An Epiphany of Sorts

I wish that I was just asexual sometimes.

I wish that I was completely nonchalant when it comes to the subject of guys.

It's weird when a secure person (such as myself) can suddenly become insecure when a certain person is around her. Shouldn't you be comfortable with a person you want to be with?

YES.

Then it's probably true that that person is not for me. So why do I keep denying that fact?

**By the way, don't worry. I'm not sad writing this post. I think I'm just coming to a final realization about Sweater Guy. And for the LOVE OF GOD...I need to just let him go...so we hang out, we're friends, all of that. But that, I believe, is the end.

My problem? I always forget that there are a GAZILLION other fish in the sea for me. I'm cute, I'm funny, I'm a good person. And the right guy will see that when the time is right.

As much as I resist, I always fall into the trap of rushing life...when honestly, I need to take more time to just enjoy my surroundings.

You are ALL jealous of my notebook.

Even the guys are jealous...


But don't hate. Johnny just picked me over you. Or, er...I bought him. Same thing.

Apple for the teacher?

Sooo, I just went to my first class for the semester. It was italian. I was frightened, since I forgot ALL my italian in the last semester. And this class is called "Reading and Speaking Italian." Therefore, that would would require me to read and speak italian (Just wanted to clarify that for you all).

Surprisingly, however, I understood everything she was saying. That's a big relief. I just need to brush up on speaking it.

This semester has a bright outlook so far. I have nothing to do today but smile, in the words of Paul Simon.

The sun is shining today. It's shining over the far expanse of campus...over the newly primped freshman nervously making their way to a building they can't find, over the professors hoping for a good class this year, over every dirty alley way behind the frat houses, and it's shining over me as well.

Brighter Than Sunshine

I love that song by aqualung! I'm yours and suddenly your mine, and it's brighter than sunshine...

So pretty! Why aren't all guys that romantic? Some guys are. Anthony is an example (you get a pat on the back, Anthony).

So yeah...I have been extremely busy lately...I haven't written in 7 days! That's sacreligious! But I'm not unhappy by any means, so don't think that. When school starts, I'll be working less, and things will be calm(er) once again.

I'm in a good place though. Sunshine surrounds me everywhere...yeah, sometimes I like sounding that cheesy. What? You like it. Admit it.

I WILL be reading up on all of you, preferably today. So expect me to leave some kick ass comments. Cause I'm simply cool like that.

The cliche "I wish there were more hours in a day" makes so much sense to me right now.

That might be the longest title I ever put for a post.

But I feel like I have ZERO time for myself this week. I haven't had time to even check my e-mail until now. And I haven't read about all your lives for quite awhile...and that makes me sad.

Hopefully next week I'll have more.....................time.

Ahhhhh!!!

Justin Timberlake is 5 minutes away from me (driving time) and I can't go see him (cause I have a meeting)!!! How frustrating!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry...if you like NSYNC once (the way I did) then it follows you for ALL of your life.

I know he's just a person (yada yada yada) BUT he's soooooooooooooooooo pretty. This kind of depresses me.

Time to Breathe?

My stupid Ikea chair keeps falling apart everyday...damn you Swedish mass production!!

Anyway, that was me venting. We all know American mass production is worse, and more expensive.

This week, I realized, is going to be...busy. I work 8-4 monday-friday. Then, I have rush practice from 6-10. Where is the time for myself?

Well, I guess there's never enough time in a day, now is there?

Oh yeah, and I have to re-learn italian before school starts...ummmm, yeah. That's a big task.

Hopefully your week is a little more easy-going.

Freaky Thursday

So...I just found out about the plan that was devised to blow up the U.S. with planes...yet again.

How depressing!! I swear, I have no qualms about the United States not being powerful...I really wish that I didn't live in the most powerful country. Because, come on now kids, how does every great power lose their power? They FALL. They destroy themselves. Or get destroyed by others.

Power is...unnecessary.

I will always remember the great quote about power from Abe Lincoln. I've always thought it was a smart quote. It says:

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."

A day in the life.

It's been a little while since I've written on here.

Life is getting busy once again...

And life is still confusing. But I guess that's normal. Guess what message I got from Sweater Guy today:

A J: I'm sorry for not spending much time chilling with ya lately! Things have been rough this summer... it's only for a season though

you are great and it's always good to see ya

SuaVe

Why? Well...who knows. At least it's good to know I'm not the only one who cares. Oh yeah, did I ever tell you his nickname is suave? It figures.

Life is going good, anyway. Oh, and I definitely have pictures from my and Jaclyn's little random escapade. I'll post those later. And you will laugh. Cause, God, we're special.

Yay for being totally insane!

Sooooooooooooooo...yeah.

Guess what I'm doing tomorrow! Well, I'll tell you.

I'm waking up at 5:00am (ouch) to leave by 5:30am (painful) to drive 4 hours (with Jaclyn) to a Santa Barbara-ish region (known as Solvang) to take a 10-mile bike ride (can you say crazy?) and go on a wine-tasting tour (to ease the pain). THEN we're gonna drive back.

Oh yeah. We devised this plan at 9pm this very night.

But hey...you live once. And I might as well torture my body in such a way when I'm this young. Annnnnnnd, I'm excited. Come on, that's a pretty kick-ass trip.

Yes, this will definitely make up for the Colorado trip Jack and I didn't get to go on.

Again I say, YAY FOR BEING CRAZY!!!

Unfolding a Mystery

So, I was talking to one of Sweater Guy's friends last night, but Sweater Guy wasn't there. I just happen to visit that house a lot.

Anyway, he decided to ask me if I was into any of the guys at his house.

I answered, "Come on now, isn't it obvious? You know who I like in your house."

"No, who?"

"I've always thought Carlos is cute. You knooooooooow that," I answered (knowing FULL well that I think he's more than "cute").

"Yeah, but don't you know he has a girlfriend?" Asked the friend.

"What?!" I shouted, with panic written on my face.

"Just Kidding...he doesn't!" I slapped him, hard...to which he countered, "You really like him, don't you?"

I said, "Well, it's been on and off. There was a period where we weren't talking to each other. I don't know."

"Well to be honest," he seriously said, "I don't know if Carlos is in a place for a relationship. I think he has A LOT of other stuff going on in his life that is keeping him busy at the moment...really big things."

I nodded, because I knew it was true, and said "Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, actually."

Cause it does make sense...he's never been on the same page as me!

****
I'm not sharing this conversation because I'm dissapointed or sad...but obviously I still care. I still hold onto my want to just become his friend. Cause at least I'll have a friend out of the deal.

And...people SHOULD NOT play mean jokes on me like the one mentioned above. That is NOT OKAY.

And no one made me.

It's been overcast, cloudy and rainy in San Diego. It's beautiful! What a spectacular shade of gray. (And I'm not being sarcastic...)

I'm proud of myself because I've been reading more. You know, reading for fun. Yeah, all by myself. But I'm afraid that my drive to read will fade away as I become busy with numerous school-related activities. Such as "reading" for class. Which begins with me actually doing the reading, and telling myself, "This year, I'm going to do all the readings on time. I'm on track!"

Hahahaha...riiiiiiiiiight.

I'm going to end this post here--and not go into the fact that the world is at war again...how did we get here? Why are humans so selfish? Ahhh....I'll stop there before I drain myself of life.

Let me just relish in the fact that the sky is delightfully gray. And it is a gray that is calm and peaceful...and not the fatally morbid gray that hangs over the middle east today.


*****
Ohhh, one more thing...Leave Mel Gibson alone!! So he made some mistakes. Yeah, his comments were un-called for. But you know you can't be mad at the man...you love Mel. Come on, you know it. Mad Max just got a little...mad.