The world it moves so fast today...

and we move just as quickly, don't we?

Life is so precious, but as a busy culture, it's like we refuse to acknowledge that fact. I feel like I'm learning so much now--about life and love...hopefully I don't get caught up in the quickness again. It's so easy to do that.

I found out that I friend of my friend committed suicide yesterday. He hung himself. I didn't know him personally...

but can you imagine? Knowing someone that has committed suicide? Maybe you do already. That would rip me apart.

I'm so thankful that I got to spend another day with my father today. Each moment is soooooo special with him. Especially when your father is as funny/charismatic/wondeful as mine.

I'm pretty lucky, to have been given a new light to see life with. Pretty lucky, to still have moments with my father. I'm pretty lucky, indeed.

Ch-ch-changes

Merry Christmas to all!

So I changed the colors to my blog, it was about time. I figure, a new year=time for changes.

My first new year's resolution (others may be added on later):

1. Don't be so stressed. More importantly, learn how to smile again.

Hope everyone is enjoying their holidays!!

Sigh of Relief

I went to my dad's first cancer treatment today.

It wasn't as bad as I thought...it wasn't really anything like I thought.

You step into a room full of people with chairs and IVs in their veins, right? And you would think it would be kind of freaky, but it actually calms you down a little, cause you look around the room and realize, "hey! other people are going through this too."

My dad did wonderfully. No side effects. He's basically a champ.

I'm not gonna lie...I was scared out of my mind. Although a small percentage, they told us that 7/1000 people die with the very first injection. So of course, for the first hour you're on the edge of your seat wondering what could happen.

But things are calmer now for me. I know how this treatment stuff works now, and now, I just have to hope it does its magic on my dad's cancer. I believe it is quite possible.

All that I know...

So, I finished finals. Hooooooorayyyy! And I'm going to Rosarito this weekend with my parents (very random). I'm soooooooo relieved that I get a five-week break. I can't emphasize that ENOUGH.

I feel like I've lived a lot more this semester...should I put it that way? I feel like I have a broader exprience of life, to put it another way. My heart has been torn apart in every which way. But yet, it's still in tact. How is that possible? I guess I can call myself somewhat resilient now.

If there's one thing I've learned in the past few months, it's that life reallllllllly hurts. I understand real sadness now. Ohhhh man, do I. Because I'be felt that, I feel empowered. For once, I feel like I know real strength, through real sadness. If that makes sense.

***
Random things that happened today:

• there was an armed robber on the loose in my parents neighborhood and a gazillion helicopters flying about looking for him. Kind of amusing/scary.
• I was play-fighting with a girl at my work (I hang around too many boys) and she charged me and ended up hitting me in the nose with her face. I kid you not. I now have a fun little bruised bump on my nose. People will think I've been beaten...hehehe.

Life...is funny, sad, happy, draining, exciting....is it always such a rollercoaster? I guess I will see.

ok...

for those of you that use "beta blogger" or whatever it's called...I seriously can't comment on your blogs!!!!!!! This includes anthony, mcmullan and rubber soul. So yeah, just know that I would like to comment on the lovely blogs you posted but have been forbidded to do so :( <---sad face! In other news, I have one more final left before my five-week break that I need oh-so-badly. Last night was a good release...went to a bon fire. My big bro (not my real brother) tried to throw me in the ocean. He didn't succeed...I kicked and punched him. That's what you get when you mess with me!!!

Sooo yeah, I'm doing better. My dad starts treatment on the 21st...which is soon. I'm nervous and relieved all at the same time.

P.S. Anthony, you knew exactly who sweater guy was...good job :)

a few pictures...

here are a few pictures from my life from the past few weeks...I just like showing pictures, so bear with me...





you all asked me who sweater guy is...well, can you guess which one he is? I'll give you a pat on the back...

You really can't hold me down, suckers!

I feel better. Things are better already. I don't want anyone to worry about me...I took a few things hard, but I bounced back.

Life has some really dark moments. But it also has some really beautiful moments.

I'll say more about this later...I'm just going to get through finals. I want everyone to know that I'm ok, and ready for dancing tonight! I looooooove dancing. I'll explain where I'm going later :)

Alright Matt, I'm updating. I couldn't take that big internet insult you were about to slap on me.

I feel...a little hollow inside to tell you the truth. I'm not depressed, but I'm upset, and I've been upset for awhile.

What's wrong, you ask?

Obviously, it started with my dad and cancer.

And then I got super jealous over my friend and how much attention he was or wasn't giving me (which I never do...I swear!). And yet he still consoles me and puts up with me, even though I've continued to be erratic and insane.

Lastly, there's my sorority. Now people who aren't in sororities might laugh at what I'm about to say, cause they wouldn't understand. But my sorority has always been different. We're...funky, crazy, different. We've always been the anti-sorority, sorority. For that reason, we're smaller than our nationals would have liked (our national council, that is). So what National Council is doing is kicking us out of our sorority and putting new people in the sorority. Does that even make sense?

I feel stupid explaining it cause it sounds so CRAZY.

Basically I feel like I keep losing people and things that are important to me. I feel threatened. I feel like I need a release!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I'm coming to a point where I'm realizing that if I don't take control of this situation I will become actually depressed. It's time to take myself out of this mind frame.

Where is that strong confident girl that I once was??? I know she's still inside. I've just been slapped with some major blows that have hurt...oh, how they've really hurt me!! But I will remain as strong and hopeful as I can.

Do I believe in a higher power? Yes, yes I do. I'm praying now...