6.30.2011

Perfectly Acceptable Ashley

It's very acceptable...

  • to scoff at Blu Ray Discs. WHY ARE THEY NECESSARY? I understood the VHS to DVD conversion. But DVD to Blu Ray? So, basically you're replacing a disc with a...uh...disc. Don't tell me it's better. A rose by any other name, my friend.

  • to have a bit of a violent reaction when people still can't figure out the difference between your and you're. God help us!

  • to desire to turn Jewish for one day, please? Let me explain: my good friend Ali got a free trip to Israel because she's Jewish...Not. Fair. I want a birthright trip! Jerusalem is so on my list of places to see. Is there a 'Chosen People' Qualification form?

6.29.2011

It's an odd and unsettling moment when you realize someone you thought was genuine is in fact not.

It still surprises me when I discover I've been lied to. Is that naive? Is that so very foolish to still have a belief in the good of humans, that I trust so easily and deeply?

I will continue to be honest and vulnerable. There is no other way to live, there is no other way to love. I hope you vow to do the same.


Lovelies,

Hey, don't mind me. I guess I've just been in a major blogging mood this week.

Just wanted to share a quote.

"What I'm saying is I think life is staggering and we're just used to it. We're all like spoiled children no longer impressed with the gifts we've been given-- it's just another sunset, just another rainstorm moving over the mountain, just another child being born, just another funeral." -Donald Miller


word.

6.28.2011

What's Eating Ashley J

Alright. I have a confession to make. It's not something I'm proud of; however, I think it's healing to talk about it on this here blog.

I have been suffering with anxiety nearly the whole month of June. I've lost too much weight (7 pounds...eek!), I haven't been eating well, sleeping well or sometimes breathing well.

I'm not positive where it has stemmed from, other than the tremendous amount of changes I have gone through in the last 3 months:
  • Geared up (and freaked out a little) to live abroad in March.
  • Flew to Turkey beginning of March.
  • Stayed there for about a month, only to find my timing was off, and I had to fly back.
  • Got a new job, learned an overwhelming amount of info at my new job and started the job feeling a little in over my head.
  • Now, I feel better about the job itself, but I'm trudging through a weird schedule that has been inconsistent and tiring (probably what is messing up my sleeping cycle).
  • Also now, getting ready for a move to a new apartment.
There are a few more factors, of course, but overall these are the big ones. Mix in Ashley's infamous over thinking, and you've got a recipe for anxiety.

Monday was the first day I really realized anxiety was affecting me. But let me clarify, I've not been a twitching mess everyday. I have of course been laughing and smiling and dancing through the last month. However, overall there has been a buildup of anxiousness.

So yesterday, instead of my initial plan to stay inside and pack for my move, I decided to get the hell out of the confines of the indoors, and let my mind breathe a little.

I drove, drove, drove until I couldn't anymore. I visited friends in coffee shops. I went to the beach and took a dive into the sand (which was the perfect degree of soothing warmness). I laid there for over an hour, and got sand ALL OVER THE PLACE, which I found amusing and uncomfortable at the same time (ha).

I didn't think of work and responsibilites. I didn't think about anything other than myself, the earth and God.

While I was cruising, I stuck my hand out the window for good measure. I sang at the very top of my lungs to all my favorite songs..."Twist and Shout!"

I took my first real deep breath in a couple weeks, and I ate a huge meal, which I haven't done in awhile.

I let myself be me.

I'm writing this down because, surely, I'm not the only one to ever experience anxiety in their lives. The hard thing about anxiety is, you know how ridiculous it is when it's happening to you, but it's awfully hard to control. I suppose the first step is recognition, and something along the lines of breathing exercises and/or meditation and prayer. And lastly, focusing on gratitude. On how lucky I am, how great all my opportunities are and how I'm not perfect.

If you have any suggestions for me, feel free to share, as I have come to love this blog community and all the feedback you have given over the years. I'm sure I have posted on anxiety before, but it's been the worst this past month.

Lastly, I don't mind sharing my imperfections. Who has this thing called life figured out anyway? I'm thinking we can make it a collaborative effort.

6.27.2011

P.S.

I love this.

Please read.

I Will Not Go Quietly Into The Night

Do you ever have one of those nights? Well, of course you do. We all do.

I had one of those nights on Saturday.

I will not go into the details on why I am labeling my Saturday as such, but I will say this: everything is perspective.

A simple shift in my perspective was all it took to change the night. A couple drinks later and some schmoozing with the drummer of the band, and I had a great dance session to a classic song. That classic song, "Brown-Eyed Girl," was even changed lyrically to accommodate my eye color.

I can't help but smile when I hear, "This goes out to Ashley, our blue-eyed girl."

Maybe I can be charming if I put my mind to it (awkwardly charming?).

Maybe a bit of perspective can make one of those nights into one of my nights.

6.25.2011

The Avoidance of Black Holes, and the Realization of Space (or a more clever title)

I was reading a story the other day about black holes, and other stellar occurences beyond our little atmosphere. It's funny, I often forget about the existence of space and the vastness of the universe.

On this planet, the littlest things can stress me out. But when I read stories on the UNIVERSE, I'm reminded on just how little they are, and how little I am.

We create amusing little societies, don't we? We put unrealistic timelines on ourselves, and succumb to pressures created by...whom exactly? College, job, marriage, family...and why did I write it in that order? Because I've been brainwashed to believe in that order. Everything must be within the lines--clean perimeters created by white picket fences. The American ideal. Is that my ideal?

It all seems to become a blackhole of its own.

And so I think. I think about the greatness of outer space, which forces me to think about my space, and how I am occupying it.

I may be little, but I am still a part of the whole.

6.24.2011

Ha-Have You Seen My Stapler?

Jokingly, I told my boss that I would love a red stapler, in honor of the greatest movie ever made about work.




He said, "Well Ashley, I will order that for you! Whatever you want!"

I thought, "Wow, I get my own Red Swingline stapler, just like Milton???"

So a few days ago, bossman brought out the red stapler he had ordered me:




Ummm...

Now don't get me wrong. It was incredibly sweet for the boss to think of ordering me a new stapler. But where the heck did this stapler come from? This is the weirdest damn stapler I have ever seen.

But hey, I always get fun comments on it, like, "What is that?"

hehe.

My job cracks me up.

6.23.2011

Favorite Thing Thursday

These are a few of my favorite things...


1. Drinking very bad margaritas with Rachel while shopping. When I say bad margarita, I mean badly mixed. I'm pretty sure the bartender poured a full glass of tequila, then added a splash of margarita mix for, um...color? INTENSE.




2. To accidently add too many medicated eyedrops into one of my eyes (my contact was bugging me). Soooo...pretty sure my students thought I was on some type of hip new drug that only dialates one eye. Or maybe they thought I was a robot.





3. To find secret reading spots that have nice lil' views of the beach.





That being said, I feel like I've been going slightly insane the last two months. I've been losing weight and not meaning to. What the heck? I have too many new things going on in my life and I need a sense of normalcy here! Ahhh!

6.18.2011

Making My Reality Ideal

I'm reading a new book, entitled Breakfast with Socrates, by Robert Rowland Smith, and it's becoming a quick favorite of mine. It's all about taking a philosophical approach to the ordinary (and often mundane) tasks in everyday life. Smith pulls from famous past philosophers to break down why we do what we do, and how everything, even the most boring of things, have meaning.

I'll be sure to do a full review when I'm finished, but I just had to share a couple quotes that struck me.

In the chapter on "Traveling to Work," Smith paraphrases Nietzsche's teachings that we create a fantasy world to escape to when we can't handle our reality, but that we need to wean ourselves off of that fantasy. He says, "...ditching the fantasy of another world means you're more likely to invest in this one: you will live for the moment rather than speculating on a heaven to save you from yourself."

This is SO me, it's not even funny.

It's no secret that I have a slight addiction to traveling. *Ahem* But why do I have that addiction to traveling? I think about it all too often, and have many times referred to it as my saving grace when a work day is bad.

And it's no wonder that I adore traveling. Because every time I do travel, I am completely in the moment, taking in every tree, building and person around me. Cups of coffee seem more interesting when ordered in a French cafe. Grass is somehow more mesmerizing when lying in a Irish meadow.

The question is, are they more interesting? Or am I just more aware?

I suppose the answer is a mix of both.

That's not to say that I completely dream the day away when I am in San Diego. I'm still that girl that notices the colors in the sky before anyone else, or stares at the ocean in disbelief and revelry. I don't have to be in a far away place to appreciate my surroundings. However, when I travel, I am freed of daily distractions and am able to focus more on the moment.

The lesson in this is quite clear to me: While it's still acceptable to daydream about sightseeing in Florence, I should remind myself to also remain present in this moment, on this continent. As Smith states, "Make your ideal a reality, or slightly preferable, your reality ideal."

I think I can try for that.

6.16.2011

Favorite Thing Thursday: Why My Curls are a Reflection of My Soul

Last week, a good guy friend of mine insinuated that he preferred my hair straight, rather than curly. He further added that overall, guys respond better to me when I straighten my hair.

Although he meant well, this got my blood boiling a little.

Firstly, why should I straighten my hair simply based on someone else's perception of me? Furthermore, did he really use 'impressing guys' as a foundation for his argument? Really?

Adding onto those two points, my anger stemmed from somewhere even deeper than that. In high school, I used to straighten my hair everyday. It became a ritual out of obedience to a society that told me straight hair was in. My Seventeen Magazine would come in the mail, and religiously, I would read it front to back, soaking in all the make-up, hair and exercise tips.

Somewhere along the line (probably in college), I realized that trying to obtain perfection was not only exhausting, but insatiable. Reaching that epiphany allowed my personality to bloom in a way it never could before. It also got me thinking, "What if I air-dryed my hair?" It's funny, I had never thought to do so before.

The first day I wore my hair curly, I felt free. My curly hair is one of my favorite features. Despite it's unruliness, it's a reflection of me, a unique identifier of Ashley.

I don't mean for this to sound like a complete feminist manifesto; however, there is something so very satisfying about accepting a part of yourself in its natural state. This rings even truer if you're a woman, because we're always being told that we have to change ourselves. Whether it's to impress or to compete, there are a plethora of reasons why women are convinced to strive for "more."

Of course, I still like make-up and fashion. And occasionally, yes, I do straighten my hair. To say that I don't care at all about what others think would be a lie. However, the trick is learning that it's all in my hands, and no one else's. If I feel like wearing a cute dress one day, I will. Adversely, if I feel like venturing out in sweatpants and without an ounce of make-up on, I will. It's my choice.

I choose my hairstyle, I choose my life, I choose my destiny.

6.13.2011

Music Challenge, Day 13: A Song That is a Guilty Pleasure

I knew I would be embarrassed to put this choice up. I mean, it's Britney Spears. Britney freakin' Spears. She's not exactly the ring leader for life-changing, poignant music. But I gotta give her a break, she's not trying to be the next Bob Dylan. She's a pop artist and she doesn't profess to be anything else.

And, here goes: This is a Britney song that I just love.

That's right, I said it. I am offically blushing. Sometimes...I like pop.

And I don't know what it is about this song in particular, but I think it's actually good. Oh god, I'll stop explaining this spot on my nearly perfect music record. Let's just cut to the video:




The Challenge so far:
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to

6.12.2011

Muy Mal

My co-worker's conversation on the phone with a prospective student (brace yourself):

Student: Hello?
Co-worker: Hi, is this Sandra?
Student: Yes. Who is this?
Co-worker: This is D with ______ University.
Student: Oh, do you speak Spanish?
Co-worker: Um, no.
Student: Oh, I only speak Spanish.
Co-worker: Uh, ok. Bye.

The student didn't have an accent and CLEARLY spoke English. Of course we expected interesting responses to these phone calls, because they were people who wrote their number down simply to get free food and be in a raffle (a promotion that we held). This call, by far, was the most ridiculous.

Gotta love it.

6.09.2011

Favorite Thing Thursday

These are a few of my favorite things...

Awesome green chairs.


Brave squirrels that come up to say hi.


Mass-produced IKEA clocks, that seem "one-of-a-kind" to me. I love my new clock!


6.06.2011

Perfectly Acceptable Ashley

It's so very acceptable...

  • to want to DESTROY/OBLITERATE/BOMB the copy machine at my job. I thoroughly get the scene in Office Space where they take their good-for-nothing, piece of crap copy machine and smash it in the desert. I thought it was funny before, but I SOOOOO get it now.

  • to go bat-sh*t crazy in IKEA when I know I'm about to move into a new apartment (in July) and I get to go on a decorating frenzy! Lord, help me. I also went into World Market today. MUST. NOT. BUY. EVERYTHING IN SIGHT.

  • to have a bipolar reaction when I succumb to liking a country song. First I think, "Oh! I like this...nice melody..." then I remember that's it's COUNTRY. Ugh! The most recent example of this is "When I Die Young" by The Band Perry. Dammit, it's just so good. And I love how she's holding a Tennyson poetry book in the video :) WHATEVER, I ADMIT TO LIKING COUNTRY SOMETIMES. I said it.



6.05.2011

Music Challenge, Day 11: A Song From Your Favorite Band

Adam Levine hottttttness. Need I say more?

"This Love" is one of my favorite Maroon 5 songs because:

1. It gets me dancing.
2. It reminds me of England (it was popular when I was visiting the U.K.).
3. It's a little too relatable.
4. Adam is my husband.
5. It's smarter than your average pop song (and that's what I like about Maroon 5 in general).

...ENJOY!



The Challenge so far: