On the Rollercoaster

I feel like....I've been falling apart a little this semester. In an emotional sense, that is.

I've never been so scared in my life.

I feel extremely vulnerable just writing that. That's the word for me in the past few months: vulnerable. I hate that freakin' word.

You see, I've always been the logical girl...the level-headed one. People always come to me for advice cause, well, I'm un-biased and LOGICAL. But these past few months, I've been dramatic, frantic, illogical and unlike myself.

Maybe I've been "different" because this is the first time I've encountered anything that has truly challenged my heart. Two things: The thought of losing my dad, and me getting jealous over my friend (which isn't completely solved, by the way). I obviously have this great fear of losing people. That's probably my greatest fear in life.

I've never cried so much. And while it really hurts when I'm in that moment of pain, I realize how much stronger I am. I really do. It's strange. Life is just really strange, and I kind of wish I were a bug...or some stupid animal who doesn't have feelings/emotions. Or so we think, anyway.

I guess, however, that I can't say that completely. Because when life is good, it's REALLY good. And at least I can say that I've truly loved other people.

The Remedy

That jealousy problem...it's fixed. Talking about my "feelings" worked wonders...which I never do cause I close up and never express when I'm angry. So I need to learn how to tell someone when they're upsetting me.

So yeah, I feel better.

Needs Work:

I realize that I get jealous easily...I need to work on that. My day would have been better if I hadn't let myself get jealous...but that's just it. Jealousy is not an emotion that's easily controlled.

How do you make yourself not care?

I'll put you in a choke-hold.

Ahhhhh! It's raining and I looooooove the rain SO MUCH. I know I say that everytime it rains, but I just can't help it. I get excited.

I went to a self-defense workshop today. I now know how to do a choke-hold on a rapist (if he was laying above me). The instructor, however, was gorgeous...I would not perform the choke-hold on him...hahaha.

Random Note: I just want to ask...why do people get into relationships just for the sake of a relationship? Are people that needy? Are people really that fake that they feel the need to fill the void of lonliness with just anyone?

I know I have multiple crushes (yes, anthony, we've been over this)...but one thing I'll NEVER do is settle. And I never have. A friend of a friend said it best, "I'm going to be alone until someone worthwile pulls me out of it."

Duhhhhhh. That's the way it's supposed to be.

Alright, I'm done with my story/rant of the day. Thankyavermuch.

The Donkeys kicked Elephant!

Ohhhhhh Snap! I did not expect Democrats to take the House...it fully shocked me. And they might even take the Senate? Craz-i-ness.

Soooo I sort of did a happy dance when I found out. Not cause all my ideals fit perfectly with the Democratic party...of course not. But I am extremely happy that there are SOME sort of checks and balances to the president.

I watched the press conference with him this morning, and almost laughed at how pissed he looked. I realized, this past year, that I'm simply not a fan of him. Besides his policies, I've never been fond of his personality. If I were to meet him in real life, I'd know I'd call him a jerk face. It's the way that he answers questions, in a conceited, toddler-ish tone...it's the way he holds his head in a cocky manner. There is a difference between being prideful and being a cocky asshole. He is the latter of the two.

I have no idea if the Democrats taking the House will have any real effect on our day-to-day lives...I guess I relish in the hope that there can be a change. Our country needs a change.

A Time to Change

It's ELECTION DAY today! Wooooohoooo! I have yet to miss an election, and I won't miss this one.

I've been happier lately. I feel like stress is no longer on my shoulders. I will definitely say that October 2006 was thus far the HARDEST month of my life. BY FAR. But it retrospect...and to sound so cliche I want to hurt myself...it makes me stronger. I am completely stronger. I feel fortified. (Always a fun word).

Also...I feel stronger because I've realized that I've been putting to much focus on guys and what they think of me. I have to work on how I think of myself first. Believe me, I'm NOT one of those chicks that talks about their imperfections all day long, that just pisses me off. And I believe that women worry to much about being "beautiful." But I still have insecurities (of course). Why have I been placing this emphasis on guys? It's not like I've been worried about them per se, it's more that they've consumed my thoughts more than they should. Welllll, you know what I mean. I'm changing that right now.

Soooooo, after all these realizations, and moments of feeling stronger, I believe I will have a BETTER month. MUCH BETTA!

Here's to an amazing November!

Greedy Bastards!

The older I get, the more I really hate politicians and don't believe much of what they say. On both sides...they all really suck.

Seriously, the vast majority of them are power-hungry assholes. What else can I say? It's been like that for centuries...hasn't it?

I kind of wish that I lived in Athens before it when all imperialist-hungry (right Michelle?). DIRECT democracy! But then again, I wouldn't be able to vote there if I was a woman.

All the things our government could do to fix the world...including New Orleans (one of our OWN cities)...and yet nothing has happened. I'm not just dissapointed in the Bush Administration, I'm dissapointed in all of the bastards.

Many days I really just want to peace out and catch the next plane to Europe, where I can live as a coffee-sipping, antique-collecting, life-loving hermit. Or something like that.