10.27.2009

Nobody can stop me. But me.

So as I am delving into this whole 'Teaching in Turkey' idea, it's becoming more slap-me-in-the-face real. Which is exciting, yes. But I hate to say this...it also scares the hell outta me.

I didn't know I was such a scaredy-cat.

This might sound soooooo ridiculous to you all, but I've never lived away from my parents. Yeah, I've lived in different houses than my parents, but I haven't lived more than 20-freakin'-minutes away from mommy and daddy.

The one bad scenario that I've been playing is my head is, I go to Turkey, I have a jolly time, then I find out that one of my parents has passed away. Of course, I feel guilt.

I know this sounds extremely negative and morbid, but I think about death more often after my dad had cancer 3 years ago. It is more of a prevalent entity in my life. And it's not just my dad, my mom had me when she was 44. That puts her in her late 60s now. My whole life, I've always thought about the possibility of losing my mom earlier than others.

Now the other side of this coin...I know, and YOU know and my PARENTS know that this shouldn't stop my dreams. What am I gonna do, never leave home, so to speak? Out of fear? No, no, no...I won't be going down like that.

Isn't it funny that I'm not scared of living in a foreign place? (Cause that's the fun part!). I'm just scared of leaving my family.

So I'm in the place where, yes, I'd like to still move forward with this. But I have a little anxiety about the whole thing. I think that's normal. Really, I just wanted to release some of that anxiety here, by talking about it.

So, penny for your thoughts? (I pretty much know what you'll say, so say it).

10.25.2009

Rings Everywhere!

Found out last night that my good friend Jaclyn is engaged. She is the first out of my goooood friends to get married. Totally strange. But fitting for her. Jaclyn is sensible, smart and doesn't just jump into things. I do approve of this young marriage (because my approval is needed--ha).

Still it's really weird to see friends around me marryin' up a storm (I'm going to a wedding in November, as well). Maybe it's weird to me because I'm just not on that track. My mind is in no place to get married, and to who, anyway? My boyfriend is traveling...the open road. My love is the idea of endless possibilities.

I'm sure I'll change my tune when I meet someone that totally knocks me off my feet. Until then, I don't really feel the pressure. I don't understand women that start saying things like, "But I'm ready to get married!" without having a guy in their lives. Why are you obsessing over something that is not even of prevalence in your life?

Anyway, not to turn marriage into a negative; because, if done correctly, it's quite beautiful.

On that note, I'm very happy for my friend Jackizzle...CONGRATS!!!!!

10.24.2009

Monster Ball

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Tis the name of the Lady Gaga tour I will buying tickets for in about 20 minutes.

Oh, THAT'S RIGHT...I said Lady Gaga.

Currently in the process of buying a purple bob wig to wear to the concert. Uh-huh. I'm totally going for the drag-queen effect. Except, I am, er, a girl. But you get what I mean.

hahaha. Ok, I'm off to shop today for cool Halloween decorations!!!!

10.20.2009

All Hallows Eve PARTAYYYYY.

OH man...it's been over a week since I've posted. Now, that doesn't happen often. I've been kind of absent from the internet in general. Sometimes, that is so needed. Too much brain stimulation all week. I kinda want to give my brain a bit of a rest.

I've also been busy planning a Halloween party with my roommates. It will be Alice in Wonderland-themed, and I will be the white rabbit (since I am prompt in real life!). I was gonna use this costume last year, but I never did. So this whole party, and this whole theme, is revolving around the fact that I need to use my dormant costume. I've successfully convinced all my roomies to go with this theme. Yaaaay!

If you have any suggestions for creative food/decorations/drinks, TELL MEEEEEE!

Also, I'm deciding to show a couple scary movies. So far, I've decided to show The Shining. Any others that I should show?

You guys are creative...I need your help!

10.11.2009

Of Writers and Travelers

Why is my room already a mess when I cleaned it last week? I feel like Ricky Ricardo is going to walk in at any second, take a look around the surroundings and say, "Ashley, you got some splanin' to dooooo!"

Well, looks like I am going to spend my Sunday cleaning. Until I go to the Jason Mraz concert tonight, that is. And get this, the concert is free. Who does that anymore?

Jason Mraz--I will have your babies.

Anyway, I am having a tremendous amount of fun reading Eat Pray Love, mostly because Elizabeth Gilbert is an outstanding writer; no, that's an understatement. I don't know if there is a word to describe her humble, hilarious, honest writing. All I know is that I absolutely love it. I hope I can write like that someday...because yes, I do think excellent writing takes some diligent training and experience.

Here is an excerpt that I especially relate to, and you'll know why once you read it:

"...traveling is the great true love of my life. I have always felt, ever since I was sixteen years old and first went to Russia with my saved-up babysitting money, that to travel is worth any cost or sacrifice. I am loyal and constant in my love for travel, as I have not always been loyal and constant in my other loves."

Ahhh...this quote has "Ashley" written all over it!!

And a side note, relating to traveling. I noticed on all the posts from my trip, there were a lot of "I'm jealous" comments. While I often say this to other people going on vacations, I just want you to know how do-able traveling is. My trip cost me a grand total of $1700...that includes the plane ticket, as well. There are ways around huge traveling fees. And while $1700 is a good chunk of change, it's still easily savable, and as Gilbert pointed out, worth every penny.

I will have more to say about Eat Pray Love this month, but until then, have a great Sunday. Hopefully you don't have to clean the whole day.

10.06.2009

Trivial Pursuit

I have to leave for work in, like, a minute; therefore, I should not be on blogger.

I'm messing with my blog colors again (not really liking the blue. I'll change it soon enough).

Really, I want to mess with my hair color instead of these dang blog colors. I kinda wanted to go brunette again. Eh--part me thinks I should leave my freakin' hair alone. But I get so bored with one color when there is so many choices!!

This is all small beans to be thinking about so much.

Anyway, I really have to go. I must go...but before I do...I must mention that I am reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I got it on Sunday, and since then have read 86 pages. I have tons to say about this book. And lots to say about how it's put me in a writing mood. But that will have to be another day, now won't it?

Ciao!

10.04.2009

Remembering My Purpose

It's two in the morning and I just got back from picking up a friend from the hospital for alcohol poisoning.

And man do I feel like a jerk.

Because she's been having a rough time lately and I didn't even know. And you know why that is? Because I've been so wrapped up in myself lately that I haven't even asked her how she's been.

Dude. Here I've been, complaining about my life, saying that I've been bored and uninspired...blah, blah, blah. WELL NO WONDER!!!! There are people to help and friends to check up on that NEED HELP and all I have been doing is looking out for me me me these past few months.

No wonder I've been feeling down. Because throughout my life, I've always felt the most alive when I am helping someone else. Why have I been just looking out for me all this time?

And GOD, I could have lost a friend tonight, and I would have been crushed...when was the last time I've asked her how she's doing, anyways? THANK THE LORD someone called the ambulance for her.

This is a kick in the butt, to remember the reason for my life. Not for me--but for God and others. My purpose is not to make me happy. Because trying to live for just me doesn't make me happy.

I know that I can't fix broken people; rather, that is the job of a supreme being. I can, however, help a broken person stand up, and give them a shoulder to hold onto. I'll be praying tonight.

10.03.2009

Taboo for a Resume?

Maybe I could put "Excellent player of Taboo" on my resume for these English Schools in Turkey?

It counts, doesn't it? Well, I am an excellent Taboo player. You would totally want me on your team, because you would win with me.

On a serious note, I'm getting more feedback from Turkey. This whole dream is becoming less like a dream and more like a tangible reality. Yippppppeeeeeee!

10.01.2009

Everyday is a New Day

I've been having a few bad days, up until today. Today was refreshing. Probably because I approached the day with a different state of mind--knowing I needed to be more patient and relaxed, I kinda forced myself into that mood. It worked.

"No one can diminish you except for yourself."

A line from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. Not sure why I like this movie so much (I saw it for the first time over the weekend). Not a movie I would necessarily recommend for others, but definitely a movie that puts me in a good mood. A chick flick at its finest. teehee.

I can't expect to always have great days--a tough thing to hear for the eternal optomist. But no matter how bad the day, a good day is right around the corner. Always. There are always better days.