3.30.2011

Ashley, You Got Some Splainin' to Doooo

So, I don't have to justify myself, but I feel like this is a nice closure post to the whole Turkey idea.

Now, some of you brought up the whole adjusting to a different culture thing. Yes, I agree this is a difficult process; however, it was a process I was willing to go through, especially because I love Turkish culture. (yes, I STILL do). Once I hit the 2 week mark, the pain of missing friends and family was stinging less...and I knew, logically, that in staying longer I would be just fine.

But there were TWO painfully clear reasons why I needed to go, and they led me to write the last post you read...my ultimate decision to return home. Those reasons were:

1. Political unrest in Turkey. I felt like I didn't even want to post about this while in Turkey, because as you could tell, the internet was being monitored/ blocked by the government. Freedom of speech laws are well protected in the U.S., and while Turkey embraces the idea of free speech, it is not as ardently protected as in America.

So, the government in Turkey...right...here's my rant: So everyone, and I mean every-single-person that I talked to in Turkey, were expressing great worry about their President and Prime Minister. The party that is in power currently is a very conservative party, meaning they have deep Islamic ties. It's alright to have religious beliefs, of course, but when religion and government start to mix, that is where the problems start.

This is the most pressing problem in Turkey: What was once a very progressive, democratic and modern political system (thanks to the Ataturk revolution) is in danger of sliding back into an archaic regime where many restrictions will be placed on its citizens bases on religion.

My cousin cited happenings in Eastern Turkey, where young people drinking alcohol and holding hands with lovers before marriage (both against Islamic practices) were being brought into the police station as a scare tactic to change their ways. While I was in the country some (peaceful) protests were starting to form, and I could feel the political uneasiness all around me. Not to mention Syria (which borders Turkey) breaking out into violent protests.

Turkey, as it stands presently, is stable and safe. I don't want to paint some inaccurate picture of guerilla warfare. ha. However, after visiting this country many times, this is the first time I've visited where the citizens look legitimately worried and upset about their leadership. And if the government starts to make changes that its citizens do not like, Turkey in all its fighting-spirit, will not take those changes quietly or passively.

(In case you are wondering, the current party came to power in Turkey by bribing poor regions of the country with money in exchange for votes).

Of course, my family warned me of the conditions in Turkey before I came, but I am admittedly stubborn and wanted to see for myself.

ALRIGHT, onto the next reason...

2. Location, location, location. İzmir was the best choice for me to reside in when choosing cities. It's the most liberal city in Turkey, open to foreigners, open to other religions and has good job prospects. However, as you know, I didn't like the city enough to live there. It didn't matter what I tried, or where I went...it was just...not my cup of tea. I can't live in a place that crowded! It's just not me (as I found out).

İstanbul was out of the question, as it's 4 times as crowded as İzmir. CRAZY. Antalya (on the south west side) is peaceful and more my style; however, the summer is deadly there. And I'm not exaggerating one bit. It gets to temperatures of 109 degrees WITH humidity. Everytime I visit in the summer I get physically ill. I won't be putting my body through 2 months of that. No.

The ONE place I loved was Çeşme (google it guys!). I would live there, no question. One big problem: Çeşme is one of the many summer holiday spots in Turkey. Meaning it's crowded in the summer, but the rest of the year, people (and therefore jobs) are scarce. Unless I wanted to work in the hotel industry (which I don't), there wasn't much being offered there.

I couldn't spend too much time scouring the rest of Turkey looking for the perfect place because, well, I'm not made of money.

These two main reasons led me to my ultimate decision, that it was right to leave. I wasn't completely at peace about this. I think I've expressed my great love for Turkey many times on this blog. Of course, a part of me wanted to stay, but I couldn't ignore the signs. I did not, I repeat, DID NOT think I would be returning so soon. I really, truly didn't. But what's the old adage? Life doesn't ask us what we want.

And I realized, I was viewing Turkey as a fantasy, ignoring the very real conditions that ended up slapping me in the face.

Going into this, I knew that it would be in God's hands, not in my own. Not my will, but His. This is a turn I didn't expect, but one that I am willing to accept. And it's no lie that it's nice to be back with the people that really love me. My family, my heart. And to be so honest, THAT is the most Turkish quality about me.

Hope this brought you guys a little more insight into my decision.

"And that my friends, it what they call closure." --FRIENDS


P.S. I will post pictures soon!! I have many pictures!

3.22.2011

Home is Where the Heart is...

Which is in SD.

I'll always adore Turkey. Always. But when I was weighing my options on where I should be, my choice was clear. I wanted to be in Turkey because it's different. Because I wanted to explore. Because I wanted a change. But at the end of the day I realized that it wasn't making me happy. I was missing family and friends that I would literally die for. I was missing the people that were the most important to me.

And I realized, I can still explore and travel, like I've always loved--but do I have to live here? Do I want to live here? NO was the resounding, unmistakable answer.

Yeah, so I flew halfway around the world to figure out something the hard way. But I learned an immense amount about myself on this trip. So it was still in the cards, I believe.

Sorry, I haven't gotten to post pictures because the internet just doesn't like to work well in Turkey. ha.

Thanks for listening to my nonsensical ramblings these past few months. I know where I need to be...I know where my heart belongs. Biggie Smalls and I have the same idea: I'm going going back back to Cali Cali.

3.18.2011

Following Fate

Hello again bloggers!

So, this is my state of mind right now: Izmir most definitely is not the place for me. It's a *little* too crowded. And when I say little, I mean 4 million people little. haha.

BUT, I've been told by my friend Fatih that there is a smaller city on the outskirts of Izmir that is more low-key and maybe more my style? I'm interested...you hear that Fatih? I'll check it out and see what I think :)

There is something I've realized about myself through this whole process that I didn't know before: I am a BIG nature person. More than I realized. There is only so much city walls can do to ease my soul. I need water, trees, mountains, SOMETHING around me to put me at ease. And if there are too many buildings blocking my view and surrounding me, I feel smothered. I knew right when I got here that it just wasn't for me...it disappointed me to know that truth, especially because I've been talking about moving for SO LONG on this blog, and to my friends and family.

But sometimes you just know when you know.

That being said, Turkish people are fabulous. And I always knew that. They are welcoming; but it's more than that, they are interested in getting to know other people. They look you straight in the eye, almost like they're trying to find your heart in the pupil. They enjoy company like it's oxygen. They are open-minded and open-hearted. I adore Turkey for this reason.

Whatever the outcome of my adventures here, I am so happy that I tried and went for it. The rest is in God's hands. It's when I'm in a situation like this that I realize how little I control in this life. I can only go along for the ride and make pit stops in the places I believe fit Ashley the best.

P.S. My friend Fatih showed me this little nifty website called vtunnel.com that allows me to get past the government block on blogger. So I can read your blogs!! But it still won't let me comment! You can always leave me your e-mail so I can comment that way...because I still love my little blog community :)

3.16.2011

You Choose, You Learn

Hello blog friends!

I haven’t been able to update much because blogger has been banned in Turkey. This is because people were illegally broadcasting soccer games through their blogs, so Turkey blocked the whole system...they are serious about their futbol!

I’m having my friend Ali post this for me (thanks Ali).

So my first impressions of izmir were not good, actually. I thought the city was a little dirty and not my style. But then a couchsurfer friend took me around to other parts of izmir and I found them fascinating and beautiful. So...in the next few days I have a decision to make. Being, can I call this home? Do I want to live here for a year?

I am past the point of homesickness and have met some lovely people already. I know I can create a good friend base here. So that’s not the issue at all.

But I want to make sure I’m choosing to live in a city I adore, and not just live in a city because it’s different. This requires a little more exploring on my part.

So this is where I stand. Either way, I know I will have made the right choice...I can only do what’s best for Ashley!

P.S. Because blogger is blocked, if you have a blogger blog, I can’t read yours :( Wish I could!!!

3.14.2011

Pushing Myself

The last few days in Turkey have been pretty great. I've been with my family, I've been fed great Turkish food and I've been walking around the great and mysterious Istanbul.

Lurking underneath that happiness, however, is a great fear. Today I get on a plane for Izmir, a city where none of my family lives.

I realized that this is my first "trip" in where I am completely by my lonesome. To further this realization, this is no trip at all. There is no return date, no comfort zone, no promise of ever really finding a home. All of my insecurities and fears are popping up in this situation. It's no wonder, I have never been pushed this far out of my little comforted life before. This is the biggest challenge I have EVER faced. My body is almost aching by being challenged this much.

In the next few days I will start the process of meeting new people, interviews and getting acquainted with a foreign city.

I'm scared, but I know this is good for me. I know I need to do this. I just want to get past the hard part.

3.11.2011

Merhaba!

I am in Turkey!

I am safe and my aunt has been feeding me delicious food.

The only bad thing that has happened so far is British Airways lost one of my bags at London Heathrow. But oh well, it has been found and should be returned today.

I am still in a bit of a shock that I`m actually here. It doesn`t feel quite real yet.

I will catch up more later and tell you all the latest. AND catch up on your blogs :)

3.09.2011

Goodbye SD, My Heart Beats For You

I'm sitting here in the very still of the morning. And although my head is still in a bit of a fog, because my morning coffee isn't ready yet, it's really, really hit me: I'm leaving for Turkey today. TODAY.

Saying goodbye to everyone has been a draining process, but it has also been a reminder of the solid friend base and family that I'm so lucky to have. It shows that even children from broken homes can still create family around them; furthermore, I'll be able to create a new family in Turkey once I'm there.

Because the places, the buildings, the ruins, the change of scenery--that will all be immensely interesting to explore. But it's the people that will capture my heart. And it's the people I'm leaving behind that leave me heartbroken at the moment.

San Diego, you are a beautiful city and my hometown, and I will miss you. But what I'll really miss is what lives inside of you: my family, my heart.

Next time you'll hear from me, I'll be somewhere newwwwwww!

3.07.2011

Soon


I leave in 2 days. Oh. my. Gosh.

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." --Psalm 139: 7-10

3.04.2011

Calling All Nomads & Wanderers:



Any advice on packing for a year abroad?

Any advice at all?

P.S. People keep asking me if I'm packed yet. The answer is no. haha. What is it with people packing days earlier? It's not gonna take me THAT LONG to pack. Yeah, I get that I'm packing my life...but I'm also trying not to over think and carry too much. And so I ask you, dear readers, what are the essentials?

3.03.2011

It's that time of the year again...

It's my birthday!

Usually I'm not an attention whore...but it's a well known fact that you rule the world on your birthday. So I MAKE SURE people know they should bow down to me today...

or at least, write me happy bday on facebook.

:)

My birthday present to myself? Turkey, a.k.a. challenging myself to do more with my life!

P.S. I am 26.

3.01.2011

I almost cried, and I'm not a cryer!



I will miss this little guy dearly. It's hard when you watch someone grow up for the last 2-and-a-half years. I'll miss all the little ones. C'est la vie!