Hot Dog! It's Halloweenie!!

(You'll excuse the bad title with the picture below)

Little Turkish Girl's Emancipation Proclamation

Whenever I write these kind of posts, they are really for myself. This is in an attempt to free myself from my own negative, oppressing thoughts. I've never experienced this kind of sadness in my life; and so onward, I'm trying to move on to a breakthrough. (I've always loved the word onward).

Here are 10 things I am trying to do (and maybe you can do them too), to eliminate that lingering sadness that just doesn't like to leave:

1. Sign up for a class: CHECK. One of the best things I have done recently has been signing up for a Turkish class. I've always wanted to learn Turkish; furthermore, I really want to start utilizing those dormant brain cells.


2. Dress up everyday: When you are in a funk, gray, black and toupe tend to be your wardrobe palate of choice. BREAK FREE! Dress in crazy patterns and bright colors! Wear that unique necklace that is a conversation starter. You were made to stand out, not fade into the background of a dentist's office.


3. Reclaim Your Charm: When I am at my happiest, I can be a charmer. I tell stories, I smile, I wink. However, when I'm feeling down, I tend to stay quiet and seem more stand-offish. Be aware of your mood. Even if you don't want to talk, force yourself to open up a little. A good conversation can turn your day around. Soon, the color to your cheeks, and your charm, will turn up again.


4. Dance and Joke: There is instant happiness to be found in bootayyyy shaking. A random dance sesh in my apartment tends to brighten my mood for the rest of the day. Also, don't take things too seriously! Joke around...and make stupid faces often.


5. Vent to Friends: If you are like me, you tend to keep your emotions and feelings hidden. Sometimes, you just gotta spill them out. When I open up to my therapists friends, I not only feel refreshed and inspired, I also feel more connected to them, as we are relating to the plight of the human condition.


6. Venture Outside: This may seem obvious, but we all know that sadness tends to be a seemingly stellar lock on your front door. Break that lock and force yourself to spend sometime in the sunshine (heck, even the rain). A brisk walk outside can not only revitalize you, but also inspire you in ways staying in your room never could.


7. Make Some Damn Changes: Doing the same thing over and over will produce the same outcome (i.e. getting back together with your ex, again, and expecting a change). To put it, uh, nicely...DON'T BE DUMB. If you want things to change, then you must change things! In my case, I need to change my job. I'm on this everyday! At least I'm doing something about it. If you're feeling trapped, create your own way out.


8. Keep Your Head to the Sky: For you spiritual folks out there, remember not to leave your prayer life/spirituality in the dust while in a sad mood. When feeling depressed, it's easy to succumb to wasting time on the couch. The couch+depression=best friends. Go to a cafe or the beach, grab a good book on God (whether it be THE holy book, or an inspiring spiritual read), and pray pray pray, reflect, read and soak in that other-worldly wisdom. This makes the biggest difference in my day!


9. To Everything There is a Season: Sadness may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Hold onto the hope that you will not be sad forever. Because, unless you keep yourself captive at rock-bottom, sadness will not last forever! Make every attempt to rock climb away from that bottom...you'll get there. I'm getting there.


10. Keep a Schedule: Keep yourself busy. Pursue your passions. Say yes to hanging out with friends and stay away from that damn couch!

Again, this post is more for me than for you. But more power to us all! I know most of you can relate, because as I mentioned, this is the human condition.

"The dawn will come. Disappointment, sorrow, and despair are born at midnight, but morning follows." --MLK Jr.

Finding the Turkey in Me

I've been doing a lot of Turkish things of late:

1. Hookah:

Bahaha! This picture cracks me up. I SWEAR we were just smoking hookah, not opium.

Just call me Smokey (notice the Turkish eye).

2. Going to Turkish festivals:

"I claim this land in the name of Turkey!"

Turkish dancing...yeahhhh!

Oh! And my Turkish class starts November 3rd!

Soon my transformation into full Turkish mode will be complete...and THEN I CAN TAKE OVER THE WORLD...mwahahaHAHA!

I kid, I kid.

Photo Shoot Nerds

A friend of mine is a professional photographer, so it was decided that there should be a mini-photoshoot between me and a few friends. Well, they decided and I said I would join.

It was one of those stormy, rainy days:

We all rushed inside to keep dry (although I wanted to stay outside, you know how I love rain).

Ummm....I won't lie. I feel a bit awkward posing for pictures with a professional camera. I'm too self-aware.

But despite being a little disheveled from the wet weather (and too aware that a camera was in my face), it was sort of fun to act like a model for a night.

Lusting After a Life In the Slums

***

You heard me right.

This post is actually inspired by something said in my friend Ryan's post: "Because we were at the bar, we've met cool people, including a guy tonight who expressed dismay at the whole typical American cycle where we make money and then spend money, but how he was over that and it wasn't making him happy."

Whenever I hear quotes like this, I think, "They've figured it out!"

We all figure it out eventually: money is insatiable. Of course, we are caught in some strange vortex in where we need money, but don't want to need money, yet must continue the arbitrary cycle of making it. For what? For what??

...

Give me the slums. Give me a life in where I'm not coaxed into buying a flat screen T.V. because it's more in style than the perfectly good T.V. I had before. Give me a home in where I realize that electricity is not-so-necessary (it's not). Give me a dream in where I'm not looking to put a down-payment on my house, but rather, put an extra stamp on my passport.

Because I've become un-enamored with pretty houses and fast cars...

So, give me the slums.

Why do I say the slums? Because every documentary/movie/video I have seen in a poverty-stricken area shows a group of people that have figured it out: community is the most precious gem in life. It is the rarest of diamonds that we take for granted here in the U.S., mostly because we are distracted by what wealth can by.

I'll leave you with this video. I'd love to visit such a place:

Find Your Tribe

"What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?"

Suddenly, the above lyrics have become my life. Besides the fact that I do actually sing out of tune (yet still opt to partake in karaoke), I've been a little "out of tune" in, well...life.

I just haven't been myself: not as smiley, friendly and awkwardly charming as normal. (I might be more awkward than charming, but please let me embellish to make myself feel a tad better).

Despite this, I'm pretty sure I have the best friends surrounding me. I realize, in times of distress and depression, this makes all the difference.

There are times when I come home from work, not in the best of moods, feeling somehow forlorn and trapped all at the same time, and yet...my roommate still greets me with a smile and a warm welcome. She doesn't have to. I could easily be dismissed as an energy-sucker and ignored. Instead, she listens to my complaints--patiently--offers advice, and even suggests that we indulge in an episode of South Park.

This turns my day around.

And she's not the only one. My close friends are all understanding, selfless supporters. To put it in the best terms, I've found my tribe. These are the people that you just connect with. You get each other in all of your weirdness and uniqueness. You are there for each other even when one of the members of the tribe has become weak.

I won't be in a sad, trapped place forever. But thank God I have this kind of support. This keeps the fire going in my soul, even when my light has dimmed a bit.

Oh, and even Churro (pictured above) is a member of my inner-circle. Despite the fact that he steals my underwear, he still cuddles with me, with provides lots of solace during these dog days.

P.S. While I love the Beatles, the Joe Cocker version is where it's at:

Is This How Office Jobs Are?

The above title is a question my coworker asked the other day, as niether she nor I have ever had an office job before this one.

I will say, there are some good parts to the job. Ultimately, I'm helping people get to school. However, this is what I do about, oh, 10% of the time. The other 90%? Busy work, nothing work, or nothing in general as I often finish my work within the first 2 hours of the day.

Goodness gracious! Is this how office jobs are??

There's a reason, I'm realizing, why so many people love The Office and Office Space, as they SO ACURATELY portray the mundane trappings a desk and florescent lighting can box you into.

When it comes to a job that is boring and less-than-desirable, I think there are two types of people:

1. The kind that are able to separate work life from home life. One does not affect the other.



2. The kind that feels bogged down in ALL areas of life when they are not doing something relevant/passionate/something they feel called to do.

I am, of course, the second kind of person. Some days are good, most days have ended up badly. It's a problem when work life starts to seep into social life, and you start feeling lackluster even in social settings. Hmmm...this isn't me. And this is a sign that some changes need to happen.

Of course, this means applying for different jobs (within the university and outside of the university). This also means keeping a better attitude about things. Also, I'm keeping my options open in general. I would be lying to you if I said I wasn't taking a glance overseas again. But nothing drastic, kids...just window shopping.

For now.

The Eternal Student

"Ne var ne yok?"

^

^

This mean's "What's going on?" in Turkish, or something to that effect. It's one of the only Turkish phrases I know.

It's always angered me that my mom never taught me Turkish. She said, "It just wasn't common in the 80s to teach your kids your native language." Excuses, mom, excuses.

So instead of complaining to my mom, or trying with Rosetta Stone (not my cup of tea), I found a language course here in San Diego. As soon as I found it, I signed up right away. I'm thrilled. Not just for learning the language, but because I get to learn something new!

I've realized that when I'm feeling stuck in a rut, bored and disenchanted with life, it's because I'm not learning anything. I am an eternal student. I'm always craving knowledge and always wanting to see and experience new things. Since I can't take a vacation anytime soon (stupid vacation hours at work), I knew I needed to find something in SD that will fill my brain with something useful, so I don't feel so useless.

So the next time someone asks me, "ne var ne yok?" I can reply, "fantastic!"

Er, but in Turkish.

Favorite Thing Thursday: Instagram Addiction

Yeah, I know I'm late to the iPhone party. Heck, I'm late to the new phone party. Because I'm kind of old school when it comes to technology, I'm not big into all the fancy schmancy "apps" that come with an iPhone. But there are two apps I'm loving: Hanging With Friends (cause playing hangman can be fun) and Instagram.

Instagram Roll:

The original Bob's Big Boy in North Hollywood.

Dance night! My eyes look trippy...I want to steal your souuuuul.

Retrofying it up! The Hollywood Hills.

I love it when I find foreign products in America. Turkish jam?!? YES!

This is hard to see, but it's garlic bread with tomatoes on top, and a sort of cheesy, gooey, zucchini and mushroom bake. Don't forget the LOADS OF CHEESE. Heck yeah fat kid meal!

Tulips (which is a Turkish word, did you know?)

Robot necklace. Nuff said!

So, I wanted to warn you in advance that I may have an abundance/flood of Instagram pics in the months to come. It's kind of hard to resist!!

Just Sayin'

The other day, I visited my kiddos at my old after school job.

It was a rainy/cloudy day that morning, but then it started it clear up. That's when little Dylan said, "It was cloudy before, but then you showed up. You brought the sun out Miss Ashley!"

Sigh. I miss working with kids...

Testing...

Testing a different blog layout. Just because.

Let me know if you like it.

K, thanks!

P.S. Pretty sure my co-worker just introduced me to a new musical love! Portugal. The Man. They are fantastic. I love the 70s influence.

Music Challenge, Day 23: A Song That You Want to Play at Your Wedding

*If * I get married, I envision a slowed-down version of this song being played. Think violins. Yes.

"If everything could ever feel this real forever/if anything could ever feel this good again..."

The Challenge so far:

day 01 - your favorite song

day 02 - your least favorite song

day 03 - a song that makes you happy

day 04 - a song that makes you sad

day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone

day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere

day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event

day 08 - a song that you know all the words to

day 09 - a song that you can dance to

day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep

day 11 - a song from your favorite band

day 12 - a song from a band you hate

day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure

day 14 - a song that nobody would expect you to love

day 15 - a song that describes you

day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio

day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio

day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you're angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you're happy

day 22 - a song that you listen to when you're sad

Girlz in the Hood (or Finding the Good in the Hood)

What?

I thought misspelling words and adding z's in place of s's would do the trick in giving me street credibility. Except, I grew up in suburbia. But that's neither here nor there...

All I know is when it comes to appreciating good art, where I grew up matters not.

That's why I was elated to be invited to a Hip Hop Festival, complete with graffiti art, in a "rough" neighborhood of San Diego (the roughness is questionable after seeing certain areas of Detroit and Los Angeles).

The festival was being put on by Writerz Blok, an organization that realized a need in the community and provided an outlet. In their words, "In 1999, illegal graffiti was a problem in San Diego...most of the defacement was done by youth looking for a place to express themselves. The decision was made to start a program aimed at steering the youth away from illegal vandalism and towards learning the art of graffiti."

So, Writerz Blok provided 10,000 sq. ft. of paintable space for the kidz (like that?) to go wild.

The result is masterful.

Sketches in this man's black book--a book where graffiti designs are tested out before putting them on walls.

Lainey and Shane dancing to some hip hop. hehe.

Graffiti is certainly not my favorite art, but I can't help but be fascinated by the craftsmanship and attention to detail in these pieces; moreover, I love watching art while it is in process.

These catz got skillzzzzz.

Alright, I'll stop now. But I never allow myself to misspell words, so this is kind of addictive!

Unlikely Ways to Meet Friends and Comrades

It happens when I'm walking downtown, frequenting a ritzy coffee shop or buying an overpriced sandwich, that I see a homeless woman or man sleeping on the side of the street. In this moment my heart breaks in two.

So many missions and humanitarian efforts focus their attention overseas. This is valid, but the poverty before us should not be walked around and treated as an inconvenience on the side of the road.

My biggest pet peeve is the dismissal of all homeless as crazy, self-centered addicts who lack discipline. The difference between some of the addicts on the street and Lindsay Lohan is that not everyone can afford to blow millions at rehab centers in Malibu. Sure, some of the homeless have addictions, but who among us is not addicted to something? Why is the CEO who is greedy for money somehow praised as a go-getter who has his head on straight? Why are some addictions acceptable and others taboo?

It's been too long since I've ventured out to feed the homeless. And frankly, I haven't done it enough. But every time I've "braved the streets" to talk with those sitting on the side of the road, I've been more than pleasantly surprised. Tales of broken hearts and lives taking wrong turns are shared, and I find that these people are just like me, with the same everlasting hope for a better life. And soon I find I'm conversing with an old buddy who's also dying to take the next plane to Italy, who wishes on the same star as I do, who would kill for a gourmet cup of coffee. I've found a comrade who just happens to have less privilege than me.

I've got to get out there again. Too often I talk about doing grand and lofty things, then get caught up in my own sorrows or distractions and never do it. But as MLK Jr. says, "One of the great tragedies of life is that men seldom bridge the gulf between practice and profession, between doing and saying. A persistent schizophrenia leaves so many of us tragically divided against ourselves."

Everyone reaches this conclusion sooner or later: we are connected in our humanness, no matter our station in life. Our tears, our laughter, our sadness, our pain are all common. We are one. When we do not help one another we engage in the deadening of society, the wilting of our hearts, the shutting down of our souls.

Awake, children. Help your brother. Help your sister. Help your friend.