2.29.2008

Shine Away

Breakdown of this splendid day (well the second half):
  • 11:30 a.m. Eye appointment
  • 1:00 p.m. Italian class (ugh)
  • 2:30 p.m. Manicure and pedicure, yay!
  • 5:00 p.m. Greek food with Ali
  • 9:00 p.m-2:00 a.m. Dancing at Typhoon Saloon for Ali and Ashley's Birthday, Leap Day Extravaganza!!!! WOOOOHOOOOOO!
Eventually, I will have pictures up of tonight's fun. Did I ever mention that I love to dance? My real birthday is on Monday and I will be the big 2-3. No, I don't think 23 is old, although everyone likes to tell me it is (these people are usually just a year younger, and bragging about it).

Oh yeah, Cute Sean will be there tonight, so we'll see how that goes, since I've never hung out with him outside of work (and sadly I don't work there anymore).

Anyway, hope you all have a smashing Friday. Hopefully you're gettin' down wit yo' BAD self today too!!

2.28.2008

Don't Stop Believin'

It's interesting how weeks where I start to get down on myself, certain things happen to pick me back up. Things like that show me that there is, indeed, a Supreme Being of the universe (what up, God?). Somethings are just not coincidence.

So this past week I was a little down because I lost my job (since it was temporary and they didn't need anyone new) and I've felt OVERWHELMED with school. I mean, this semester has been really kicking my ass.

Then, I remembered an internship my professor mentioned in class, and it's paid too, how about that? So I am, indeed, applying. The internship asked for references, so of course I turned to my old professors.

So I e-mailed my favorite professor of all time, Professor G (that's really what he goes by). Prof G sent me an e-mail back that restored some faith in myself and my abilities:

Great to hear from you, Ashley!

I'd be honored to be a reference for you. Tell me what the position is and who I'm going to be singing your praises to!

Thanks for writing to me. And after all these years, I finally remember who I thought you had a slight resemblance to...ever see the movie "Contact"? If you did, the young girl who played Jodie Foster's character as a girl really reminded me of you. The actress had a youthful smile and was an eager and aspiring astronomer, much the way you're an eager and aspiring journalist...

He went on to tell me he's one of the editors of Scuba Diving Magazine now. He gets to travel to all these exotic places and gets paid for it. That would be my DREAM job.

Anyway, I just wanted to share a tiny bit of light for anyone who might be feeling overwhelmed/upset/stressed like I was. Humans always manage to find a way out of the darkness, always.

2.26.2008

Alright, Alright

So both Katrin and Frankie tagged me with similar meme thingies, so I'll do them kinda combined.

RULES:
1. Post a link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules.
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4. Tag at least three people.
5. Make sure the people who tagged you KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.

Alright, sorry if I share info that I've shared before...

1. Once my bestie Jaclyn and I drove to San Francisco overnight. It took us 7 hours. That was one interesting trip...ok so this isn't a quirk. But it's cool dammit!!!

2. When I set my alarm clock I check it like 5 times to make sure it's right.

3. I despise most covers of Motown songs...they make me cringe, especially when people try to sing "I Heard It Through The Grapevine." You ain't Marvin Gaye, and you're never gonna be!!!!!!

4. All the bills in my wallet have to be face up, and also facing the right way (An obsessive quirk I picked up from being a cashier).

5. I adore the color purple and whenever I see it I yell out "Purple!" the way a 5 year old would. My friends make fun of me.

6. Sometimes when I eat Reese's I eat around the edge, and save the middle for the end...BEST for LAST!!

I tag: Raindog, Anthony and Sunfollower.

2.21.2008

Definitely a WTF Moment

Yeah...sooooo...can I just share the conversation I had with this customer at my work? Here goes:

Chick: Oh my gosh!! Your eyes are so beautiful *grabs my hand*
Me (a little creeped out): Uhhh, thanks.
Chick: Oh I promise I'm not hitting on you or anything.
Me: *nervous laughter*
Chick: So my friend has green eyes, but he thinks he has blue eyes. And he's been trying to convince me they're blue. But I'm like "no they're not!" So can I take a picture of your eyes to show him what blue eyes look like?
Me: ummm...
Chick: Ohmygosh...you probably think I'm so weird, huh?

Yeah, so she tried taking a picture of my eye with her cell phone, only to find out cell phone pictures have bad lighting. Haha, what the f*** is that???????? If any of you have had an experience with a crazy person like this, do share...

2.20.2008

Do you ever just...

...have one of those days? I feel like nothing really went right today. Hence, I played a lot of emo-ish music.

But I won't wallow in sorrow, but I will go watch some Office Space to give this lumpy bumpy hump-day a little pick me up.

On the bright side (I forgot to mention earlier), remember I briefly mentioned the cute guy at my work that was flirting with me? And is name is Sean, and he has green eyes? Remember? Yeah, well my birthday is coming up soon (and so is my roomate's) and we are going to have a joint birthday party at bar called Typhoon Saloon. On a whim I invited Cute Sean.

I didn't think he would actually come.
But go figure...he said he'd actually come.
I'll let you know, after it happens, if he actually comes. (next friday, that is)

Listening to Ella Fitzgerald version of "Someone to Watch Over Me." Gorgeous.

2.19.2008

Challenges and Chicken Grease

So I'm definitely not as brave as Frank and his little "vlog." You go boy! *snaps* haha. But I think Thomas should put up a video blog since he's the shyest about showing his picture out of all of us. Yeah, that's a CHALLENGE Thomas.

I have a few random questions to ask today. Bear with me, I'm kinda out of it.

  • How come chocolate-milk powder never mixes with milk like I want it to? The end result is never chocolate milk, but rather regular milk with a chocolate powder film floating on top. What is that about?
  • Why isn't school over with yet? I feel like I'm drowning in assignments.
  • Does anyone know a brain repairman? My brain just isn't working today. I need a tune up.
  • What exactly is the point of middle names? They seem so unnecessary to me.
  • How many dimensions are there...really now?
  • Do you think I'm going crazy? That's quite possible.
So...I'm obviously in a weird mood today. So I'll stop writing before I put down something REALLY stupid.

Peace, love and chicken grease!

2.16.2008

Her heart grew three sizes that day.

"I think your heart grows back bigger once you've had the shit beat out of it." --John Cusack in Must Love Dogs.

John Cusack is quickly becoming one of my favorite actors EVER. And this quote I can definitely relate to.

Many of you that have read this blog for awhile know that I've been pretty sad over the last year because of a guy named J that depressed me greatly. I can say now with great confidence that my heart has, indeed, grown back. It's funny how hearts have the ability to sew themselves back together after being ripped apart.

And thank God for art--movies, music and writing--to help me cope with all the sadness I experienced.

Today, as I sit here, I am beamingly happy (is beamingly a word? Well I'm making it one). I'm back to my old self, plus ten thousand, because I have withstood the hurricane, the earthquake, the flood of depression.

It's a resplendent feeling when you learn to stop drowning in that flood, and when sunlight very slowly starts to pour back into your soul. And you can smile again, I mean really smile.

I don't hate J for how much he hurt me. I think in a lot of ways he was oblivious to the pain he was causing me. It's so hard to really forgive someone for what they've done to you, but I think I'm truly beginning to let go of that deep pain.

Isn't it amazing when you realize that you're ready to FINALLY move on from a situation. I'm proud of little ol' fragile Ashley, and how she's grown stronger. I'm not so fragile anymore.

2.15.2008

Three-Year Itch

Soooooo...exactly 3 years ago today I stared this here little blog.

Why the hell did I start a blog???? I don't really know the answer...haha.

This week has actually gone better than I assumed it would. Assuming is bad. Our fears exaggerate reality. Ashley will be less stressed in weeks to come, at least she will try to be. Ashley is talking about herself in the 3rd person. Ashley has, indeed, gone crazy.

Happy anniversary to me (me and my blog, we got a relationship)!!!

2.11.2008

Now approaching greener grass.

Today is the first day I've felt better...not so much of a runny nose, and less vertigo. Could I be getting better?????? *Cross my fingers*

And one of my professors actually let me postpone taking my test to a later date...what? Professors have hearts? I guess I've been mistaken all these years. Well, I guess it depends what professor we're talkin' bout here.

This is so sad for me to say (uh, write) out loud, but I believe I must be off to bed now. It's not even 10 pm yet. Pa-the-tic. But lots of stress and a near nervous breakdown will do that to ya. Nighhhhty Night.

2.10.2008

Side Note

The new blog I have created, linked in my profile, is just for class. See, we had to create a blog about ONE topic (yeah, JUST one) for my Journalism class because the news is getting more and more multimedia oriented.

So just in case you're wondering why the heck I have a blog about traveling...that is why.

I guess you can comment if you'd like, but it's not gonna be so interesting. This blog right here is just more...me. :)

2.09.2008

Trying Not To Lose It

So I about had a nervous breakdown today.

This whole vertigo and fatigue thing has been affecting my schoolwork greatly--like, I've been missing classes because I've been too tired to make it through the day...and seriously, try studying for Italian when everything around you is spinning.

So my frustration has been building and building...especially when I realized what's due this upcoming week: Monday--a presentation, report and a test, wednesday--a report, thursday--a report, friday--an italian test. This is like the week from hell.

I seriously thought about dropping two of my classes and taking them next semester. Cause honestly, it's been that hard to focus and I've been worried about failing--and I've NEVER failed a class, EVER.

However, I knew this would not go over with my father because 1. I am supposed to graduate this semester and 2. It's taken me 5 years to get to this point instead of the standard 4 (damn you, overcrowded school!).

And I was right, when I told him my plan he was not thrilled. Lots of arguing and tears ensued as I tried to explain my point.

But after I left, that's when I realized where my tears were really coming from:

I am afraid...

of graduating, of failing, of being too sick to function, of losing it, of pulling out my hair, of not being good enough. I'm just afraid.

And I was about to give up without really trying at all. Cause I know it will be hard this week, especially when I can hardly focus. But DAMMIT, I am going to try because I'm stronger than I know. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for.

I'm writing this to let out some frustration and anxiety and stress, so...
ahsuasidjdifjdkjfesirosekrskjgposfkpaefkseofjkskjsepofkose oieropseirosierjawporaowkraporaw!!

k, that feels a little better.

So here's to giving it a shot, even when you're not sure you can pull through. In the end it WILL make me stronger.

Um, I hope.

2.07.2008

Still A Zombie

So, I'm not as sleepy as I was before...I am now more dizzy. I swear I haven't been drinking. honest. Went to the doctor (ahead of schedule) and he told me I must have a virus. As far as I know, ALL of San Diego has been infected by the flu virus, and pretty badly. So if you were planning on visiting SD for any reason in the near future, I would advise you not to.

But seriously...have you guys seen I Am Legend? I better not be turning into one of those zombies. Cause I happen to like the sun.

Random realization of the week: There is a really cute guy at my work that's been flirting with me shamelessly this past week...even when death is upon me. Hey, I'm fine with that. So I realize that I have a slight crush on the guy. His name is Sean. What? He has green eyes! They're hard to resist! Ok, the end.

I should think less of my love life and more about ways to get better. MUST. GET. BETTER.

2.04.2008

Well, I Could Be a Zombie

I feel like I'm in some weird semi-functioning coma right now. Whatever sickness I have is kicking. my. ass.

No seriously though--what sicknesses/viruses/anything have you guys had that have made you constantly tired? I'm definitely curious. Example: I got up this morning after 8 hours of sleep, went to two hours of class, then came home and crashed because I just couldn't stay awake. THAT IS NOT NORMAL.

Anyway, I'll be going to the doc on saturday, I have to...

2.02.2008

Just cause you feel it, doesn't mean it's there.

So, guess who was in my neck of the woods yesterday? Senator Hilary Clinton. She was speaking at my school, which ALL of San Diego was invited to, might I add.

And what was I trying to do?

JUST TRYING TO GET TO MY ITALIAN CLASS!!!! Which took forever cause all the parking structures were filled to the max. Excuse me for being a student!

I did find parking. But I guess some of my frustration comes from the fact that I've been very apathetic toward politics this past year. If I've felt somewhat good about any of the candidates on the ballot, it's been Obama. But overall, I don't know...I've just become disinterested in all the corruption and back-stabbing...and yeah, I know that's the way politics have been since the BEGINNING of time (hello Julius Caesar?).

To change subjects, did I tell all of you I have an inhaler now? hahaha, I'm like an asthma kid or something (tear). I have something called bronchospasms. Hey--that's what the doc told me. But I think the inhaler's helping :)

Listening to "There, There" by Radiohead. And it's putting me in a good mood.