Movie Marathon, Sucka!!!!

I've been going on a movie rampage lately, since there is a dollar deal at Blockbluster. I watched The Guru--hahaha, I just don't know what to say about that movie. I'd give it a 6.5 out of 10. But the opening, I'd give that a 10. One of the best openings EVER.

Then I saw The Family Man with Nicholas Cage, whom I think is an amazingly talented actor. That movie was more of an 8 out of 10. Plus, I love insightful movies, which this definitely was.

Today, I rented Unfaithful and am about to watch it. I was in the mood for a drama. The gay guy at the counter joked with me, "Honey, this is an intense movie!" Oh, gay boys :)

I should be doing some homework. But instead I'm going to watch my intense movie and eat some Hawaiian BBQ Chicken! That's right, take that homework! *sticks out tongue*

hehe.

P.S. The weather is SD has been ERRATIC. Monday it was next to 90 degrees. Yesterday it was around 75. Today, somewhere in the 60's, windy and a little rainy. WHAT THE HELL?

Sad songs and tarnished jewels.

So I had to copy Frank and Tim and put a little juke box thing on my page. You don't get it...I love juke boxes. I'm the girl begging other people for quarters so I can play just one more song.

The first song is called "Souvenir" by Counterfit...they are a band that has broken up, but I love their lyrics--unique, poetic and cutting.

The second song is called "Plane" by Jason Mraz. I just heard this song yesterday, actually, from my good friend Rachel. It captures the feeling of being a little lost when you're in pain. And it's got pianos and violins, my two favorites!!

Third is "Littlest Things" by Lily Allen. Lily is a kickass British artist who has the sweetest voice in the world. Again, this song is about heartache...it's a song all about longing. It's really quite beautiful.

I didn't mean to post all sad songs, but they are my favorite--I love their passion. They are tarnished jewels; they have a more interesting shine than the perfectly cut happy love song.

Take a listen if you dare. I posted these songs because they all speak to me; thus, taking a listen better explains who I am.

XOXO Ash

Hard Times, Hard Measures

♫ Listening to "Big Me" from the Foo Fighters ♫

Yeah, I'm stressed. But it comes in waves, you know? I just talked to one of my calm, laid-back friends Matthew, and he put some things in perspective for me. So at this moment, I'm alright. haha. I sound like a mental patient, I swear.

So sorry if I'm not around terribly much in the next few weeks. I'll either be working on one of the 5 papers or 4 tests that are about to hit me in that time frame--or I'll be dead *nervous laughter*

haha...I kid.

Some fun news: I'm going to my friend's fraternity banquet next weekend, and I bought a pretty pretty dress for it. I love playing dress up! I'll post those pictures after the event.

K, good luck to you all if you're feelin' the stress too!

Better In Time

I have about 3 weeks of classes left, and then finals. I am stressed to the max because this is the semester from HELL.

I see the finish line...I SEE IT, dammit. I am so close.

Just gotta get there, and I will be graduating! *gasp*

I am a Badass.

I realized, driving back from school to my apartment, that I had a flat tire. I have bad luck with flat tires, I swear.

Anyway, the reason that I am a badass is because I changed it all on my own. No help. And my jack even broke, making the car fall down right before I was almost done jacking it up. But I rigged it in a way that it would work and started over.

And yeah, changing a tire is not hard, but I could've freaked out with all the stress I'm ALREADY feeling from assignments and tests and school in general! But I didn't. I made that flat tire my bitch!

I. am. a. badass.

K, thanks, that's all for today.

Finding the box full of letters.

Today I came across a box of old letters from my dad to his parents from the 1960s. He was only 18 then and had just joined the Navy (during the Vietnam war). He hadn't been sent overseas yet, so there wasn't anything sad in the letters.

I love coming across things like this. LOVE IT. The past is so intriguing to me!

And I'm a person that always has these random, weird thoughts. Like how amazing it was to see the penmanship of my Grandma Helen. She passed away in 1999, but her writing, and the ink she used in 1968, lives on. I can hold a part of her in my hands.

And I also came across another box with old patches from my father's Navy career. One instantly caught my eye, then made me giggle. It had a picture of a chicken (reading a newspaper, of course) on a toilet. The top of the patch said "EVER SEE A CHICKENSHIT?"

hehe. 'Tis why my dad rocks. When I asked him about it, he said he had it sewn to the back of his work jacket until one of the senior cheifs made him take it off.

Maybe one day I'll be that cool.

Dumbledore!

For the Love of God!!! Watch this!!!!

Purple. And a little more on forgiveness.

I changed my blog color...I heart purple. Can you tell?

I just wanted to say, you guys have some interesting views on forgiveness.

My view on forgiveness is this: If we don't forgive, how do we really move on from the situation? If you don't forgive, then you are, in fact, holding onto anger in your heart. I believe that forgiveness and letting go of anger are synonymous.

And by forgiveness, I don't mean that the person that hurt/betrayed you becomes your best bud again. Of course not. J and I are not friends right now, and we may never be again. But I am in the process of forgiving him for all his wrongdoings against me--purely because I loved him, and not based on the fact of whether he has shown remorse (although he has). I do not want to harbor angry feelings for him anymore, I simply want to wish him the best (Goodluck and Goodbye to your old time top five...remember?).

However, maybe you and I are different in the way we handle situations.

In the end, I'm still unable to see how you can really move on without forgiving.

I'm interested in all of your opinions, so I thought I would bring that up one more time. Different cultures, different ideas, differences of opinion--they're all so interesting to me.

But there's one thing you HAVE to agree with--the color of my blog is so pretty. If you say otherwise, mi dispiace (I'm sorry), we can't be friends.

Grace and Elegance

Today has been better than yesterday. Sometimes I feel like I'm on an un-fun rollercoaster. Weeeee! Not.

But I'm starting to remember what a great girl I am. I'm freakin' cute, okay? I'm not talking about my looks, I'm talking about my personality here. And, I'm really good at flirting. So I'll be doing lots of that of course (with random boys I don't want an attachment to, of course). I know I'm bragging...so what of it? :)

Too bad spring break is coming to a close. It hasn't been a relaxing spring break (uh, no). But it has been a life-changing spring break. Maybe that's the best kind.

I wouldn't ask for life to be anything other but a struggle and a learning experience. Makes things more interesting, right? The most fulfilling thing is knowing I can handle this struggle, and most of all, handle it with grace and elegance. Vengeance is not my style.

*pat myself on the back*

Here's to a better week, for you and for me ♥

I think it's about forgiveness.

The song "The Heart of the Matter" by Don Henley came on the radio today. It's a song that I've heard a million times and always overlooked as easy listening. haha. It's funny how many songs become real and almost make you cry (um, it did make me cry) when you hear them again and really understand them for once. Cue the lyrics!

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
And the more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought Id figured out
I have to learn again

Ive been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think its about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down; you know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby; life goes on
You keep carryin' that anger; it'll eat you up inside, baby

I won't lie. I'm in a sad mood right now. Actually, I'm not quite sure why you are even reading this; all my posts have to be pretty depressing to read.

All I do know is that I have to reach a point of forgiveness. I cannot carry this anger and sadness for long. The question is, how do I let go? And how do I forgive?

Finding the Beauty

I'm drinking coffee right now and it's my second cup of the day. I am so addicted.

Listening to a song you all might like. It's called "Beauty in Walking Away" by Marie Digby. Here is a video of her singing it live. (I think Anthony would like it, at least).



Have you ever had the urge to write more when you are sad over something? Now don't get me wrong...I'm not depressed, not in the slightest. But I'm not settled, and certainly not content right now. But I know I will reach a peace soon.

Life is such a blur sometimes and I feel like I get so caught up in the rush of things. I won't be able to rush letting him go. But I will eventually. I will...

Some lyrics of "Beauty in Walking Away" that I find simple, yet enchanting:

I float on the streets
That are empty
Take the path
That the wind only knows
Tonight is the last time
That I'll ever be here

There's an answer
In the sound of a train
There is wisdom
Past the bridge on the bay
There's a lifetime
Through the fog
In the rain
There's a beauty
In walking away

P.S. I watched Reservoir Dogs for the first time. Now while I admit that it's original, my biggest reaction to that damn movie is WTF????

Fooling Ali

As you know, today is April Fools.

So, I decided to pull a little prank on my roommate Ali. Ali and I were (and still are, I admit) huge fans of *NSYNC (R.I.P.). Ali's favorite is the gay one, a.k.a Lance Bass.

Ali and I have met Lance once at a book signing, but she's always looking for chances to meet him more times (you ain't gonna turn him straight, Ali). So I sent her a text today saying : OH MY GOSH. Lance is going to be in San Diego today! Did you hear? (she was in LA at the time visiting her parents).

So she sent a text back saying: WHAT?! When and where!

I could have kept going, but I decided to end it there, and said: April Fools! sorry, it was just too easy. love you.

She texted back: I hate you...

hehehe.

At least I'm not as bad as my father, who one year told my mom that when he was dropping me off for school, I fell out of the car and broke my leg. I was around 8-years-old at the time.

In other news, I went to the dentist today and dammit! I have a cavity (a tiny one). I have never had one before. There goes my perfect record. :(

Oh well. I'm just enjoying Spring Break right now. It's nice to be off from school. Still gotta finish those taxes though...