterpiece! And Michael/Michelle will love it! hehehe. I have too much time on my hands sometimes.

Moving onto why I am stressed: I have an exam today...annnnnnnnd I need to read the Leviathan (which is a painfully boring book to read). All by 2:00 pm. Which isn't bad...I'm just stressed. Oh, and applications for the newspaper are due March 6. So I need to work on that.

I can hope for a change...

I hope my friend knows what she's doing with her boyfriend.

I hope he's not an asshole to her, again.

I hope he actually changes this time.

I hope it's not just words...words that are worth nothing more than dirt.

I hope she knows what she's doing.

I hope she's still being doubtful.

I hope she's not placing all her trust in him, again.

I hope...I hope...I hope.

I really hope she knows what she's doing.

Maybe I worry for her too much, but why should she settle for something that isn't good enough?

God, the old phrase works SO FREAKIN' WELL here!!!!! Love is blind. Hopefully she's not blinded so much she walks herself off a cliff.

All you need is love! Right? Do you? Or don't you? I'm too confused.

awwwwwwwwwwww. I just saw the cutest movie. It's going to be added to my favorite movie list.

It's called Just Like Heaven.

It's not a story that's overly complicated, or that hasn't been done before. It's just makes me smile, plain and simple. Movies don't have to be overly original or unique for me to adore them, they just have to touch me in some way. And make me want what's in that movie.

I wonder, and we all wonder...can one find love that you find in movies? Or do movies lead us on? And do we choose to be in love? Or does it find us?

I think we choose to believe that love is this great force...that it comes to us, and like a magnet, pulls us into this whirlwind of emotions that we can't help but get lost in.

But the realist in me tells me that's bullshit.

Will I ever know? I kind of doubt that I'll ever actually fall in love...or let myself, for that matter.

I've always been too guarded...too into the perfect love in movies to consider the flawed love you find back on planet earth.

I hope that someday I'll let that guard down. I don't want to live my life without knowing what it's like to fall in love.

As much as I hate people who look down upon me for not having a boyfriend...as much as I know I'm perfectly happy single and free...as much as I know it all, there is still a part of me that wonders and wants just as much as the typical desperate girl we all pity.

Maybe I have been desperate, but I haven't admitted it.

There's one main problem here that I'm obviously overlooking--the person to which I will fall in love with, if ever.

Maybe...if I stop analyzing things so much...I would realize that when I meet a person to utterly fall in love with, I'll know. And I'll accept it? I don't know.

I'll cross that road when it's time to. And that's the smartest thing I've said in this whole post.

How do you fix your friend when she's broken?

Ok...before I start this little rant of mine, you should know that I had a fabulous weekend. Dancing, movies, laughter--all of it. But that's not what's important at this very moment.

***

I am concerned for my friend. I'm concerned that she keeps taking back her boyfriend who is NOT good enough for her...who disrespects her, who shouldn't be in her life anymore.

WHY does she do this??? I know that love makes you do stupid things and that you're blinded by it, blah, blah, blah.

It's sooooooooooooo frustrating to see them get in arguments, see him be an asshole to her, see them make up like nothing is different, see him promise a change, and then see no change.

It's FRUSTRATING because I love this friend, and she deserves the very best. And he is NOT the best. It's FRUSTRATING because I've told this to her...and she knows it's true...but she forgives him still.

SHE DESERVES SO MUCH MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot stress that enough.

I know that this is not my relationship...and you can argue that it is not my business. But it is...because I love her, and I want to watch out for her. And I am not just going to remain quiet while he disrespects someone that I hold dear.

I know, also, that she has to realize this fully on her own. What good is it for me to tell her? Except that, in telling her, she recognizes that I care and that I am concerned.

And so I have told her. And that is all I can do, really. But if I see him mess up again like this, and then see her forgive him, again...I will be so utterly dissapointed.

She needs to realize how completely gorgeous, fun, beautiful, amazing, wonderful and gracious she is..........she needs to realize that she can do so much better. And she will do better.

I just hope she sees it soon.

Oh, the things I think when I am sick.

I'm sick. Stilllllllllllllllllll.

I was getting better, then my roomates just had to get sick. And now, I am sick again. Funny how that works.

I told Michael (at work) about this and he joked, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh...how'd you get sick???"

I said, "I wish I could tell you I made out with a hot guy, but actually my roomates--wait. I'll just stick to the hot guy story. I like that one better."

Michael smiled and responded,"Yeah, I would stick with that too (laughter)."

Alas, there is no hot guy. And I haven't kissed someone in....oh....a LONG LONG time. Like, since April of last year. That's far too long. But then again, only few have had the privelege of kissing me...therefore, it's worth the wait to keep it more of an exclusive club. Or so I tell myself.

One last thing, since Michelle mentioned it on her blog. Do you watch Project Runway? Well I do. And Daniel NEEDS to win. NEEDS to!! If Santino (however you spell that mofo's name) wins, I'll cry, and then slit my throat. Because Daniel is talented and I love every single one of his garments!! He's seriously a natural. I'm leaving Chloe out of this...and she's good, but she doesn't hold a light to the luminous ray that is Daniel.

Alright...I've spoken my peace about Project Runway. I'm good now. Well, except that I am still sick. But whatever, I'll just overdose on some Sudafed and let the medicine take me away. Plus, I love how they are sugarcoated.

Formula to Procrastination

taking a nap+ Watching The Notebook+ surfing the internet+ getting a burrito with my friend Jenny+ watching Mona Lisa Smile=not getting any homework/studying done what-so-ever.




I am such a huge fucking slacker sometimes.

Hey, at least I went to class today. That counts for something, right?

My Little Anniversary

One year ago today (February 15th, duh), I started this blog. Here is my first (really dorky) post:

just the beginning...

It seems these little online sites are popping up everywhere nowadays. hmmm...is it just a trend? Well, more like a high tech futuristic journal, no? Well, anyway, I decided to ride the wave and try it out myself. Why? Maybe cause I remember my creative writer teacher say that every writer needs "practice, practice, practice." Maybe it's because I get bored sometimes. Maybe it's because I've always been the girl to listen but never tell. I don't even know if I'll ever tell anyone I'm keeping this site, cause that would entitle me to let them into the innerworkings of ashley (or "ashley j" as many call me). But maybe I'll just be brave and let my feelings go...so here's the beginning. Who knows when we'll reach the end. Arrivederci, for now.

Yep. I've been in business for a year. What is the business, you ask? Self-help, of course. This has all been therapy for me.

As you can see, I'm still as dorky as I was a year ago. hahaha...somethings never change.

XOXO

Kisses and Hugs to all! Happy Valentine's Day!

Nah...I'm not sad that I don't have a boyfriend on Valentine's Day. The way I look at it...this is one of the few times that I will be single on the looooooooooove holiday. One day (I assume) I'll be married and spending EVERY Valentine's with someone.

So why be sad on a day like this?

I don't think it is a curse to be single like everyone thinks it is. It takes A LOT for me to consider someone as a potential boyfriend (yeah, I've always been picky), so I would never lower my standards in order to have a date on Valentine's.

ANYWAY...that's about all I have to rant on today. For me, Valentine's Day will be spent happily--with the knowledge that I have family and friends that love me dearly, and that I love them just as dearly.

"And you can tell everybody
this is your song...
it may be quite simple but
now that it's done...
I hope you don't mind!
I hope you don't mind!
That I put down in words...
how wonderful life is, now you're in the world..."

I always loved that song. And it is so appropriate today.

So what's it gonna be, 50th district?

Isn't it an amazing thought that the democrats have a chance of taking the House? It gets me a little giddy, not gonna lie.

Especially in my disrict...the 50th district. Yes, if you didn't know, Randy Duke Cunningham was the representative for my district. Do you recall that name? Ha. Still makes me laugh. Although, I'm not stupid...the 50th district includes some high roller cities: Del Mar and Rancho Santa Fe. These are a couple parts of San Diego where you need more than a million to buy a house. You need like 5 million, well, more than that in Rancho Santa Fe. Yeah.

But we'll see. It may be time for a change.

By the way, have you seen The War Room? Clinton's campaign organizers were genious, pure genious. It was quite lovely to watch. The democrats definitely need another campaign like that for the elections in 2008.

Oh yes, it can be done again. And it will be done again.

My Downsizing Idea

So...I was sitting in traffic today, right? And it was really bad traffic. It got me thinking--San Diego is MUCH too crowded. I mean, we have 3 million people. And maybe some of your cities have more, but I like San Diego with less people. Cause with all this overcrowded-ness, San Diego is losing it's laid-back feel. And that is too sad.

So I think we should go through a cleansing. No, not an ethnic cleansing. A stupid-people cleansing. And I don't want to kill the stupid people (come on! I'm not evil), I just want to send them to different parts of the country that aren't crowded. Like...Wyoming. Because, really now, why would you live in Wyoming unless something is terribly wrong with your brain?

You know you have to agree.

Other stupid-people states include, but are not limited to: Nebraska, Oklahoma, Utah, Idaho and Kansas.

Plus, it would make me incredibly happy to get rid of stupid people, since stupid people really get on my nerves. And then these stupid people would live happier lives, since they wouldn't be slapped so much from people who can't stand them. You see? I'm just watching out for the good of everyone.

Gosh, I'm smart.

I'm Much Too Indecisive

Alright...so here are the positions open at The Daily Aztec.

What to go for?
What to go for?
What to go for?

I need your guys help (obviously I need your help the most Mcmullan). The problem is, I don't have experience with writing for a publication...except for my highschool yearbook. Does that count, even?

Most likely I'll go for a volunteer position...but I have been curious about Copy Editor for a while, and it is paid. Again, the title of this post rings true.

Whatever. I'll make my resume, then I'll decide.

So this is what puts me to sleep!

I just took a two hour nap. Unintentionally.

I was reading for my campaigns and elections class and it straight-up made me fall asleep. What is it with those books that make me so tired??

And it wasn't a small nap...I fell asleep when there was daylight outside and now it's freakin' night time!!! That's 2 hours and 30 minutes I didn't mean to give away.

Ok, this probably sounds normal to you, but its never happened to me. Crazy naps!

I find it amazing that my body just took over and said "Screw you. I am not reading this book. We are falling asleep right now."

hahaha.

I spoke too soon:

I missed a class today. So...whatever. I shouldn't have jinxed myself.




Leave me alone! I can't be perfect. haha, I'm just full of excuses sometimes.

I launched out my best bombs...

I'm doing better. THANK GOD. I don't get colds often, so I'm not very patient with them. I've probably overdosed on meds this week, but those damn Nazi germs launched their Lutwaffe attack on me, and I had to battle back. I represented America, in case you were wondering.

Something I'm proud of, by the way: I haven't missed a class yet. Last semester I missed around, ohhhhh...20. I actually kept track, too. That is why I am cool for not missing class. Please give me a virtual pat on the back (or thumbs up).

Lastly, I'm listening to "Billie Jean" right now. I just wanted to tell you all--cause it's one of the coolest songs EVER.

ok. That is all for today. Nothing really important to share. heh. Sometimes I really love randomness.

Beware: Ashley is on too much medication right now.

It has been an EVENTFUL weekend.

Rush always tires me. More than tires me--it exhausts me!!! Not to mention I got sick. Airborne helped for like a day, but the sickness decided to launch another attack on me. Damn Nazi germs!

My nose is runny, my head is in pain, my eyes want to go blind, and so forth and so on.

I think I really just need sleep. And water. Good old fashioned remedies.

BUT...on a good note, cause I just realized that this post has crazy amounts of negative in it...Rush went well. we got 15 new girls...the largest amount we've got in a long time in Spring...and they are ALL soooooooooo very cute and bubbly. I love meeting the new girls.

I still can't believe sometimes that I'm in a sorority. It is a hectic hectic life. But everyone has a hectic life, huh?

I'm getting delirious. Goodnight to everyone!!! (Dude, it's only 9:40).

and ACTION!

Sometimes.............I feel like I'm living in a freakin' sitcom. Or a drama. One of those two.





I need to sell these show ideas to NBC so they can beat out ABC in ratings. It'll be a freakin' gold mine.




Sometimes.............I can't believe I live here. What the hell?

Ohhhhhhhhhh man.

Today has been a bit hectic.

Rush starts tomorrow. Do you guys remember when I complained about rush last semester?? Well, yeah. It's here again. But it's kind of low key for spring. Only two days and not as many girls...so that's good.

Nothing too eventful happened today. Except for the cool sunburn I got. Yay skin cancer! Okay, not really.

Hope your days were a LITTLE more interesting.

In the still of the night.

Life is strange and it's hard ot make sense of it. Maybe we're not supposed to make sense of it. All I have is this night...the silence of the night air. I wish things could always be this peaceful.

The stereos are silenced. The pencils are down. The computers are slowly being shut off.

All that's left to hear is the sound of your thoughts, a haunting idea, indeed.
*
*
*
*
*
*
Why am I always the one to think and never the one to do? Sometimes I wish it were the other way around. Or at least I wish I could find a happy median. Is there is even a such thing as a happy median???

I need to stop thinking and find the off switch for my brain.

Another e-mail from my meth addict/commie professor:

no class on thursday.

sorry, but I can't drive, can't walk, can't stand up straight and, most importantly, can't wear pants. I will be there next Tuesday, however, pants or no pants.

e

This guy totally cracks me up. I'm sure I'll write a lot of posts about him in the future, so keep posted, hehehe.

I absolutely love his off the wall humor.

But I didn't see George Clooney in the ER.

I had an interesting morning. I had to pick up my roomate from the ER.

Turns out she passed out while walking from class to class, and has a HUGE bump on her head now from hitting the HARD tile floor. Poor Stefie.

I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate being in hospitals. Especially the ER. Obviously, no one would like that.

Alright, I'm kind of exhausted now from worrying my little heart out. Stefie is alright though. I'm gonna go watch Monster's Inc. to clear my mind.