1.30.2010

Attitude Adjustment

I love having good days after bad days. I even cried yesterday and was being a little dramatic, which isn't so typical of me. I'm more of the logical thinking type than the emotional type. But yesterday, I felt as if I had to kind of throw my dream out of the window.

Truth is, I don't.

So this is the plan I *think* I will be following. I'm going to get certified in teaching english to foreigners. Then, I'm going to go ahead and see what job offers I get, and if they are sufficient for what I need. If so, I'll go. If not, I'll stay and think of another path (staying in SD or maybe going to another state).

I know there's no real reason to make a big deal out of this. I was making a big deal because I've never left San Diego. It's like I don't know how to navigate leaving this place. I feel half-child like, like I haven't grown up enough, like I'm stuck in a way. But there's no need to feel that way.

Even if I were to stay in San Diego, I could do plenty of growing within this city with so many opportunities. What has been sucking lately is my attitude. Life is, truly, what you make it. I've been thinking that staying in San Diego would stunt my personal growth. Going to Turkey looked like a way out of that. "If I move to another country, surely I'll grow into more of an adult!"

I'm a dork sometimes. Although I still want to go to Turkey to just go to Turkey (LOVE THAT PLACE), I'm not going to cry and kick and scream over it if I don't go. It will not be the end all and be all.

The Big Guy upstairs will let me know which way to go (He always does), and in the meantime I'll e-mail some teachers at some of the schools at Turkey and ask how they're getting along (thanks for that advice, Michelle).

And I'll look on the bright side. Cause at this stage of my life, there's a LOT of bright sides. Heck yeah.

Can I get a spoon instead of a fork?

I've calmed down since yesterday.

Simply, some praying is in order. And some common sense.

Life decisions are hard. I feel like I've reached that fork in the road. Which road to take?

1.29.2010

Getting Impatient

Again, I'm getting discouraged about Turkey.

My aunt and my cousin have been stressing to me how poor the economy is at the moment (inflation, inflation, inflation) and how I may be struggling a good deal if I move there.

Hmph!

I don't need to live like a queen; however, living comfortably (making all my bills, for instance) is a BIG DEAL for me.

I feel like I'm not sure what I want to do anymore. Should I plan on waiting a year to see if the economy gets better?

There are language schools that promise housing to their teachers, but this would be pointless if I have housing in a bad part of town, unsafe for a female. Which, yet again, makes me realize it sucks to be a girl sometimes.

I know I'm complaining here, but I'm getting a lot of negative answers when I'm wanting to hear positives. And I value and trust my family's opinion (especially because they live there), so I have to take what they are saying to heart.

I'm too impatient sometimes. Wish I could figure out what the heck I'm gonna do.

1.28.2010

Helpin' Haiti

I thought Christina did a good job with this song:



I'm actually impressed with the way America has stepped up to donate to Haiti. Sometimes I can't help but roll my eyes when a cause becomes the trendy, celebrity-endorsed thing to do; however, no need to let my pride get in the way of helping a nation that quite obviously needs it. Anytime I see people help other people, even if spurred by a celebrity telethon, I feel like the world actually can be a decent, kind place.

Bravo to us all!

1.20.2010

Turkey or Bust!!

*sigh*

I'm still really wanting to go to Turkey in the fall; however, my cousin warned me that Istanbul is a very expensive place, and the schools are not gonna pay that well, in addition to this global economic crisis.

I'm hoping I can work this out and find a school that will pay for lodging (or live with my family, possibly).

To compare, or to give you guys a proper analogy, Istanbul is Turkey's New York City. If that makes sense. Although the dollar is doing better than the Turkish Lira, it's still gonna cost a lot to live there.

Well there's no use in worrying about this. There is a saying: "If a problem can be solved there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."

I just wanna find the right solution. Time to research!!!

1.19.2010

1000

Just had to write a short post to say, this is my 1,000th post!!!!!!

Wow.

1.18.2010

Finding Mr. Darcy

Note: I've written posts like this before, a few times over; however, it's a way to keep myself accountable, to not fall victim to the pressures of society to have a boyfriend. After explaining this, you can continue with the post...

Finding Mr. Darcy.

What does that mean to you?

To me, it means, finding a man of good character. After reading Pride & Prejudice, as every girl should (thanks Michelle), is is easy to see that the character of Fitzwilliam Darcy is a pretty damn good man. And he's not good in a perfect way. Not like Edward in Twilight. Mr. Darcy is flawed. He is fictional, yes, but not a fantasy (if your definition of a fantasy means something that is not of this world, unrealistic).

Mr. Darcy's good character is something that is most definitely attainable in this world.

This is why I never want to settle. Never.

And I thought I didn't settle in the past. I thought I loved J. But J was not a man of good character. He only seemed to be a man of good character.

The best information I've ever heard in dealing with love is from Randy Pausch, the Last Lecture Professor. He said, "Ignore everything a guy says, and only pay attention to what he does." He said this in reference to girls, knowing quite well that girls are suckers for words: promises and poetry and pretty speeches. We believe them, and mistake them for truth.

So I believe that this is how you really test men: you watch what they do. Do they volunteer? Do they think of others? Do they think of you? In what ways do they show it? This goes for testing women as well.

Now don't think I am extremely bitter in love. I mean, I may be a little bitter. ha. But I believe in lasting relationships and true love. I really do.

I only write this to warn women, and warn myself: that dating men simply to calm the sting of loneliness is a dangerous game, that women should be choosy in who they are dating, that we have the right to expect a lot for ourselves. We are worth it.

Ok, ok, ok. This rant is done with.

I think this is coming from a place of my sister (who is 20 years my senior) not understanding my dating life (or lack thereof). Why do I always have to explain this concept to people without them looking at me like I am disease?

Well, I'm different...get over it!!

Dancing Trees...

This rain is craaaaaaaaaaazy! There is an actual midwest-style storm going on in California, and it's going to be stormin' ALL WEEK. This is going to drive us Californians off our rockers. I mean, I love rain, I really do. But after driving 5 hours in it today (from Santa Barbara to San Diego), I've about had it.

No I haven't. I still adore the sound of rain--right at this moment--tapping its wet fingertips across the window. The storm is coaxing the trees to dance, swaying back and forth and dipping every so often in the arms of their lover.

I pretty much love it.

I've been busy this past week, and sick. It's nice to have time off today to soak up this sound...and pretty soon I think I will trail off to sleep...

1.12.2010

Scone-errific!

(with jam, but with no clotted cream...don't think they sell that in Cali).



So, I attempted to make scones the other day. My first attempt ever.

They turned out...eh.

Not bad, but not to their full potential. After visiting England a few times, I KNOW their full potential!!

So, any of my English bloggers out there (you know who you arrrreeee): do you happen to have an authentic recipe for scones sealed with an English kiss? I got the first recipe from People Magazine. I know, I know. Don't judge me!!

1.10.2010

Nearer

Take my hand, and please take my heart.
Fly me past the moon, until we reach the edge of the galaxy,
to a place that is elevated higher than any heaven this world could conceive.

I long to exist in this place.
Where the stars bow down in comparison to your perfection,
where I can be nearer, my God, to Thee.

So bring me nearer, please.

Blue People!

I'm still in my pajamas and it's almost noon. This is why Sundays are fantastic.

Yesterday I saw Avatar.

Now, I was skeptical of this movie at first. It didn't interest me much; I especially was NOT interested in the creepy-looking blue people. Also, after watching an interview with James Cameron, I was a little disgusted at just how much cockiness the man possesses, no doubt a behavior propelled by Titanic's success. However, my dad convinced me to go with him (you're gonna pay, daddy? Ok then).

I have to say, even if I don't want to admit it, Avatar was pretty spectacular. There was something pretty bad-ass about the whole 3-D aspect of the film. Though a cliche comment, it made me feel like I was in the movie--like I was swinging from the trees and riding the pterodactyl bird thingies with the blue people. I was a blue person with them. haha. Kinda cool actually.

Although I give the plot a lesser rating, I give the overall experience: ★★★

**This makes me realize that Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland is going to be BALLIN' in 3-D. Ohhhhh Yesssss.

1.04.2010

Why I Fancy (500)

Recently watched (500) Days of Summer.

My old crush on Joseph Gordon Levitt has officially been reaffirmed (you know, that crush that started back when 3rd Rock From the Sun was on). And I've always had a bit of girl crush on Zooey Deschanel. Do I need to explain that? She's awesome on so many levels.

But besides all that, I found the movie to be pretty damn superb. I love it for all the reasons I love High Fidelity. It's witty and realistic. Not chick-flick realistic, but actually realistic. And so relatable you have to slap yourself when you're watching it, cause you could damn well swear, that hey, that's my life on screen!!

And most importantly, the ending was perfect. Perfect perfect perfect.

Warning: This is not a "feel-good movie" like one review said. This movie leaves you feeling like you've been beaten up a bit, but in a totally healthy way. And, I suppose it depends what stage of life you are in. For me, it was a wake up call to let go of old heartbreaks and pain that I always hold onto. This idea that old lovers are like seasons, and some need to be left behind in the past like shriveled up leaves, this is a good notion for me.

Ha. I must be a director's dream. I am the movie-goer that internalizes and thinks about a movie hours after I see it, and even makes changes in my life if the movie inspires me enough.

A movie with a significant plot and Joseph Gordon-Levitt to boot? That's my kind of movie.

I give this movie: ★★★★

1.01.2010

Two Thousand and What?


Man, we are definitely getting into the Jetson-sounding years.

My good friend Ali and I were joking about how people are going to abbreviate 2010. Do you say "ten?" We've been used to saying abbreviations that have more syllables, if that makes sense. "Last year it was Oh-Nine," and "I was born in Eighty-Five." You get the point.

Ali said, "I bet a few people will accidentally mutter 'Oh-Ten,' then realize their mistake."

Ha.

What's funny to me is we're the people living in the turn of the century. That's totally weird. I don't why I find it weird, but I do. Like when we get really old, kids are gonna ask, "You were born in the 1900s?" with a mixture of disgust and awe on their faces.

Anyway, I guess I forgot to wrap-up how I felt about 2009. It was better than 2006-2008, for many reasons: I went on my European vacation and planned it all by myself; that's cool, since traveling is my uber passion. And this was the first year I really started to feel over J. I guess I hold onto heartache way too long, but what can you do? Everyone heals at their own pace.

So as I sit here watching Say Anything and sipping on my green tea (to calm my stomach from the champagne frenzy last night), I'm smiling with the knowledge that 2010 will be a daring year for me, a year that I turn a quarter of a century old and even might move to a new country. Ah! The possibilities.

So, bring it on, TEN. Bring. it. on.