Cause it's just so easy to hide.

I'm sitting here
just drinking my freshly brewed coffee
and I'm thinking...

Thinking about a guy, thinking about a career, thinking about my life.

Why am I afraid of relationships?
Why am I afraid to trust?
Why am I afraid to try?
Why am I afraid to be?

Sometimes I need to learn how to let go. Sometimes it's hard to take down those walls you spent all your life putting up. Brick by brick, day by day, it's time to let them down.

I long to break free. And someday I will do it.

♥

Sooooooooo...yeah. I already have a new crush on someone. Yeaaaaahhhhh.

His name is David. He's Eygptian. He's kind of beautiful. This crush really formed out of nowhere. It sort of just slapped me in the face. But that's the best kind.

Kind of weird--he's Sweater Guy's friend. But you see, Sweater Guy and I never dated...so it can't be that weird.

These things you just can't really help. I'm rambling. He's a friend right now, that's all. I'll keep you updated.

Conquer the Day!

Being in a sorority has been the biggest test of my life. I don't think anyone outside of my house would understand that statement.

Sometimes life is so very frustrating.

And I have a LOT of schoolwork to do. I'm being a downer right now, huh? I shall survive. I always do. Anyway, the sunshine outside looks fabulously the right temperature of warm and I can't wait to go dance in it.

I'm off to begin another day and kick it's ass!

Who Knew?

Ok, so I'm not planning on posting everytime Sweater Guy decides on being confusing. But I have to post this.

I'm going to our school's football game today right? And I told him I was. Well, he sent me a text message that said "I'll see you at the game! I can't wait cuz I've been missing you like crazy!"

Why are guys so confusing? Again, I'm laughing.

Ok, Whatever.

To change subjects, I played broomball last night. Have you played it? You wear tennis shoes on the ice and hit a ball with broomstick-type-things. It's incredibly fun. Yeah, I fell on my ass once. Maybe twice.

Life is...interesting. That's all I have to say.

For the love of God!!!

Ok...I just need to clear my throat on this. I didn't think I'd be bringing up Sweater Guy again on here, but I guess I'm going to.

He calls me today, right? Totally out of the blue to "see how I was doing." Where the hell did that come from?

Why are guys confusing?? Why can't they just. make. up. their. minds. Is it that hard? When I liked Sweater Guy he seemed more distant. Is he coming back because I'm distant? Does he want to be buddy/buddy with me?

I'm not agonizing over this, I'm just confused. Dude. This seriously makes me laugh.

Ok, I gotta write an essay now, but I just wanted to amuse everyone with this little story.

Oh, to be delirious...

I'm exhausted and my head is slightly in pain. After classes, I decided to lay in my bed for a second...the next thing I knew I had fallen asleep for two hours! Ahhhh, but it was worth it.

And about sororities...I'm sure there are some houses with "lesbianistic tones" (apparently that is the word of the day). Cause definitely in this country anything goes. But again, my sorority does not participate in any lesbian activity, thankyouverymuch.

We do however have 18 new girls that are winners...and yeah, matt, they do kind of engage in a battle of wits, cause we're definitely smarter than the average sorority.

Anyway...I have a lot of work to do...with not enough time to do it, so that shall be interesting. But I believe I can get it done. So here's to procrastination now and hopefully more sleep tomorrow!

Give me one moment in time.

This weekend has been hectic. No joke, I've talked to over 100 women. Women who want to be in a sorority, that is. That's way too much lip gloss, manicured nails, tiffany bracelets and fake laughs for me. But you have to weed through the fake, ridiculous girls to get to the real gems. And those gems are the ones I want in my house. I really cannot, for the life of me, stand fakeness.

I have one more day of rush today, the last day, and I'm kind of excited for it. My voice, however, is not excited...for it is almost completely gone. But I got this sexy, raspy-feel to my voice going on right now. Oh baby, oh baby.

Sometimes I really stop and take a moment to think about it all, and it makes me laugh. I'm in a sorority. hahahahaha. Oh god.

Oh yeah, I feel the sexy coming back.

Ummmm...so I totally bought Justin's new CD. I HAD to. I just couldn't resist. Laugh at me, it's alright.

Let me just say that it's actually a fabulous CD. I kind of really love it. So if you've ever had a taste for guilty-pleasure-ish pop (think Prince), then this is totally the CD for you.

And there are definitely some scandalous tracks on it too. Mmmm...Delicious.

Alright, that's all for now.

Here we go!

Today Rush doth beginith. Craziness, sleepless nights and high-heel wearing will ensue. The madness!

I'm excited. Sigma Kappa has an upper hand. I love this house, and we will do well.

(and by the way, I'm alright from my little accident, and less stressed too)

3 little birds told me that it's gonna be alright. Cause apparently birds can talk.

It's just one of those weeks, isn't it?

Ok, ok, ok....I need to just breathe. Cause I'm a little stressed.

What Happened:

Number one. This is Rush Week. 740 girls are coming through. Which means I will be talking to hundreds of girls. Slightly unsettling.

Number two. I got in a car accident yesterday. It was my fault.

Number three. I have a project due.

The Bright Side:

Number one. I've been through rush before. I can handle this. It's always the anticipation leading up to the event that gets me. The actual event itself flies by.

Number two. This is probably the thing that is stressing me out the most. But it puts things in perspective...if I can handle this burden on one of my most originally stressful weeks...then I can handle a lot. I'm stronger than I think.

Number three. Once I get the project done with, I can check it off my list. So I'm off to do that now.

I just can't believe this week. The accident was definitely the icing on the cake. But Lord knows I will survive! There are worse things in life...and I just need to focus on fixing one thing at a time.

Arrivederci!

So..........I dropped Italian.

At first I felt like such a failure for doing that. But really, this has given me a huge breath of fresh air.

Of course I still have to take the class, but it will be next semester. And I will study my ASS off over Christmas break to re-learn that subject. Then I can feel comfortable in the class.

I had forgotten so much that it was frustrating me to the point of tears. And I just don't have the time right now to do an extensive review of the language. All of my classes are demanding and require a lot of reading and outside-of-the-classroom work.

Anyway, I feel better. And I will feel great when I take that class again and I actually know my stuff.

A Sorority's Version of a World War

About Italian...I need to stop stressing about it, and just freakin' study it. There is no other solution. So I'll shut up about it. And anyways, I felt better later when I was in a journalism class and was able to contribute. I got to feel smart again. Cause who likes to feel stupid?

It's getting down to the wire and rush is coming up. I've explained rush before on this blog...and I'm pretty sure I've described it as hell. That is because it is absolute hell.

It's funny to see how a group interacts when its members are stressed. There are power struggles, fighting, fatigue, selfishness...sounds like a war zone. But at the same time it bonds the group closer.

All the blood shed we've put in for this rush, I'm eager to see the beautiful faces we will soon gain.

Once hell has come and gone, we will smile, give each other a hug and be better friends for going through the worst.

Non mi piace italiano.

At least not today. Italian is frustrating me!! This day is frustrating me!!!!!!!!!

I want to rip out my hair. This is what happens when you skip a semester of italian...you forget EVERYTHING. It's my fault...I just need to study more. But, uh....when do I have the freakin' time?

I just want to go to the beach and relax. But I can't. Sadness.

She's not completely unraveled.

By the way...my last post was not about whether I'm good enough for a guy. I know I'm good enough. I'm cute and nice, honey chile! Better recognize!

Really, I was wondering was was happening with the male race. I was losing hope in them. But I realize there are some good guys in the world. So yeah...it's just a matter of weeding through the bad ones I guess.

Today, my friends and I decided to partake in some retail therapy. Shopping just makes me oh-so-happy sometimes.

So that's what I've been up to.

And now...I NEED to partake in some studying. Off to hit the books.

Love Fool

So here's the problem with life and love and boys.

And right now I'm going off of my friend's boyfriend. Cause she's beautiful, inside and out. But he doesn't appreciate her fully. He's selfish. He thinks about himself only. Tonight is their anniversary, and she made plans for them. He then called and asked when they would be done eating so he could go hang out with friends and watch Brokeback Mountain (to make fun of it, no doubt).

Not the right answer!!! Shouldn't he be giving the WHOLE night to her and her alone? The night should be all about her...her name should be written in the stars and should surround his every thought. Not Brokeback Mountain.

And shouldn't women get roses? Shouldn't women be kissed without having to ask for it? Shouldn't they be loved unconditionally?

Is my answer yes to these questions because I've been brainwashed by a thousand Disney movies? Have I watched one too many Johnny Depp movies where he can't get enough of his woman?

All the boy band songs I adored, all the slightly funny romantic movies I watched religiously, all the pages of Pride & Prejudice I rejoiced reading...was it all a trick? Was I fooled to believe that love was one way while being totally blinded to the way it actually is?

I have another friend, who I will not name, that recently had some bruises on her arm. Curious, I asked, "Wow, where did you get those?"

"My Boyfriend," she answered.

"hahaha, yeah...but really..." I joked.

"No, my boyfriend gave them to me. Well, he's my ex now. But don't worry, he was drunk. It was an accident," she said, almost nonchallantly.

And guess what, she's still trying to be with him.

That's not love. That's not the kind of Mr. Darcy I want. I just don't understand why girls settle. Why settle for second best? Or, is this the real question: Are my standards too high?