My Idea of Beauty

What is beauty? Really though, I feel like we're always striving to be beautiful in this world, and it makes me sick. Cause we're expected to be more than beautiful, we are expected to be flawless.

And they wonder why depression floods our heart, and eating disorders take over our mind when we can't reach an unrealistic goal.

What I find beautiful is a heart at rest. What do I mean by that? I mean a person who does not have to strive to be beautiful, she just is. She doesn't stare at her thighs in the mirror disapprovingly. She doesn't run 10 miles a day to be a size two. She doesn't worry about some bonehead calling her. She is at rest.

Yeah, exercise is fine, make-up is fine, wanting to be lovely for a loved-one, that's all good. But why all the pressure? Why all the anxiety?

We all know that true beauty is found in sincerity, laughter, vulnerability, spirituality and love. A truly beautiful woman is the one who lives life with open arms, without hiding for fear of rejection. Again, a woman at rest and peace with who she is and what she's living for on this planet.

I'm not completely at rest, but I'm learning more everyday to let go. I'm coming undone and releasing all the fakeness and anxiousness I once felt to impress others, to make myself something I was not. Because trying to hold yourself together to project an image of beauty, well that's easy to see through. But letting yourself become vulnerable to life, that's really really beautiful. Because it is real.

I brought up this conversation because women face this every-freakin-day. I hear women complain about weight, boys, pimples and all of the above everyday. And they all feel like they aren't good enough. We will never be good enough if we try for perfection.

Just rest, ladies. You've been fighting too hard. Rest.

Back to the Internets

Oh man. I've been busy again and haven't posted in nearly a week. Actually, I haven't been on internet much at all this past week. But that's a good thing, and kind of refreshing.

My sis and nephews visited over the weekend, and that kept me pretty occupied, i.e., trips to the park, and ice skating (I didn't fall on my ass, so I get a gold star). Also, the youngest was a handful in general, since he is a baby.

And also I said goodbye to an old co-worker/good friend on Friday night. He's moving to Colorado. He will be missed. He chose to have his party at a gay bar. heh heh. Twas an interesting night and maybe I will post a picture I took with a go-go dancer there. All in good fun.

I know I did much more, but why re-cap everything? I think I will go read about all of you fine people now, and catch up with your lives.

Cherrio!

A Time to Heal, A Time to Laugh

Like my cool face paint I got at Disneyland? It's smashing, isn't it? It made me feel five again, and slightly insane as I skipped around the theme park. But it made me really happy. No, elated. Elated is a better word for it.

So yesssss...I've been ultra busy this past week. Maybe not doing traditional busy things--like extra work. I've been doing fun busy things. Like breakfast with good friends, time for reading, time for watching Twilight (twice already--dork alert!) and time to spend 11 hours at the Happiest Place on Earth. I was exhausted that day!!

On top of all that, I've been sick this week. I really should take vitamins.

What can I say, though? Life is brilliant. It really, really is.

This is the time in my life where my heart has completely healed from past pain and opened back up to the beauty of living. Not to say that I won't go through pain again, I know I will. But I will handle future pain with more grace and wisdom next time around.

Part of that pain I used to carry was lifted off by the kids I work with. I know this may sound so completely corny that you might stop reading this post this very second. Haha, go ahead. But know that it's true. There's just something about a child's outlook on life that rubs off on you...you remember the beauty of life and love. You wonder along with them. You think like a kid again, thoughts that are limitless and boundless. It's refreshing.

There are two little boys that have especially made an impression on me: Little Isaiah and Prescott. Isaiah is a little Latin boy that has an adorable dimple on one side when he smiles and an even more adorable attitude. Prescott, a cute half-black, half-white little guy, smiles his heart-of-gold-smile, and I melt.

And they love me. They ask for my attention, i.e. "Miss Ashley, watch me cross these monkey bars!" and "Miss Ashley, cheer me on when I bat!" They remind me of the goodness of boys, and how not all men grow up to be evil. haha. Seriously though.

And it reminds me of the goodness of God. And how he shines through in the most unexpected places. I didn't think I was going to get much out of this job when I took it. But it has truly helped me piece back broken parts of me, to make a complete, shiningly-happy Ashley.

To look at the world with new eyes again, that is a gift.

Again, sorry that I'm sounding like a Hallmark card. Sometimes I really can't help it.

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
...a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance."

Before those verses became a pop-hit by the Byrds, they were verses from the Bible. Chapter 3 in Ecclesiastes, if you're interested.

If you read this whole post...you get a pat on the back!

Slow Me Down

Ah! I promise I haven't died. I've just been VERY busy! I think I will write a post tomorrow.

Wait, did I just write a post to tell you that I will write a post tomorrow?

I am a strange cookie.

You know you want a bite...and that just further proved my strangeness.

haha. I'll stop now.

High School Idol

So, I've been watching American Idol this season. I haven't watched since the second season, when Clay Aiken was on. For some weird reason I decided to watch again. haha. That silly show...

Anyway, back to the point I want to make. There is a contestant name Adam Lambert. And when I heard his name, I thought to myself, "That name sounds so familiar!" They even mentioned that Adam was from San Diego originally. But I thought I was just mixing that name up with a Neil Lambert that was in my grade. Well, turns out that wasn't so off, cause Neil is Adam's little brother.

Adam was apparently a senior when I was a freshman. I recall him from plays (i.e. A Midsummer Night's Dream). And back then he had reddish/blond hair and lots of freckles. haha. A bit of a change! Looks like someone got a hold of some hair dye and went tanning.

We truly live in a small world.

Friday Night Lights

Ever have one of those nights where you have so much fun you shake all the stress outta your system?

Yeah, well tonight was one of those nights. Or should I say last night? I realize that it is past 1:30 in the morning. haha.

Last night consisted of:

• A wine tasting event--->which led to a heart-to-heart convo about boys. Never fails.
  
• Too much laughter to handle.
• Apple pie and "Pot Brownies." Did you just do a double take? That's what they were called, as in, they are baked in a little ceramic pot.
  
• A waiter named Fernando.
• Walking around Little Italy, wandering into an art gallery, and walking away with free art.
  
• Dancing. There should always be dancing. And we didn't go to a club. We just danced on the street, in the restaurant, in the car. Like I said, there should always be dancing.
• Gooooooooooooooood times.
  

Time for bed. Ah, the pleasant slumber of a girl that has just gone on an adventure.

Love, Save the Empty

I really like this video. Most likely you've heard this song (at least you did in the GAzillion ads for He's Just Not That Into You). The lyrics are interesting and sad. But there is a truth to them. The artisit sings about the pain and "false affection" encountered in everyone's quest for love.



I like thought-provoking songs. I'll have to check into this artist, cause I think her voice is pretty kick-ass, as well.

Morning Monster

Don't you love him???? He's my morning monster! haha...My friend Rachel made this (yes, made this) for me for my birthday. This is EXACTLY how I feel in the mornings. Especially this morning. Texting is not the devil, Daylight Savings is the devil!!!

The only thing that conquered my gloomy attitude this morning was the Girl Scout Cookie Boxes I received today. I ate six Tagalongs already. I have a semi-stomach ache, but it is worth it!!

This week has been, um, interesting so far, starting with a conversation I had with a friend about her new boyfriend (who I went a couple dates with in December, which she had just found out about). haha...yeahhhhh. Well, there were no hard feelings. It was just an awkward talk.

Whatever. I'm finding out that life is just awkward.

I'm just happy I have my morning monster. How I love him--it's the same kind of love I used to have for Oscar the Grouch. Sometimes you just gotta be grouchy!!

Call Me, er, I mean...

This bracelet was given to me by one of my kindergartners a few days ago. First of all I was touched that I got the bracelet. Second, it made me crack up. "Text Me"? Seriously? haha. Then, I realized it was fitting for me. I hardly ever talk on the phone. But I text a lot.

Ohhhhhhh, man. What is this generation coming to? Texting just might be the devil.

"Foooozeball is the devil!" (come on, you know what movie that comes from!)

There's a Party in My Pants, and You're All Invited

The above title was shouted by my friend Suave while on Space Mountain. ha! Maybe a few people turned their heads :)

Disneyland was smashing! Words are trivial sometimes, so here are some pictures to explain the fun:

My LIDDLE FREN Beth, and Me.

Teacup ride with my friend Suave, said the Spanish way, as in "Rico Suave."


It's a small world is pretty on the outside! And annoying on the inside!


The gang. See my birthday pin? All the Disneyland workers were forced to say Happy Birthday to me. haha. Poor minions.

I love the friends I have!

Doesn't this picture make you wanna kiss me? I should be in a lip gloss ad or something :)

Alright, so that's all folks! I am now 24. What can I say? I have a good life.

Salon Etiquette 101

I forgot to mention this before: I was at the salon last week (getting a few highlights in my hair) and this male customer next to me decides to bring up a conversation on abortion. At the salon. At ten in the morning. He actually decides to debate, with his hairdresser, about when life begins!

Now, I'm all for free speech. But I don't know the last time I felt that uncomfortable. Especially because that debate often gets heated, and quickly. I mean, come on! That's a heavy conversation to bring up in the midst of weaves and hair dye.

Once he left, I turned to his hairdresser and said, "Well while we're at, let's talk about gay marriage. Shall we?"

I had to break the tension, somehow. Although, gay marriage might be a better convo for a salon than abortion. haha.

I just wanted to tell you all about my awkward experience while gettin my hair did.

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Tomorrow [March 3] is my birthday and tomorrow I am going to Disneyland!!! Yay. No work and all play on my birthday...that's the way it should be! (I'm going to be 24...mid-twenties, here I come!)